How To Disappear Completely
by KerryMuggle
Summary: The war ends during the Trio's graduation but comes back to haunt Hermione in a way she never imagined. Eventual HGSS.
1. Persephone the gathering of flowers

**How To Disappear Completely **by KerryMuggle

Rated: R

E-Mail: KerryMuggle2004hotmail.com

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. I am but a poor student. Ms. Rowling is the supreme goddess over this world and it's characters.

Feedback: Please, but break me gently if you must.

Authors Note/Warning: I became a Potter fanatic last summer and I beg the forgiveness of those who may find mistakes with characters/creatures/spells and whatnot. This is my first shot at something like this and I don't have a beta. I've had this idea for quiet sometime now and because of time constraints, couldn't focus on it, until now. Also to note, I am heavily inspired by music when writing/getting ideas, therefore, these chapters are going to be named after the particular song that inspired them. I will list the song with every chapter and recommend the reader listening to it, if possible, in order to get a better feeling for what is going on.

**Persephone (the gathering of flowers) by Dead Can Dance from the album "Within The Realm Of A Dying Sun"**

Chapter 1: Persephone (the gathering of flowers)

The war had been over for months. While Voldemort was no longer a name to be feared, some still felt a false sense of security in going about their daily lives because it was a constraint they were forced to accommodate to for years. There were the occasional rumors that Voldemort had hidden some rogue Death Eaters in America who remained and were concocting revenge plots against those who fought on the other side, but many of the rumors were just that - rumors.

Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft was the scene of the final battle and while it was never truly known by some how Voldemort was finally destroyed, he left in his path more than just death and destruction. It could easily be said that many ghosts found their new haunting ground that night. The blood that soaked into the ground had somehow not tainted the land and while there were many periods of mourning for those lost, the school eventually built itself back up again. There was no other choice.

Most, if not all, of the Death Eaters were either killed or were captured and serving their sentences in Azkaban awaiting the Dementor's Kiss. The Kiss was considered a luxury compared to the ravaging the Death Eaters performed during the attack. While there were many students who were able to hide and eventually escape, a good population were killed during the waves of confusion and defending of Hogwarts.

A few portkeys were placed around the castle, but Dumbledore would be the first to admit that no one was truly prepared for the attack. In those moments, those who played both sides of the field realized that they had been made. There were whispers of an attack that would take place over the summer, but no real solid evidence to back it up. It was almost foolish to take stock in it because Voldemort was always someone who liked a big audience to witness his debauchery and eventually become his victims.

There were some who were lost for years to Voldemort's false promises and could not be saved (Percy Weasley being one of them). Then there were those who seemed to just be a lost cause, but would, in the most crucial moment, pledge their true allegiances and shift the direction of the fight. Double agents. Curses. Dark Marks. Broken bones. Broken spirits. All of those things were too hard to let go of, but the realization dawned that people had to move on. If one clings onto the past, a part of them dies a little each day.

"I'm almost ready Dad!" Hermione shouted from her room. She had only been home for a few days and her parents decided to make the most of their daughter's time home by spending as much time as they could together.

When she returned home, after spending most of her summer at The Burrow with the remaining Weasley's and Harry, Hermione was surprised to see that her parents had purchased tickets to see the musical "Cabaret." She was looking forward to a night out with her family - for a good while she didn't think she would see them again with the war.

It was upon Dumbledore's advice that she avoid contacting them for fear that Death Eaters would kill them for the sheer reason that she was close to Harry Potter. To add onto the blow was the fact that she was one of the most powerful witches to graduate from Hogwarts School. For months, the Granger's were shuffled from so many different locations, according to them, they lost track after Seattle, Washington. Finally, after months of nomadic adventures, the Granger's settled back into their own home. It hurt Hermione to know that they wouldn't be able to see her graduate, but at the same time, relief flooded over her at the thought of how Voldemort decided the graduation ceremony was the perfect time to attack. He didn't want the school grounds to be empty - he wanted everyone to bask in what he believed to be his ultimate glory through bloodshed and death.

As Hermione put the finishing touches on her outfit, Martha, her mother, walked to her daughters room and started at her daughter in the mirror.

"You know, we only have you for two weeks before you go off to, 'auror training'? Please, indulge us this time." Martha said smiling as she walked up to Hermione in a long black gown and began combing her fingers through her daughters long locks.

"Mum! You and Dad are acting like I'm never going to come and visit you guys. It won't be Hogwarts! I'll practically be around the corner compared to that." Hermione gave a comforting look to her mother in the mirror.

Hermione had graduated from Hogwarts with the highest honors one could bestow upon a student. She had decided that she wanted to pursue further studies ultimately in Potions and Arithmancy for the sheer fact that the two subjects fascinated her, but found that she first wanted to begin auror training alongside Harry. She thought fondly about her days at Hogwarts. How could such happy memories always be interrupted by sad ones?

While many lives were saved during the war - there were still so many that were sacrificed for the cause. Hermione immediately thought of Ron Weasley. He fought bravely and while she refused to believe that he died in vain, she still had to force herself to push those thoughts into the back of her mind at moments. He jumped in front of her and took the avada kedavra that was meant for her. There were days she felt guilty for surviving, but she would have done the exact same thing for him if the roles would have been reversed. Ron wasn't the only one. George and Authur were also killed. Hermione couldn't think of anything harder than having to attend the funerals of those she grew up with and loved as if they were her own. The look on Fred's face was one of utter confusion with the thought that his one partner in crime no longer was around was an image frozen in her mind. She tried to be strong for everyone else, but as soon an empty room was available, she would break down. She forgot how many times she apologized for what she felt were her mistakes. There were nights when she relived the memory of cradling his lifeless body and lightly running her fingers through his frock of red hair with a glimmer of hope that her tears would revive him somehow. For a month, she dreamed of how she should have stopped him from making the ultimate decision to save her life in return for his.

Along with attending the Weasley funerals, she also was forced to say goodbye to Lavender Brown, Colin Creevy, Seamus Finnegan, Professors Flitwick, Sprout, and Hagrid. She was afraid that Neville Longbottom would join that dreadful club, but he pulled a slow recovery at St. Mungo's along with Harry who appeared to be in a coma for four days. He woke up with no recollection of how he killed Voldemort along with the knowledge that the scar on his forehead was no longer there. Surprisingly, Hermione had escaped with a few minor injuries and scratches. She didn't have the battle scars that others did, but knew too well the stories that went along with them.

"I just want you to know that I'm proud of you."

Hermione's mother's words shook her out of her reverie as she looked back at her mother in the mirror. "Thanks mum."

"You know, this dress is absolutely lovely on you, but it's missing something" she said as she backed away from the mirror looked her daughter up and down.

"It's rare enough that I get to wear something besides those dreadful robes and uniforms at school, please don't tell me this isn't classy enough to wear." Hermione said as she turned around in her white linen dress that fell just below her knees. She still hadn't decided on what shoes to wear, but was more focused on trying to decide what to do with her hair. It wasn't as bushy as it used to be, but it still had a mind of its own sometimes.

Hermione reached for a hair clip and decided to just wear it up for the night. As she was finishing up on her hair, her mother walked back into the room. She stood directly behind her daughter and held out a beautiful necklace that made Hermione gasp when she saw it.

"Mum, it's beautiful!"

It was a sapphire cut into the shape of a tear. It wasn't something that screamed for attention, but it was more of a subtle piece that Hermione thought made a graceful statement. As her mother clasped the necklace around her daughter's neck, she continued with their conversation.

"I figured it would go perfectly with this dress. I was planning on giving it to you before your training, but this dress just begs for the necklace. You're birth stone is the sapphire and I always loved this shape and color. Diamonds are very overrated my dear." she said as she turned her daughter to face her and kissed her forehead as she heard her daughter thank her for the gift.

"Ladies! I don't know about you, but I would really like to see the first act!" Simon Granger shouted downstairs.

"Let's say we go before your father leaves us. I'll see you downstairs, I need to go put on my earrings." she said as she walked out of the room.

Hermione grabbed her dress bag and grabbed a pair of flat dressy sandals out of her closet. She turned off her light and preceded to walk downstairs.

"Now dad, we are ahead of schedule if memory serves me correct and I think..."

BAM!

All of a sudden, all Hermione could see was smoke and a green light that she was too familiar with. "DAD!" Hermione shouted out as she descended the stairs and nearly froze as she saw one, two,

three, four Death Eaters walk into her house. It was all happening in slow motion as she saw her father, still in shock at the sudden invasion, freeze in place and then fall to the ground as an avada kedavra was cast on him in the matter of a heartbeat.

As she saw his descent, Hermione turned to face the Death Eaters who were laughing with sheer pleasure of how easy their task was without realizing that their main target was staring right at them. When she finally came to her senses a moment later, she ran upstairs screaming for her mother to hide as she ran into her room and searched frantically for her wand which she hadn't touched since she returned home. She finally realized that it was in her dresser drawer right next to her old prefect badge when her mother came running into her room.

"Hermione, what's going on!!!!" Martha screamed with panic in her voice, only one earring was in place.

"Death Eaters!! They've found us - I need you to hide. Please!!!!" Hermione pleaded.

"Where's your father?"

"He's...he's.....dead" Hermione said as tears began to run down her face, trying to catch her breath. "Please, mum, I need you to hide. If they find you!" she said as she heard them approaching up the stairs.

"Hermione!" she shouted as her daughter tightened her grip on her wand, prepared for whatever or whomever would cross her threshold.

It was too late. The Death Eaters were now poised and ready to invade her room. Hermione's mother, too shocked and scared for words froze as Hermione immediately started the attack. It was clear she didn't have any idea of what her daughter had to face only recently and now as it dawned on her, she was completely mortified.

"ACCIO WAND!" Hermione shouted as the first Death Eater's want flew out of it's hands and came into her reach. As she reached for it, the Death Eater's took the small distraction as their cue to attack. Before Hermione knew it, she was casting stupifies to buy time, but the Death Eaters were too powerful. She had never faced Death Eaters before on her own and the fear that came with realizing that she had to take them on, on her own, made her scream the first curses that came to her mind.

"INCENDIO!!" Hermione shouted as the third Death Eater's robes caught ablaze slightly at the bottom. As the fourth Death Eater approached her mother and grabbed Martha by the hair Hermione lunged at it and threw herself with all of her might hoping to cast an impedimenta and to prevent what seemed like the inevitable, but she was too late as her mother fell into the throes of a crucio.

Hermione's mothers screams of torture threw her off balance as the first Death Eater grabbed her from behind. Kicking and screaming with all of her might, Hermione dropped her wand and tried to concentrate on getting it back, but her primal instincts were screaming for her own self preservation. She ended up punching the Death Eater in the face with her elbow and was rewarded with a punch from the second one. Somehow, it dawned on her that they wanted her alive as she tasted the tinge of her own blood from her busted lip.

As her mother was loosened temporarily from the crucio, Hermione saw one of the Death Eaters descend upon her and looked as if it were planning a personal violation. Hermione regained her balance and dove for her wand on the floor. As soon as she caught it, she was intending to cast an unforgivable directly at the Death Eaters face.

"YOU WILL NOT LAY A BLOODY HAND ON HER!" Hermione screamed, but it was too late. Before she could stop it, the Death Eater spoke, "this is getting boring" and cast the avada kedavra. Hermione could only scream at her mothers lifeless body - somehow wishing screams could bring someone back to life. The image of Ron's body flashed before her eyes with the realization that she was having to relive that day all over again.

Once again everything seemed to fall into slow motion as she looked around and saw the Death Eaters laugh their spineless laughs. The third one was ranting about how his robes were just about ruined while one dug into her dresser drawer, which she left open, and pulled something out. The doorway wasn't blocked. That was her chance and she took it - getting up and running as fast as she could down the hallway. Before she could think, the remaining Death Eaters were behind her, taunting her by taking slow paces.

"Where are you going mudblood?"

"We don't want to hurt you -- just kill you......all in given time!" one said with cold stoicism.

Hermione couldn't see anything as she ran, but her clumsiness caught up with her and she tripped on the stairs and ended up falling all the way down the staircase. The voice in her that screamed for her to survive forced her to get up, but she couldn't. She felt as if the weight of the world was on her and all the strength she had to get back on her two feet had quickly disappeared. Hermione ended up dragging herself towards the front door which was now a huge hole in the wall, tears flowing down her face, hair no longer neat and pinned up, even as she heard the Death Eaters approaching her with heartless laughs that could freeze fire.

She didn't turn to see how close they were but only screamed with the anguish of seeing her fathers body and the pain that filled every cell in her body. She reached her intended destination, but stopped as she saw a black boot place itself in front of her face. Her breath ragged, her mascara mingled with tears, she turned around and faced her tormentors, as her body declared defeat. Before she passed out, she distinctly heard...

"Can we keep her?"


	2. The Day The World Went Away

How To Disappear Completelyby KerryMuggle

E-mail: 

Rated R

Disclaimer: Don't own em, except for Indra Karnstein.

Author's Note: Reviews and feedback would be greatly, and may I stress, greatly appreciated. ****

****"The Day The World Went Away" by Nine Inch Nails from the album "The Fragile."

Chapter 2: The Day The World Went Away

"the plastic face forced to portray

all the insides left cold and gray"

She was swinging in the sunshine. The wind was blowing through her hair and the warm comforting hands that were her fathers were pushing her whenever the laws of gravity forced her to come down. The smile upon the face of an eight year old was one to watch - one to remember. Eyes that were always warned not to stare into the sun blinked furiously as she was pushed up into the air and dipped her head back to feel the wind dance through her hair. She came down and once again felt those hands pushing her up into the air, but this time, they were cold to the touch, even through the fabric of her clothes. Discarding the difference, she made another attempt to stare into the sun but squinted her eyes shut and awoke suddenly as a bright light glared above her head.

The light was now distant as her eyes tried to adjust to the darkness that was prevalent in the room she was now in. She felt her arms shackled, as were her legs. The coldness that was the stone slab she was placed on sent a slight shiver down her spine more so than the overall chill of the room. She tasted the dry blood on her lip as she tried to find a solution to her dry, scratchy throat. Her breath hitched as she noticed that she wasn't alone. In the darkness, she noticed bodies moving, trying to remain as quiet as possible, but before she could demand they reveal themselves, she heard a soft voice mutter..."lumos" as the woman's wand lit up.

She was then followed by various voices following the cue of the woman.

"Lumos.......lumos......lumos......lumos....lumos....lumos...lumos" as their wands lit, a different voice for each light, lit up. She lost count after eight.

Hermione saw the wands of at least ten Death Eaters light up where they looked at her with nonchalant observance awaiting the commands of the woman who stood ahead of the crowd. She was the only one who wasn't in full Death Eater garb. Her mask was off. The light of her wand was bright enough for Hermione to see that her hair was dark brown and fell past her shoulders. The woman also possessed brown eyes that hinted a false gentleness. She looked at Hermione and smiled as she lifted her bare left hand and waved her fingers at their guest.

"Hi there!" she said as she smiled at her hostage.

For the first time in her life, Hermione was speechless. She kept reminding herself to breathe as she looked at the group. She had never seen this woman in her entire life and didn't have any idea on what to do next.

"And no, you're not dreaming" the woman said as she stepped closer to Hermione, a slit of a smile on her face. "Such a lovely girl you are" the woman continued as she began to softly run her finger from Hermione's forehead to her chin.

"This may be hard to believe, but we're going to have a lot of fun! BOYS" she shouted with a hint of violence at the rest of the people in the room, "leave us. You understand - girl talk" the woman said calmly as she observed Hermione.

Hermione watched the other Death Eaters exit the room and into a crimson hallway. A part of her panicked at the thought of being alone in the room with the woman. As if the woman read her mind, she continued after the door was shut. The woman flicked her wrist and all of the candles that were placed in the room were lit.

"My name is Indra. You don't have to wrack that brain of yours as I'm sure you've never heard of me."

"What do you want?" Hermione posed even though she knew what the answer was. It was the only sentence her confusion and nerves could conjure at that moment.

"Now now dear! You musn't get your knickers in a twist. All will be settled soon" Indra continued in soft tone that was lined with cruelty.

"I don't understand! All of you are supposed to be in Azkaban! Those rumors couldn't have been true" Hermione said softly to try and reassure herself.

"Did you really think that once Voldemort was gone, so would be his loyal followers? Were you really.....that.....daft?" she asked in a darker tone. "Our great departed leader may no longer roam this world, but we are here to instill the order of chaos, the raping and pillaging of what we so desire. Yes, Voldemort may no longer be here, but what's that to stop us?" she said as she swooped in front of Hermione's face. Suddenly she backed away.

"Voldemort saw to it that some of his 'special' ones hid while he initiated the war. To be frank, and between us girls, I'm beginning to think that he left me in charge with the ones who he thought wouldn't be able to cast an avada kadavra if their lives depended on it."

Indra continued, "If he were successful, we would rise and take whatever we so pleased. And if he wasn't, we still would rise, and take whatever we so pleased. It all worked out perfectly in the end, although I must say, we quiet enjoyed our visit to New Orleans. Those muggles and the excuses they find to get drunk and remove their clothing!"

"You know they're going to find me" Hermione whispered, trying to convince herself at the same time.

"Of course, that was the plan all along. I JUST CAN'T GET ANYTHING PAST YOU NOW CAN I?" Indra said with a deviant exuberance loudly.

Hermione watched her pace around the room, the sounds of her shoes reverberating on what sounded like a floor made of stone, stuck out for her. They sounded so shallow and empty. There was silence for a few seconds and then Indra walked back to Hermione, dragging a chair with her. The sound of it dragging against the floor made Hermione cringe and Indra took notice of this with a smile on her face.

Indra sat down on the chair and leaned onto the cold stone Hermione was shackled to placing her elbow on the slab and her chin in the palm of her hand as if trying to make casual conversation.

"You know, you are very special to us. For years Voldemort bitched about the importance of purebloods in our world and I'm sure you realize how unpopular mud-, I mean, 'your kind' were" Indra said, trying to sound sensitive. It reminded her of Lucius Malfoy's tone.

"Now imagine his astonishment when one of the most powerful witches to grace our presence was not a pureblood? It baffled him; intrigued him. He was curious but at the same time I think he was a bit fearful at what it truly meant. But Voldemort was never one to admit those insecurities to us. Lucky for me, I am quiet the expert at reading people" she continued with pride as she gently tapped her finger on the side of her forehead.

"I wasn't originally Voldemort's choice to take over the rogue Death Eaters" she continued, but this time was in a daze similar to one who is under veritaserum.

"He wanted Christopher Carvin to be our leader, but Carvin was always an incompetent one. He was a bit of a suck up - pathetic really. He reminded me so much of some red-headed bloke.....Weasley I think. Anyway, his ego got the better of him though and one night I just had to teach him a lesson on the values of true leadership. I made an example of him in front of all the others. It could be said his death was merciful, but, it's no fun if a little blood isn't shed.

I told the rest of them that with Carvin gone, we would begin our ultimate plan of continuing what Voldemort couldn't do. Anyone who questioned me would meet the same fate as Carvin. I had been under the rule of men for all of my life. It was my turn to hold the reigns and when opportunity knocks, I strike. I held them with what Voldemort had done so for years - fear. It's amazing what every living species will do in order to survive" Indra said coming out of her daze.

"I may be a _little_ crazy" Indra whispered , "but women are always deemed crazy when men are caught with their pants down don't you agree? I even contemplated trying to woo you to our side for a while. You would make an excellent spy for our cause Miss Granger. I hate to break your heart though, but that damn Gryffindor in you just can't be persuaded" Indra said as she began to softly stroke Hermione's hair.

"To be frank, we need more women in our line of work. Can you imagine what ruins this group would be in if the chain of command were left to people who think with the organ dangling between their legs? That was one thing Voldemort could never pick up on. His tastes in leadership always lacked unfortunately. I always respected and worshiped him, but the man was a bit too sexist for my tastes at times. Can you keep a secret between us girls? Lucius Malfoy had it coming to him soooooooo bad. I kind of wish I could have cast the avada kadavra on the asshole instead of his own son."

"I'd rather be dead.....like your precious Voldemort." Hermione spat back at her.

Suddenly, Indra's face descended upon her in one fell swoop and tightened her grip on Hermione's hair. Hermione was only a few inches away from screaming in agony and could feel her breath.

"Oh honey, by the time we're done with you, death will be considered a wonderful blessing and you'll be begging for it" Indra said as she released her grip on Hermione.

"You are nothing but bait. I sent Dumbledore a nice little present - something that belongs to you. I'm pretty sure they'll be able to figure out where we are. It's too easy."

Hermione focused on the necklace that her mother gave to her before they were attacked and for the first time since she awoke, felt the cold chain on her flesh. She felt a sense of calm at knowing that it was still with her.

"We are so hoping to be graced by the presence of Dumbledore's army - especially the ones of a one Mr. Draco Malfoy and Professor Severus Snape. We knew they were double agents months before the final battle. Why Voldemort didn't press the issue and take care of the situation when it was first discovered, I don't know."

And with that, she got up from the chair and dragged it back across the room, smiling all the way, knowing that it aggravated her guest. When she was done she turned around, hair swinging to follow her, and stated: "I'd love to stay and chit-chat, but I'm getting a bit tired, and some of my boys are looking forward to spending some time with you" she said as a devious smile played on her lips.

Before she walked out of the room, she turned around and blew Hermione a kiss. Hermione could hear her voice and noticed the shadows of a few Death Eaters. The fear that dwelled inside of her grew at an unbearable speed with the knowledge that she was going to be a toy for the Death Eaters to play with to bide their time until she was to be found. With that knowledge, she closed her eyes and could only pray that someone had noticed she was missing.


	3. Waves Become Wings

How To Disappear Completely by KerryMuggle

Feedback: It would be greatly appreciated.

Authors Note: This is probably the most difficult chapter for me to write so far because it deals with rape and torture. I'm drawing from a personal situation in some instances and HIGHLY stress that this may not be suitable for all readers. I'm sorry if it offends some, and if you consider yourself sensitive, please skip this chapter.

"Waves Become Wings" by This Mortal Coil from the album "It'll End In Tears."

Chapter 3: Waves Become Wings

"mystery lights keep the dark inside"

She had lost count after four. It was unbearable to look at their masks, trying to imagine what they looked like underneath them. Would she recognize some? Their grunts of pleasure during her pain were torture enough. Some were quick to get it over with while others took their time. The first ones never spoke to her.

The one who took her virginity did it in less than five minutes. Something that she wanted to give away one day was taken just like that. She forced herself to remain in a resolve of stoicism - she was not going to cry or beg for their pleasure. When he did break her barrier, she did wince a bit, but looked away, hoping to somehow block that memory from remaining there for the rest of her life. She felt the blood slowly glide down her legs and just stared at whatever blank space would allow her to. It was obvious he wasn't the stereotypical raid loving Death Eater. She felt he slapped her around a few times just for the sake of living up to the reputation. He didn't even make an attempt to rip off her dress, just push it up.

As soon as the first one was done, he walked out of the room. No words. No real violence. It was just a fuck and run. She was almost thankful in that it could have been worse, considering the reputations the Death Eaters earned in terms of raiding. As tears slowly began to slide down her face she tried to focus on the memories that mattered, but couldn't really pull at any. She fell into a soft slumber until the next one walked into the room. It could have been hours. It could have been days. She didn't remember - the only reminder of her time there was the grumbling of her empty stomach.

The second, or it could have been the third, had a particular fascination with cigarettes and burned her every opportunity he got. She remembered feeling the cigarettes burn holes into the skin just above her inner wrist. When he found that particular location tiring, he then moved to her feet - one mark above each toe on her left foot.

All the while he was talking about how the burns were nothing compared to the Dark Mark. He showed off his mark and contemplated moving to brand her with something a little larger, but decided that he would save it for another night. To Hermione's joy, he never did come back.

Hermione felt almost as if she were a schedule in which each one signed up for their personal glory of violating her. The first ones did what they had to do and went off with their business. They were considered warm ups compared to what was to come. Sure, cigarettes will scar, but it was the violations that came later which made Hermione personally want to spit on their graves.

One in particular released her legs in order to get what he termed, "better access" to her. As soon as the opportunity struck, she kicked him in the chest and almost got his nether regions on a second try. Hermione immediately thought of Indra's philosophy on what people will do in order to survive. The Death Eater punched her and she felt her cheek bruising instantly.

"CRUCIO" the Death Eater cast as Hermione screamed in utter agony. Her plan of not giving them that pleasure backfired before she even realized it. Harry's words in describing it didn't do any justice to the pain she felt. It was like being burned alive and having every living inch of your flesh pulled off of your bones. He left her like that for a few seconds. She could swear that she felt the skin tearing to release her blood on what was once a clean white linen dress - it was now dyed red.

"Stupid mudblood BITCH" he said as he approached and slapped her. She heard him mutter a few words under his breath and felt something shift within her.

"You know you're going to die here! Not everyone's had the pleasure of your sweets. Count your blessings" he continued as he spread her legs apart and entered her. It was more painful this time than ever as he pushed harder and harder and his grunts made the bile rise into her throat. She winced at the pain. He pulled out a few moments later after achieving his release and Hermione felt more blood flowing down her legs. She was shivering from the cold and felt him enter into her again and this time he bent his head toward her face and crushed his lips against hers. When she didn't submit, he pulled away immediately and punched her.

"YOU WILL NOT DENY ME MUDBLOOD!" he said as he swooped in front of her again, pressing his lips onto hers and forcing them to open. After a few seconds of that assault, he bit into her lip, still fresh from the encounter she had with the ones who invaded her house and felt it bleeding yet again. She screamed into his mouth as he stuck his fingers into her and began assaulting her with both his penis and fingers.

"Yes..."he whispered "we're gonna ruin you, just like you should be ruined."

When she tried to turn her head away so as not to feel his breath, he grabbed her face and forced her to look at him.

"OPEN YOUR EYES!" He slapped her when she didn't do it immediately. "I SAID OPEN YOUR EYES! I want you to see the only thing that mudbloods like yourself are good for" as he continued to pound into her.

Hermione looked at him, her vision hazy from the tears, with all of the hatred she could muster. She saw his face as he came and dropped his seed into her. If he wouldn't have moved off of her so soon, she would have vomited on him.

As he was cleaning himself off, he looked at her and cast one final crucio, "for memories sake" according to him.

He returned a few hours later and this time he began by taking his rage out on her body with beatings. Hermione knew from the pain that a few ribs were broken and the pain in her jaw was a constant reminder that something may be fractured there. It hurt to blink, and she felt the swelling of black and blue around her left eye.

As he entered her, yet again, he got more aggressive and pulled out a knife. He once again demanded that she look him in the eye as he raped her. She didn't have any more tears to shed. She didn't have any single thought or emotion. She was numb. She just wanted it all to end in some instances, while others left her with the small hope that Dumbledore was coming. Yes, they would soon be here to make all the dark go away. It was the only thing that kept her alive. Her lack of response to the Death Eater sparked his rage and he put the knife to her exposed throat and slowly began to run the blade along it as it began to seep with her blood. Through her screams, he responded,

"That's it…there's my screaming mudblood. Alls I have to do is just go a little more deeper..."which he did in the spot where the blade rested, "and you will really be in trouble." As soon as she felt the blood sliding down to her collarbone, the Death Eater said an incantation and the wound was beginning to close up. Still, the blood released continued to glide. Hermione was catching every breath she could in those moments. He cast a final crucio before walking out of the room.

As soon as the door shut closed, Hermione cried tears she thought she no longer possessed within her. She would have screamed, but her throat was dry and she didn't have the energy to do so. Besides, there was still some pain from the Death Eater's cut on her throat. How vulnerable and weak she felt. The pain brought doubts as to what house she really belonged in.

A few hours later, Hermione heard the door open and turned her head slowly to see all of the Death Eaters entering the room, with Indra being the last one. She walked up to Hermione and smiled at her in nonchalance. She placed the tips of her fingers on Hermione's bloodied face and closed her eyes.

"She's lost the will to live" Indra whispered. "Oh honey, don't give up on us yet. Your mother wouldn't want you to do that." she said as she ran her finger along the chain of Hermione's necklace. She reached under the filth-ridden dress and pulled out the necklace. Once again, she closed her eyes and began reciting the conversation that Hermione had with her mother when she first gave her the necklace.

"She's right. Diamonds are a bit overrated." Indra whispered as she suddenly opened her eyes.

It was then that she noticed the blade marking on Hermione's neck. She smiled a bit at the sight. "Aaahhhhh. Mr. Derevko had a round with you, didn't he? It'll leave a scar I'm afraid. Hell, it'll end in tears."

All of a sudden, her personality switched back to the invisible mask of cruelty that was Indra.

"Well now, that little mommy moment is over" Indra said as she backed away from Hermione. "I made a nice little 'to do' list regarding our special house guest. First. Kill Miss Granger's parents. Check! Second. Take Miss Granger's virginity. Check - and I must say, Mr. Yorke quiet enjoyed that experience" Indra said as she began to laugh and acknowledge Yorke in the back of the room. Three. Originally it was going to be for us to take away your will to live. However, I think it's a bit too soon for that, wouldn't you say? Then it dawned on me.........you've been giving my colleagues some pleasurable experiences and we wouldn't want you to get........what is it you mudbloods call it......." she continued waving her hands hoping that it would stimulate her memory "KNOCKED UP! Therefore, we're going to have the direct pleasure of taking away your ability to have children. I figure, you probably won't survive anyway, but this will give us a little more time to have some fun with you.

It's unlike Dumbledore and his pathetic group of followers to be late. For starters, it's rude. You'd think he'd know good manners. I'm sure he's gotten that damn present by now." she said to no one in particular.

Hermione let the words sink in and moved with all of the strength that she could muster in her body, trying to somehow pull her arms from their shackles. Her screams were primitive in nature and only seemed to excite the Death Eaters observing her. As much as she hated to, she was left only to plead.

"Please. Please don't do this. Just kill me, get it over with. Please, no more!"

Indra approached her with a softness on her face that could fool anyone. "Oh, baby.." she whispered as she lightly touched Hermione's leg. "Oooopps! No pun intended! We cannot go out of order on the to do list now can we?" Then the cruel face returned.

She touched the dried blood between Hermione's legs and closed her eyes. There were a few moments of silence before she was taken out of her trance. She slowly opened her eyes and stared straight ahead at the wall.

"Now now. Good job Mr. Derevko" she said as she turned to look at the Death Eater in question. "Congratulations on your ministrations. I always knew that you liked it rough, but that was a bit too much, wouldn't you say?" She then turned back to look at Hermione.

"If there was one thing Voldemort always stressed with his followers it was that you must know your enemy better than your allies. So, with our adventures in America, we did a bit of studying on muggle history. It was really fascinating - all of the weird contraptions you mudbloods would come up with. But, this one held my fascination" Indra said as she pulled out a wire hanger. Hermione looked at it with a question in her mind.

"Originally, when we were in New Orleans, I was very keen on picking up a voodoo doll. There is something very hypnotic and satisfying about sticking a pin in a doll and transferring that intent and power unto someone else. However, as powerful as the doll may be, it is a bit too clean for my tastes. Besides, I'm in the mood for a little something sinister!" she stated.

"Weird isn't it?" Indra asked Hermione. "Apparently, you hang your clothes on these things, but being the studious girl that I am, I did a bit of digging in history and found out interesting information on what you muggles call 'back alley abortions.' If you change the shape of the hanger, like this," Indra did with the snap of her finger "it becomes a tool."

Hermione shuddered in fear when she saw the new shape.

"We wouldn't want to risk the chance of you becoming pregnant. Hell, you could be, so this is really for your own good - we don't want to take any chances now do we?" Indra said as Hermione began to scream. Indra was slowly approaching her holding the instrument in her hand. "It's been cleaned, but it isn't sterile. Sorry we couldn't get better for you, but I figure, something with a little filth for our little bundle of filth right here!" Indra then handed the instrument over to the Death Eater known as Mr. Yorke. He slowly backed away, refusing to take part.

"Suits you well" Indra said as she passed Yorke up and began to hand it to another Death Eater. This one too refused to take the instrument. Indra was beginning to get a bit peeved.

"OH COME ON!!!! YOU CAN FUCK THE GIRL BUT YOU CAN'T STICK THIS UP THERE!!!!"

"Forgive me," one Death Eater said bowing down to Indra. "We agree that the mudblood should suffer, but don't you think this is a bit too rash. We very well know that this could kill her." he said in all sincerity.

"WELL FUCK ME WITH A CHAINSAW!!!!!" Indra turned to Hermione and the false sweetness came back. "I picked that saying up in America." She then turned back to the Death Eater questioning her motives and the dementia came out again. "DO YOU HONESTLY THINK SHE'S GOING TO WALK OUT OF HERE ALIVE? THANK YOU VOLDEMORT FOR LEAVING ME WITH SUCH PUSSIES!"

Indra crucioed those who questioned and refused her. As soon as she felt they were punished enough, she turned around and walked up to Hermione. Hermione's panic quickened and she felt her heart beating so fast. It could jump out of her heart any minute now and she wouldn't feel a thing.

"Oh well, never leave a man to do a woman's job." Indra said as the heels of her shoes reverberated on the floor in her approach.

Hermione's screams of pain and torture blanketed the entire house and were the last thing heard before she passed out - hoping never to awaken.

Severus Snape awoke suddenly. It was, from what he could tell, around three in the morning and never before had he awoken in such a state. Not even in his years as a Death Eater had he had such an unpleasant experience in his sleep. He could have sworn he heard what was probably the most unbearable scream released. It must have been a dream he thought with a hint of suspicion in his mind. As he lay back down, making himself comfortable yet again, he fell asleep with the distinct notion that something was wrong. Yes, something was very wrong.


	4. The Lacemaker

How To Disappear Completely by KerryMuggle

Disclaimer: All belongs to Mrs. Rowling, except for Indra Karnstein.

"The Lacemaker" by This Mortal Coil from the album "Blood"

Chapter 4: The Lacemaker

"Dreams are like water - colorless and dangerous"

There was a frustration in her tone. It read on her face. The black and white image of her running her hands over her face as if she could wipe off her troubles in an instant. After covering her face, she began to move her hands to her neck and her fingers lingered on the back nape of her neck. She looked up and a radiant light greeted her face as her eyes remained closed. It was an image of peacefulness, but he could easily sense the troubles that were etched in her skin.

Severus Snape never before had the direct pleasure of having images or sounds wake him on the same night. He stomped out of bed making a mental note to himself that he may have to take a dreamless sleeping draught tonight. He quickly changed and washed up, hoping for a few moments to catch up on some potions research before breakfast when Albus's face suddenly appeared in the fireplace with the familiar green haze surrounding it.

"Severus, we require your presence immediately in my office. It is rather important."

"What? Peeves pulling another prank?" Severus cursed before Dumbledore's face vanished. "Old fool." he muttered soon afterwards.

What could really be of that much importance were the first thoughts running through his mind. He racked his brain, but really couldn't come up with any solid solution. There was the lingering worry in the back of his mind that the rumors of rogue Death Eaters were true, but the Ministry's investigations into the matter always turned up empty. He still believed that there was something in the rumors to be found but didn't feel he had the energy to devote his time to anything that wasn't of great significance.

Then there was the scream that he could have sworn was real. It was now somehow imprinted in his brain. And what exactly did the face represent? It was familiar, but he couldn't quiet place his finger on it.

Not much had changed now that the war was over. Yes, he did lose some of his colleagues, but it amazed Severus how much things had almost returned to normalcy. Whether it was Dumbledore's way of getting people to move on or a way to somehow not get people to think about just how much damage was done, he would never know. As he buttoned up his robes, he felt a small pang of hunger in his stomach, but pushed it aside as he walked out of his rooms and warded them.

It must have been too much to ask to have a few more weeks of peace and quiet until the school year started again. Even though some decided to pull their children out of Hogwart's, opting to send them to another wizarding school, some felt that it was safer than ever and chose to return. Severus would be the first to admit that he considered leaving now that Voldemort was dead, but the supposed rumors, that were always proven to somehow be false, worried Dumbledore a bit and he suggested that his Potions Master remain on staff for a few more years.

As he reached Dumbledore's office, he muttered the password and saw the gargoyle move. As he climbed the steps he heard an all too familiar voice. Before he could knock, the door opened slightly for him and he entered.

"Aahhh Severus. Please take a seat." Dumbledore suggested.

Severus walked further into the room and saw Minerva McGonnagal and Draco Malfoy who took the vacant Defense Against The Dark Arts position after Moody decided to retire. While it did irk Severus for a while, he found that he was satisfied, for the most part, with his position. If only he could get students who were as passionate about the subject as some of his former ones were. He sat down in the chair Dumbledore pointed him to and turned to his right to see Harry Potter sitting there.

"Well then. This must be really important if Mr. Potter is gracing us with his presence." Severus snarled. "What exactly is going on? I'm trying to enjoy the time I have left before the dunderheads return to no doubt make me regret deciding to stay here after all."

Harry was starting to get angry, but thought better of it when Dumbledore raised his hand.

"Now Severus, I wouldn't have done this and asked for Mr. Potter to come if it wasn't of the utmost importance. I asked all of you here because I trust none of you will let this slip out in the open. I figured it would be best to have the best here with me in this circumstance. I plan on alerting the Weasley's after our meeting. This morning, I received something rather disturbing." Dumbledore said as he reached across his desk and pulled out what appeared to be a badge - only it was stained in blood. Harry immediately reached for it and recognized it.

"It's Hermione's old prefect badge. What's happened to her?" Harry asked with a calm panic in his voice.

"After I received this, I had the Ministry send out a group of aurors to the Granger's." he paused for a few seconds then continued. "Unfortunately, the Granger's were killed and Hermione was nowhere to be found. A fire was started to try and cover up any evidence and the Dark Mark was above the house. Luckily, the aurors got there just in time to stop the fire from destroying everything. From this, I'm assuming that Miss Granger is still alive."

"Was there any clue to where Miss Granger may be?" Minerva asked.

"I did receive a small note, but I'm afraid I cannot decipher it. It says something along the lines of one in our presence will know where to find her. I'm assuming that it is either Mr. Malfoy, or you Severus. We all know that they were aware of the fact that you two were spies. It also oddly has a marking, someone kissed the note." Dumbledore said as he handed the note to Severus.

It was a neutral shade that didn't stand out or scream for attention, besides Severus was just as baffled as Dumbledore was.

Draco Malfoy reached for the letter and studied it for a few moments. He appeared quiet pensive and tried to play it cool in front of the others. He really hadn't spoken to anyone about how the death of his father, by his own hands, really affected him.

"I have no clue really. Apparently the rumor was true all along." Draco spoke softly.

"I don't understand. We were led to believe that the Ministry investigated those rumors Albus! What did they miss?" Minerva screamed in confusion.

"That's what happens when you leave an incompetent group in charge of such investigations. Headmaster, with all due respect, it was foolish to rely on the Ministry to take on such a task. You could have sent Neville Longbottom out and he would have done a better job!" Severus spoke shuddering at the thought that the recently recovered graduate was soon going to be teaching Herbology.

"Could you read the note aloud please." Harry asked, trying to remain calm among the group. It killed him already to lose many members of the Weasley family, including one of his best friends, and he couldn't bear the thought of losing his other best friend.

"She awaits - pure no longer - for the army of traitors to come. So close, yet so far. There will be plenty of Karn-age to be found." Draco read slowly. "Carnage is spelled strangely with a K and the last three letters are separated from the first four."

"Ok. We know that this had to be a sect of Death Eaters that Voldemort had hidden, and I'm assuming from the lipstick that it's a female." Harry started.

"Well, that's using your brains wisely Mr. Potter. Three points for our future auror-in-training." Severus snorted.

"Look you pathetic excuse for a man! This isn't the time for your smartass comments. Hermione's life is on the line. She may even be dead for all we know. I shudder to think of what those bastards have done, or may even be doing to her at this very moment! Are you going to help us find her or not?" Harry said with a voice dripping in pure anger.

"All right, look you two!" Minerva shouted. "This isn't the way we're going to find Miss Granger. By Merlin, you'd think I was here with a bunch of first years! We owe her more than two peoples petty arguments! Now, it's obvious this person in charge wants to be found. We just have to dig a little deeper to find where Miss Granger is being held. Professor's Snape and Malfoy obviously hold the key and I think I speak for us all when I say that we need focus on the task at hand."

"She's right, unfortunately." Severus said with a dismal note. "I am afraid that I don't think I'll be of much use. Albus, you know that I stopped receiving the vital information from Voldemort months ago. Why he didn't just kill me when I was a suspect is a mystery."

Draco remained quiet for the few moments between his reading the note and the outburst between Harry and Severus. He muttered the words to himself as he paced around the room, concentrating on every phrase.

"I came into possession with some of my fathers old journals after...........he died. I can look into them to see if anything rings a bell." Draco offered.

"Thank you Professor Malfoy." Minerva said.

Draco preceded to walk out of the room with Minerva trailing behind. The door closed and there remained Harry, Severus, and Dumbledore. Harry was so frustrated, he began to pace the room, fear evident in his walk.

"We're going to find her Harry." Dumbledore said reassuringly.

"Yeah, but will it be dead or alive?" he questioned with bitterness in his voice.

"You and I both know that it's not wise to think like that."

"Well what else am I supposed to think? She was just going to stay with her parents for a few weeks! We all thought she was going to be fine. I thought she was going to return back to the Burrows! I just...........I'm so tired of being surrounded with all of this death! Haven't we lost enough already for shits sake? I know she was a prime target because of me. It's come to a point where I can't bear to think about how many people have died because of their associations with me. DAMN MINISTRY! THEY SAW THIS COMING AND THEY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!" Harry stated with fury as he punched the door to Dumbledore's office.

Severus just sat back and observed the supposed boy wonder fall apart at the seems. He did have a right to be angry, but he was never one who could control his emotions. All this fuss over a girl. It was no surprise to him that she wasn't promised to either Weasley or Potter. He grimaced internally at the thought of either Potter or Weasley's children running around.

While he had to admit that Hermione Granger was probably one of the best students to grace his Potions class, ok, was the best, he didn't hate the girl. He just didn't like the people she associated with. If it were up to him, she would have been placed into Ravenclaw. Her intelligence was something that worked for her in so many ways, but it tended to turn some people off. He wouldn't lie, he was fascinated by the fact that she, a muggle, was one of the more powerful witches to grace Hogwart's. She would have gone on to do great things. Then he chided himself for thinking on her in past tense.

As much as she may have annoyed him, he tolerated her no less, and knew that she had to be found. Then the image in his dream of the face popped into his head. That couldn't have been her? The scream?

He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't hear Albus's words.

"Severus, my boy."

"Yes, Albus." He noticed that Harry was no longer in the room.

"I think it best if you too try to decipher the message sent to us."

"I'll offer up my services, if needed, but Albus, Miss Granger could be anywhere. Who knows were to even begin? Plus, I'm willing to bet there's a warrant for the heads of Draco and I. We can't just walk into shady areas of Diagon Alley and start asking questions."

"We can't lose hope for Hermione, Severus."

"What, like that little flair of dramatics Potter just put on for us?"

"You know that was his anger talking, and he does have some right to possess it. We all do." Dumbledore said as he picked up the blood smeared prefect back and handed it to Severus.

Severus took the badge without even realizing that he reached for it. There was more blood on there than he liked to have admit, but it dawned on him that his supposed time for peace and quiet was now going to be devoted to finding the insufferable know-it-all.

He devoted a good time of his day in Malfoy's personal chambers flipping through Lucius Malfoy's old possessions. Some of his belongings were warded, while others weren't - but they were useless nonetheless. Finally, the two decided to call it quits for the day. Severus forgot to take the dreamless sleep draught.

It was spoken that Potter was spending time with the Weasley's at the Burrow, hoping to find a shard of hope. It was one thing to lose family members to both good and evil causes, but to lose a close family friend was another sharp blow. Dumbledore felt it would be wise for him to spend time with those who became his second family.

He was walking down a hall that was painted a dark red. There were doors all on the right side, but they were all closed. He didn't bother to try and open them, but just kept walking down the hall. It felt almost as if he were going around in circles over and over again because it all looked the same.

Severus looked down at the carpeted flooring and noticed that it was stark black and clean. His boots slowly paced down the hall, looking for something, but not knowing what it was. He could hear cheers and laughter on the floors above him and deduced that he was in some sort of grand manor.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six doors he passed before he looked straight ahead and saw someone standing in the middle of the hallway. He didn't say anything as he slowly stepped forward. He reached the seventh door but stopped straight in his tracks when he noticed who it was. It was Hermione Granger and the first word that came to his mind was graceful when he saw her. She was wearing a white linen dress and her hair was pinned up. She didn't have any shoes on, but there was a necklace that stood out. He wanted to walk towards her, but couldn't. She was standing a few steps away from the ninth door and it was open. No words were muttered from her mouth. Nothing. She lifted her left hand and pointed to the door and then solemnly put her head down, almost in shame.

Severus tried to walk towards the door, but his feet were stuck in their spot. The more he tried to move, the heavier they got. All the while he kept looking at his former student, trying to see if she would give him anything else to go on by, but she didn't. She just lifted her head and tears were flowing down her face, but they were tears of blood.

He shot up again in his sleep for the second night in a row. That was it. She was trying to tell him something. The thought lingered in him as to why him and not Potter, but if it would help them find her, then he would relay the information. He quickly dressed and noticed that the moon was still out and tried to floo Albus to let him know that he was going to be coming.

A moment later he flooed into Dumbledore's office. Albus, wiping the sleep from his eyes and stifling a yawn welcomed his Potions Master into the same chair he did the previous day.

"I had a dream. I think Miss Granger is trying to tell me where she is?" Severus stated bluntly.

"Well, what is she trying to say?" Albus questioned.

"She isn't saying anything, but she's pointing towards something, a room. The night before we found out she was taken, I was awoken by a scream. I don't know why I'm getting these messages, but maybe they will help."

"Is the place you saw a familiar one?"

"No. I heard people on an upper floor, and the walls were painted red. There was black carpeting and a numerous doors that all looked the same. I counted more than ten, but she was pointing to the ninth room."

Dumbledore was deep in thought for a few moments afterwards. "I wonder why you and not someone she is closer to - say Harry, or one of the Weasley's even?"

"Your guess is as good as mine I suppose." Severus said nonchalantly.

It was then that the fireplace emitted the green glow of Draco Malfoy's face. He didn't explain what he found, but as soon as Dumbledore saw him, he insisted he floo to the office.

"I think I've got it. I think I know who is holding Hermione and where she may be." Draco said as he stepped into the room, clutching a book.

Authors Note: Thank you guys for taking time to read my story. Feedback would be greatly appreciated. And don't panic, Miss Granger is found in the next chapter.


	5. Mistakes and Regrets

How To Disappear Completely by Kerry Muggle

Disclaimer: I am but a poor student. Please don't sue.

"Mistakes & Regrets" from the album "Madonna" by ...and you will know us by the Trail Of Dead

Chapter 5: Mistakes & Regrets

"Because every inch of hope becomes a world of shame."

Draco Malfoy continued in a pace laced with frenzy which came from excitement at the prospect of finding something significant mixed with sleepiness.

"I tried to fall asleep, but couldn't, so I figured that I would try and look into more of father's personal journals. To be honest, I'm surprised he didn't have protection spells on them. But, the 'K' and 'Karn' sounded a bit familiar. I think I know who it is."

"Please do tell." Dumbledore insisted as he directed the former student into a chair.

"What are you doing here at this hour Severus?" Draco asked out of curiosity.

"He may have a bit of information which may help us also. It appears he's seen Miss Granger in his dreams."

"For Merlins sake, you make it sound as if it were some sort of teenage fantasy! I'm more interested in what Draco has come up with."

"I found this journal entry in which father talks about someone by the name of Indra Karnstein. I did a bit more digging and found some pretty interesting information about her. For the basic bio, she was born in India in 1977 to Tobias and Irina Karnstein.

The Karnstein's were originally from Russia, but were well respected in the magical world and were known world travelers. There isn't much information about them, but both Tobias and Irina died in 1986 while traveling in Nova Scotia. Apparently, Indra wasn't there with them and she resided from then on at a wizarding school in Poland."

"But there's no wizarding school in Poland." Severus said.

"I wish I could explain it better than that, but that's what father wrote. He stopped there when it came to her education. He was just as baffled about a school in Poland. I'll be willing to bet that it deflated his ego a bit to think that he didn't know of all of Voldemort's plans.

There is a theory that Voldemort was interested in her because of her psychic abilities and he 'persuaded' her to join him in order to find out what really happened to her parents. That was the only thing she never could get over from father's interpretation.

The thing is, I've met her. I remember a dinner party father hosted two years ago. She was attending it with someone by the name of Christopher Carvin."

"So you think Indra Karnstein is responsible for Miss Granger's disappearance?" Albus asked.

"I think it's the only solid lead we have to go on. The note. 'Karn-age.'" Draco repeated to no one in particular. His lack of rest was quickly catching up with him.

"What kind of person are we going to be dealing with?" Severus asked.

"She was very quiet at dinner. Very polite. Very beautiful indeed. I think every man in the room fancied her, but there was just something about her that made me uncomfortable. I overheard father saying that Carvin and her 'worked' in Russia. Something about muggle studies, I don't remember much. She just had something in her presence that put me off. She barely said a word, but I would catch her staring at me at the dinner table. I now know that she was reading me."

"Ah yes, her psychic ability." Dumbledore interjected.

"Before she and Carvin left, she touched my shoulder and whispered something into my ear...'why do you choose to ignore the path that was paved for you?' I was worried that Severus and I were discovered, but didn't know how."

"What about Carvin?" Severus asked.

"I don't know. Father didn't write too much about her after the death of her parents and Voldemorts advancements on her. Carvin doesn't get much space in the journal besides what I've already mentioned. I remember reading something about how she inherited her parents home outside of Moscow."

"Have you ever been summoned there?" Severus asked.

"Yes. I was given the grand tour in fact. I thought it odd, but now that I think about it, she wasn't there. Voldemort had her sent to some city in the United States for research purposes. I have yet to hear what you saw in your dream."

"There was a hallway that appeared to follow the pattern of a circle. The walls were red and there was a black carpet for the floor..." Severus started.

"With a group of doors, 15 of them that all looked exactly alike and faced one side of the wall." Draco interrupted in shock.

"I only thought I saw 10. What are the rooms for?"

"Torture rooms. Voldemort mentioned that they were built specifically for that purpose. That's Indra Karnstein's home. She would often let Voldemort use the house for meetings and such. I was told that she had a particular fondness for room 9."

Severus nearly fell out of his chair when he heard Draco's statement.

"Did you say room 9?" Severus asked.

"Yes."

"What was the significance of it?" Dumbledore asked.

"It was just the fact that Indra was 9 when her parents were killed. What's wrong Severus?" Draco asked, concern playing on his face.

"Hermione Granger was pointing towards the ninth room in my dream."

"Hermione Granger was in your dream?" Draco questioned, forgetting that Dumbledore mentioned it already.

"Here we go again! Believe you me, I wish it were Potter giving you this information rather than I!" Severus nearly shouted.

"Well, from what you're saying Mr. Malfoy, it appears that we're gonna have a handful with Miss Karnstein." Albus stated solemnly.

"Wait a minute. If she has such a high ranking, by your father's comments and your own memories, she should have been on the front line with the war. And why I was never informed of such a person baffles me." Severus stated with anger. "One doesn't just work with Voldemort for a day and become his second in command. And how could anyone not know of a rogue group with all of the meetings at the Karnstein's?"

"Suppose the Death Eaters were told that they would be in the battle, but Voldemort intended on hiding them all along? Voldemort could have left her in charge if he didn't succeed. He did have trust issues and could be a bit fickle when it came to strategy." Dumbledore added.

"I swear, just when I think I understand the madness and mind of Voldemort, he does something which throws me for a loop." Severus acknowledged in confusion.

"But most of the Death Eaters didn't know of a so called rogue group. I mean, I think some of the Death Eaters bought into that rumor too. I'm led to believe that father didn't know either and he was high in Voldemort's command chain. Do you think that Voldemort kept this group to himself?"

"That's the only logical conclusion for now I'm afraid. Well, we know where to look now. She wants to be found and I think she has some unfinished business, especially with you Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore said.

"Should we summon Harry?" Draco said regarding the man who he now regarded as a friend.

"The sun will be rising soon. I think the best course of action is to get whatever information we can about Miss Karnstein and her home. Plus, we need to catch some rest, which Mr. Malfoy is in dire need of." Dumbledore said.

"Well, who shall we assemble in case of a possible attack. I doubt if they will let us just walk in and take Miss Granger." Severus said.

"I'll contact the Ministry and round up some aurors. Minerva will want to be on the front line, along with the Weasley's I'm sure. Draco...Severus...I'm sure I can rely on you two." Dumbledore started, his mind composing a list of those who would be helpful in finding Hermione Granger.

"We don't even know if we can apparate there! I'd say, lets turn to the Ministry, but if they wouldn't have ignored the hidden threats, we wouldn't be having this conversation." Severus said.

"Where else are we going to turn? The Ministry has to have some source we can rely on. We used a portkey to get there though if memory serves me correct."

"What was the portkey?" Dumbledore asked.

"A book of poetry by some muggle - Sylvia Plath I think." Draco answered. "It was sent to us and we were instructed to open it up to a certain poem."

"Is it possible that it is still active?" Severus asked, his interest piqued.

"She wants us to find her. It wouldn't surprise me if it was still working. I can apparate home to search for it. I'm sure it's in the library somewhere. I don't know if she is incredibly stupid or a genius?" Draco stated.

"She's ready and waiting it appears. I shudder to think of what they have, or may be doing to Miss Granger. We must hope for the best." Dumbledore said.

"I'll apparate home and search for the book." Draco said as he got up from the chair.

"You need to rest. I'll go." Severus offered.

"No. I'll just take a pepper up potion or something. Besides, we still need to contact Harry and the Weasley's. We don't even know if the portkey still works." Draco said as he prepared to floo back to his chambers. "I suggest we take whatever time we can get to rest up and prepare."

She was alone. If it were broad daylight outside, she wouldn't know. They hadn't touched her for a few hours. The only thing she could focus on was the coldness in the room.

Indra would come to "visit" every now and then. She would talk about her past, but Hermione couldn't pay attention to much of it. She still felt the pain. She was surprised that she was still alive with all of the blood she lost. Racking her brain for something to focus on besides the cold, she reflected back on Indra's story.

"My parents were so lovely. They were purebloods, but they held a fascination with the muggle world. They traveled all over the world. We blended well with muggles apparently.

My mum gave birth to me in India and she named me after a god from the muggle religion called Hinduism. Indra, was the god of rain and thunder, but my mum thought it perfect for a girl.

They were killed while traveling in Nova Scotia. Some drunk muggle hit them head on while they were driving and they were killed instantly. At least, that was what I was told. I was nine. My whole world was destroyed in an instant. But Voldemort came and saw the potential in me. He told me we would together find the person responsible...and we did" she whispered.

Then Indra withdrew from the subject, changing it totally.

"I'm surprised that you're still alive. What is it that's keeping you here? Friends? I'd say family, but we took care of that. Are you in love? Is there someone whose image remains in that head of yours?" Indra said as she closed her eyes. A second later she opened them and smiled.

"Oh you naughty girl. You've got a bit of a fascination don't you? What is it? His redeemable nature? The fact that behind that cool veneer lies someone who is just as vulnerable as anyone else? They're on their way. I can feel it. I'll try not to kill him in front of you." Indra said as she bent down and kissed Hermione's forehead.

She walked out of the room and shut the door. Hermione tried to distract herself from Indra's words and tried to think of something to occupy her mind. She began humming the first thing that came to her head. She strained her vocal chords and started a slow tempo of Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" as she closed her eyes.

Severus Snape shot back his second glass of firewhiskey. It was a bit too early, but he figured he'd go with the muggle saying of it being "five o'clock somewhere." He needed to relax. He charmed a music box to start playing tunes that always calmed him.

As he paced around the room, he could only hope that Draco would be able to find the portkey. He feared a bit of Indra's particular grudge with Draco and figured she may try to target him in particular. And what of Miss Granger? Lucius and Draco didn't paint a pretty picture in regards to Miss Karnstein and if she was under Voldemort's tutelage for a while, she would be as ruthless and heartless as any other Death Eater. Voldemort always did underestimate the female species as cunning and violent. The wizarding school in Poland still baffled him.

He didn't have time to analyze all of his thoughts as he tried to rest up before the possible confrontation. He drifted off into a soft nap as Beethoven began to play.

Severus had drifted off into sleep when he was awoken suddenly by a knock on his door. He quickly got up and saw the sun was bright and awakening the rest of the world. He opened his door chamber door to find Harry Potter there.

"Professor, Draco was able to find the portkey. He asked me to come and get you." Harry said solemnly.

"Who, may I ask, is going?" Severus asked out of curiosity.

"Draco, Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, Fred Weasley also volunteered. Of course, you and I will be there. The Ministry has also provided us with a group of aurors. They're waiting in Dumbledore's office. Madame Pomfrey will be waiting, along with Ginny Weasley. She's been considering going into medi-witching studies after graduation and she offered her assistance." Harry said without really knowing why he offered Snape that information.

"Alright then. I hope you're well rested up. Draco didn't sugar coat Indra Karnstein."

Before they walked out of his chambers, Harry quietly spoke, "Look, I'm sorry about what I said to you the other day. It was uncalled for. I don't think I could bear to lose her is all."

"It's understandable Potter. Let's not shit ourselves, we've got a job to do." Severus replied with a hint of softness as they walked towards Dumbledore's office.

"Alright. The way this works is, you have to read the poem and then you'll be transported to the location. It works if a number of people read it at the same time just as well. I advise you have your wands ready. It wouldn't surprise me if they're waiting." Draco advised as he opened the book and found the particular poem, "Lady Lazarus."

Draco had all of those who were going to attempt Hermione's rescue huddle around a large table to read the words. He performed a charm to make the words larger just in case anyone would have problems reading them.

"Here goes..." Draco said before they all read the poem simultaneously. Most of them could keep the pace up with the rest of them, but if the poem was read, the portkey would work.

Seconds later they were in a large empty sitting room. The last ones to arrive were a few aurors.

"Damn, that was long piece of work!" one auror complained.

"Sshhh!" Minerva scolded them. "Are you sure we're at the right place?" she asked no one in particular.

"Yes. This is it. I could never forget this place."

"Alright then. Do we break up and search for Hermione or just wait for someone to catch us?" one auror asked.

"Where are the torture chambers Mr. Malfoy?" Dumbledore asked.

"That corridor over there will lead to a set of stairs on the left. They should take you to them. I hope she hasn't rearranged them." Draco responded.

"Severus, you and Mr. Greenwood will go find Miss Granger." Dumbledore commanded.

Severus was a bit annoyed at the fact that he was issued a search and rescue command rather than stand on the front line and fight. He was worried about the auror that was being sent with him also. The man looked a bit nervous at the prospect.

"We must not be at the right place. Come on! I was expecting them to be here waiting!" another auror started griping.

"She's very subtle in her actions. She likes to see what she's going to be up against before she jumps in the water. Believe me, she wants a fight." Draco started before he saw Indra walk into the room.

"He's right." Indra said. "And my oh my, am I looking forward to it! BOYS! WE'VE GOT COMPANY!" she shouted as a group of Death Eaters apparated into the room.

Severus counted around thirty, but there could still be more in the lurks for all they knew.

"Normally, I'd say that it was rude of you not to knock or let us know that you would be coming over. We didn't have any time to clean up for Merlin's sake! But, Mr. Malfoy..." Indra said as she slowly approached him, "I've been waiting for this moment for a long long time. You too Mr. Snape!" she said without even looking at him.

"Shall we all have a drink before we get our little orgy of execution started?" Indra asked, turning around to walk away from the group towards a liquor cabinet. "Oh fuck that! I'm in the mood to start now!" Indra said as she crucioed one of the aurors. As he fell onto the floor, writhing in pain.

Before they all knew it, the battle began. No one was really paying attention to each others own personal duels. It was a cut and run situation which pumped up adrenaline and reinforced the human instincts to kill or be killed.

Severus performed avada kadavra's a few times before reaching the corridor with Mr. Greenwood. He took charge of the situation with the auror trailing behind him. The rogue group was smaller than he thought it would be as he quickly paced down the corridor, wand drawn and ready to attack anyone who might get in their way. He heard the battle in the sitting room and tried to think about his "mission" was to find Miss Granger in search of the steps and found them, just where Draco said they would be.

The two lit their wands as they began to quickly go down the stairs. A few more Death Eaters lunged at them, but Severus and Mr. Greenwood were quick to knock them out temporarily. As soon as they were taken care of, another three posed to attack, but this time the two found themselves punching their ways out of the situation. Severus knocked two of them out cold before moving on down the stairs. Mr. Greenwood thought he did a sufficient job, and as soon as he started following Snape, one cast an avada kadavra and he was dead.

Before he could cast it, Severus cast the same spell and he now realized that it was up to him alone to find Miss Granger. After a few more minutes down the dark stairs, he came walked into a doorway that lead to the hallway.

Severus suffered from deja vu as he realized that he was tracing the same steps he did in his dream. Not realizing it, he looked down at the floor and noticed the black carpeting. He looked at the doors; they were all the same. He knew that he should have quickened his steps, but he couldn't. It was just too weird, even for him. He looked to his right and counted the doors. He was now at five.

Shaking himself out of his daze, he looked around him to make sure no one would trouble his attempt, and to his surprise, the coast was clear. Was the rogue group really that small he pondered as he walked towards the door. He touched the handle, and tried opening it the old fashioned way. It worked.

His heartbeat quickened as he slowly opened the door. The room was lit with a few candles and was empty except for one body. He walked further into the room and saw a calf hanging limply over a stone slab. Slowly approaching her, he once again felt deja vu come over him as he saw the same dress in his dream, only this time if it wasn't just stained red, it was yellow from the spots where the blood had dried.

She didn't move. For a second he thought she was dead. He slowly approached her motionless form, her face, not in his direction. He whispered softly, afraid to touch her, "Miss Granger. Miss Granger. Hermione," a part of him liking the way it slid off his tongue.

It was then that she turned her head slowly to look at him. He always considered himself a man who could hold his stomach, but the image that followed made him heavily reconsider that assumption. Never in his years as a Death Eater did he and Lucius, for that matter, inflict this amount of damage.

Her face was bloodied and bruised. Her face was swollen from the punches that left a huge black eye on her face. Her bottom lip was split and a bruise had developed on her jaw. He moved his vision down and saw what made him cover his mouth with his hand - there was a cut straight across her throat in which the blood had coagulated, even though a charm was used to close it up. He was afraid to see what else they had done to her body.

She smiled slightly, pain evident in her attempt, as she whispered, "I knew you wouldn't forget me."

Her words snapped him out of his spell, outrage pouring from his expression. He didn't know what to do while he let his vision graze the rest of her body. There was dry blood on her legs and the part of her dress that rested around her stomach on down was soaked with blood.

He looked at what appeared to be burn scars on her wrist and tried to think of a way to pick her up that wouldn't hurt her even more. He then considered that maybe she would welcome the possible pain rather than spend one more minute in that room.

It was then that she began to shiver and she tried to tell him something, but he couldn't understand her.

Severus lowered his ears to her lips, trying hard not to search for new injuries. "What is it Hermione?" he asked as softly as possible.

"I'm…I'm…cold." she whispered back.

"I'm going to get you out of here and it may hurt. I can only ask that you trust me." he said as he removed his robes and draped them over her body. He then picked her up, and froze as she winced a bit but tightened his grip on her. He knew that she hadn't been fed since she got here. He covered her as much as he could with his robes as he began to run down the hall and up the stairs, refusing to look back. She rested her head on his chest.

Meanwhile, everyone else had taken care of most of the Death Eaters. Some had put up a strong fight, while others were easily taken care of. Harry had the particular pleasure of taking out a Death Eater by the name of Mr. Derevko. Some instances involved getting to the regular fistfight.

Draco was doing a pretty good job of holding off Indra, but his resolve was beginning to fade from his lack of sleep. The pepper up potion was beginning to fade. She kept on spitting out how he betrayed Voldemort and his own blood. He didn't understand why she showed more hatred for him than for Harry who took down her beloved leader. In the end, he supposed that she felt betrayal was the worst crime.

Some of the Death Eaters had managed to escape and apparate out of the Karnstein manor. Indra spent many words on how pathetic they were and swore revenge on them too. Her dementia reached fever pitch when Draco's wand was knocked out of his hand. She lowered hers too and started walking towards him before she threw herself on him and grabbed his neck, attempting to strangle him.

They both fell to the floor as Draco tried just about anything to pull her off of him. As Harry finished off one of the Death Eaters, he saw the fight and stupified Indra. It didn't work for but a few seconds before she was clawing at Draco again. Minerva saw the fight and ran up to Indra from behind and swung a heavy book at her head, knocking her out.

As she dropped the book on the floor, her hair a mess, she looked down at her and muttered, "Stupid bitch!" Everyone one else didn't know whether to look at her in shock with her language or applaud her words.

"Man, that woman's a piece of work!" Fred muttered, a few cuts apparent on his face. "Those Death Eaters had it all wrong in their leadership if you ask me!" he said, trying to salvage some humor that he felt died with his twin as he bent down to regain his composure.

"How many have gotten away?" Harry asked as he saw Dumbledore approach them.

"A few, but the remaining aurors will round up those still here. I hope Severus has found Miss Granger." Dumbledore said.

Just as soon as those words were muttered, Severus ran into the sitting room, robeless, with a bundle that everyone assumed was Hermione Granger. He didn't stop to see if anyone survived or to even give anyone a glance at her.

"We need to go...NOW!!!!! She needs to be looked at immediately. I don't think she'll survive much longer. Draco!" Severus shouted, "How do we get out of this bloody house! I have to apparate Miss Granger back to Poppy."

"I'll go with you!" Harry screamed out of desperation, running behind his former professor.

Draco gave Severus the instructions, opting to stay behind to make sure all the remaining Death Eaters were taken into custody. The only ones who followed Snape outside of the manor were Harry and Minerva.

As soon as they were at Hogwart's, Severus ran straight to the infirmary with the other two trailing behind him, but losing pace.

"What's wrong with her? What did they do to her?" Harry screamed out of desperation, even though he knew what the answer was. Severus never answered him.

"POPPY! POPPY!" Severus shouted until she walked into the infirmary and ran up to her fellow employee.

"What's going on for bloody sake!" she shouted as she looked at what Snape was holding.

"It's Miss Granger. We've got her." Severus said as he lay her down on an infirmary bed. Hermione didn't flinch this time - she was unconscious. It didn't take but a moment before the sheets were turning red in a few spots.

"She's lost a lot of blood." he started before he saw the medi-witch gasp at what she saw. She turned her head around and then saw Harry and Minerva catch up to them in the room.

Harry rushed to the bedside and started in a fury that easily rivaled the one he gave the night he found out his friend was missing.

"WHAT DID THOSE BASTARDS DO TO HER? WHY HER?" Harry kept screaming over and over, ignoring the tears that were now streaming down his face.

Ginny Weasley then ran into the infirmary after hearing all of the ruckus. She didn't get a look at here dear friend; she didn't want to see the damage.

Minerva tried her best to hold him back, and succeeded when he gave up and fell to the floor. She tried to comfort him as much as she could before Poppy caught up with her senses and asked them all to leave the room, except for Severus.

"I thought you wanted Miss Weasley to help you with injuries?"

"She can deal with the rest of them when they decide to return. I didn't expect it to be this bad. I'm not going to let her help me fix someone who she deems a sister."

"Hopefully the rest of them will be arriving shortly. I didn't see anyone have anything terribly significant. Mostly scratches and bruises." Severus added.

"I...I don't even know where to begin." Poppy said as she took out her wand and noticed the blood that was staining the bed sheets. She lifted Hermione's dress and flinched at all of the blood she saw. No one would see Severus do the same thing.

Poppy waved her wand over the area and the bleeding appeared to have stopped.

Severus began to take in her injuries now that the room was fully lighted. He started at her feet which had what appeared to be burn marks on one of them. He recognized the mark immediately and searched until he found the familiar marks on the inside of her wrist.

Poppy removed the tarnished dress without taking into consideration that someone else was in the room, but with the pace of someone trying to heal as much as she could before it was too late. She didn't think her former student would mind a few moments in the nude to tend to the injuries.

She didn't even have to ask Severus to fetch her some water and towels to clean the girl off. He tried to keep a face of stoicism in front of Poppy, but there were moments he couldn't look. He felt as if he were somehow violating her again just by looking at her nude form.

"I'm afraid she won't be able to have children. Whoever did this to her did a number. Her reproductive system is all but useless to her now." Poppy said to no one in particular.

Thirty minutes later, Poppy tended to most of the inner damages, doing what she could to heal Hermione's broken ribs and fractured jaw. There were going to be some scars, but Severus was oddly concerned about the stories that Miss Granger would associate with them. Why her well being suddenly afflicted him, he didn't truly know. He scolded himself for even showing a shard of emotion, but anyone who wasn't repulsed by what was done to her deserved to be branded heartless.

He went to his chamber in desperate need for sleep, not knowing just where everyone else was. He didn't even know if Indra Karnstein was still alive. As he prepared himself for a short nap, he ran to his bathroom and threw up.

Trying to keep his mind off of the recent events, he closed his eyes, but could only see the image of her going through those tortures and the scream reverberated itself onto him as he knew that it was now a part of his memory.

Authors Note: Wow. This chapter reached 13 pages, and that's a lot for one chapter! I want to thank all of those who have been reading and reviewing the story. Please, keep the feedback coming. It only spurs me onto more writing frenzies.


	6. Bedshaped

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

How To Disappear Completely by KerryMuggle

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this - yada yada yada blah blah blah. It's all been said before.

"Bedshaped" from the album "Hopes and Fears" by Keane. I listened to their music throughout the writing of this chapter and highly recommend them.

Chapter 6: Bedshaped

"And I don't understand the same things as you do. But I do."

She was out 72 hours now. Madame Pomfrey was always monitoring to make sure that she was doing fine. Most of the bruising seemed to be healing well, but the burn marks left scars that could almost easily be hidden. Still, the most disturbing remnant was the line across her throat.

The medi-witch decided to burn the sheets the former student was on rather than try to wash the blood out off. She noticed Hermione wearing a necklace and removed it for the time being. The dress was a matter she didn't feel she had a right to decide over. She knew that Hermione wouldn't want to keep it, but still, it wasn't her choice.

Hermione Granger had numerous visitors in those 3 days. Harry Potter was a constant with her and at times broke down in tears apologizing for no clear reason. He would often rehash their adventures when they were students while mixing in pleas of her coming back to them all. When he couldn't stay, he acquired a music box he charmed to play when no one else was in the infirmary - to somehow implant the idea that she wasn't alone. He heard of some of the muggle bands she liked and had their music charmed into the box. Madame Pomfrey tolerated it for the most part.

Severus had been by the day before and noticed Ginny Weasley there with Draco Malfoy. Somehow, there was a comfort to be found in holding the hand of one who is passed out. He noticed that and laughed a bit at the sappiness of it. What comfort could come to her from that display? He visited out of respect. Her condition was improving he noticed and any day now she would awaken. If there was one thing he refused to do though was to sit next to her like everyone else had done. If alone, he would stand in front of the bed, at her feet, and watch her slumber. After a few moments, he would be gone. He, like everyone else, wanted her to wake up, but at the same time he feared what her reaction would be to it all.

The remaining aurors at the Karnstein manor were brought into Azkaban - Indra included. She was silent in her ministrations from what he heard and refused to see anyone. All that was left to them would be the Dementors Kiss. Severus thought that merciful compared to what he had seen in the last few days. Still, his concern didn't lie with Death Eaters. The school year was going to be starting in two weeks and he had plenty of work to do besides wait for some silly chit to wake up.

Hermione Granger was now out for 96 hours. While in his chambers, he made mental lists of just what needed to be done for the time being before a new batch of dunderheads started Hogwarts. He spoke briefly with Neville Longbottom and although the new Herbology professors fear of him had stifled for the most part, Severus still felt he a bit of the upper hand. Credit deserved to be given where it was due - and in the case of Mr. Longbottom, it was due with his research and knowledge of the subject. They talked briefly of Miss Granger and Neville rehashed one of the many memories of Hermione helping him in Potions. The thought reminded Severus that he needed to visit the girl.

Three hours later, he made his way to the infirmary and as he walked into it, heard the charmed music box that Potter had set up for her in a pathetic attempt to keep her company. It was laughable, but at the same time, he admired the fact that she had such devoted friends.

The box stopped playing as soon as he reached her bed. She was still. He watched the rise and fall of her chest. The breathing that was once labored was now in a fluid motion. His vision lingered to the scar on her neck. How on earth she survived that baffled him. The silence in the room was unbearable and he gave into the thought of being one of the many who sat next to her. The chair was still there, just waiting to be filled.

He sat in the chair and observed his former student. There was still a trace of the black eye that would remain for another day or two on her face. Dumbledore told him of what Pomfrey did in burning the sheets. While it was rather symbolic, he thought it a bit tacky to say the least. He knew that she wouldn't take comfort in that. He began to wonder what she would take comfort in. Her parents were dead. He was pretty sure that whatever plans she had in terms of furthering her education would no doubt be put off for now. It would be foolish for a mind like hers to immediately jump into work in order to deny what happened to her, but he taught her for seven years, that was exactly what she would do.

The more and more he tried to decipher what her possible thoughts would be, he berated himself for even wasting his time in that. But the temptation to do what everyone else was doing overwhelmed him. He looked at her left wrist which had the visible circular burn marks on them. He lightly traced his finger over them, feeling their texture and letting it run over her vein.

The urge was too strong - a calling almost and he decided to let go and give in. He grasped her hand in his, feeling the soft skin and running his thumb over her knuckles. The feeling was one he quickly grew accustomed to and relished in, even though a part of him was angry that such an action could bring out the "softie" in him. He would be the first to admit that ever since the war ended, he was able to lighten up a bit, not be such a "pompous ass" as many of his students called him. But still, he held high expectations with both his students and himself. It was the only way to go about things he felt.

Before he could fully scold himself, he heard a moan. He immediately released her hand and looked at her face. She was beginning to stir and Severus knew that he should have gone to Poppy's office to notify her, but he didn't. He just watched as her eyes slowly opened.

"Miss Granger?" Severus asked.

She turned her gaze to him and remained silent for a few more moments.

"Am I at Hogwarts?" she whispered.

"Yes. You've been here for four days."

She tried to sit up but winced as she steadied herself but still sat up even though it was visible that it hurt her a bit.

"You may be a bit sore from some of your injuries. Madame Pomfrey did what she could."

Hermione didn't seem to be paying attention as she looked around.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Severus asked, surprised at the kindness in his voice.

"Could I have some water please?"

Severus transfigured a vase with flowers into glass of water and handed it to her. He watched as she drank it all down and reached to put in on a table Dumbledore had put into the room to hold the music box. She once again winced a bit as she reached. After she placed the glass on the table, her hand flew to her chest as she felt desperately for the necklace her mother gave her. Panic was evident on her face as she tried to find it.

"Where is it? My necklace. My mother gave it to me.............I need to find it."

Severus, still seated, looked around and found it bundled up behind the music box. Before he could get to it, Hermione spotted it and grabbed it in a hurry. She unraveled the chain and clutched onto it, her hands shaking the whole time as she fumbled with the clasp numerous times. Her hands shaking so much, it was almost impossible for her to undo it.

"Damn bloody chain" she mumbled as she fumbled with it some more.

"Miss Granger...." Severus said as he lightly touched her hand, regretting it immediately when she flinched away from him, "please allow me" as she slowly handed him the necklace and he undid the clasp. His fingers lightly grazed her skin and noticed how cold it had become in those few moments. She picked up her hair and let him wrap the sapphire around her.

"Thank you." she whispered looking downward.

"You're welcome." he spoke softly, not realizing that Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were walking into the infirmary.

"Ah, Miss Granger, I see that you're awake! You gave us quiet a scare there for a while." Dumbledore added.

"How are you feeling my dear?" Minerva asked.

"I'm fine." she replied, appearing not fully aware of what happened to her.

"Do......do you know what happened to you?" she asked, afraid that the girl may have blocked out the painful memories.

"I.....watched them kill my parents. They........they......raped and beat me....." Hermione began to say as she nonchalantly traced her fingers over the scar running across her neck. She tried to keep herself composed as her eyes began to well up. "I want to see Harry!" she cried as Madame Pomfrey walked out of her office and up to the bed.

"We'll inform Mr. Potter of your request, but you should catch some more rest. You don't want to strain yourself now do you." Dumbledore said.

"No! I want to get out of this bloody bed and walk around! And how can you speak to me of what I want? Can you bring my parents back? Can you tell the Ministry that they truly fucked up on this one? Can you make this disappear, she asked as she pointed to her neck. How dare you speak of what is best for me when you don't have any idea of what I've been through the past few days. They should have just killed me and gotten it over with!" Hermione said as she began to kick the sheets and motioned to place her feet on the floor.

"Now now dear, you can't get all fussed up! There may still be some internal damage." Madame Pomfrey spoke.

"DON'T CALL ME DEAR OR HONEY OR BABY!!!! SHE WOULD SAY THOSE THINGS. SHE.....SHE........" Hermione yelled as she was starting to lose her energy.

Severus immediately knew who "she" was.

"'She' has been captured Miss Granger and is in Azkaban awaiting the Dementor's Kiss." Severus replied, trying to calm the girl down.

Hermione sat on the bed and tried to compose herself. Even though she had four days of rest, there were circles under her eyes that didn't have a sparkle of a girl filled with life. She let Madame Pomfrey lay her back on the bed and gave her a sedative potion to calm her down a bit.

"Severus, I would like a word with you in my office whenever you're free." Dumbledore asked.

"I'll stop by whenever I can." Severus replied tersely.

"I'll go inform Mr. Potter and the Weasley's of Miss Granger's wake. Mr. Malfoy is visiting The Burrow too if memory serves me correct." Minerva said as she walked out after the Headmaster.

Madame Pomfrey approached Severus and kept her voice low. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind brewing up some extra dreamless sleep draught. It wouldn't surprise me if Miss Granger will consume most of my supply."

Before she walked away towards her office, Severus told her he would start working on it after his meeting with Dumbledore. He realized that, once again, he was the only one in the infirmary. As he approached her bed, she was still awake, staring into blank space. He turned to walk away when he heard her speak, not necessarily to him.

"I won't be able to have children will I?" she asked.

"I'm afraid not. Madame Pomfrey did what she could, but not everything could be salvaged." he said, not turning to face her.

"Well, it looks like she did succeed in her check list." he heard her say as he walked away.

* * *

"Are you mad?!" Severus asked Dumbledore as he clutched a glass of firewhiskey. "The girl just woke up and you already have plans for her that have not input from her whatsoever!"

"I think once she is in her right state of mind, she'll be open to my idea. It wouldn't hurt if you stood by me in it also."

"You want me to take her on as an apprentice for Potions! You damn well know that I don't mess with that crap! I don't have time deal with an assistant, let alone one who has just been through the train wreck that she has been through."

"I think she would do well under your tutelage."

"The girl was going to be an auror from what I've heard. Why should she waste her time with me? Better yet, why would she want to waste her time in auror training! A girl like that is better suited for research."

"Miss Granger was highly interested in taking on multiple subjects at a wizarding university after auror training. She has always been good at multi-tasking. That time turner was mastered pretty well in her third year. Besides, you and I both know that she was one of the best students in Potions. The girl has a gift and under your watch, it will develop to more."

Severus felt as if Dumbledore were trying to set him up for something. His grimace was visible on his face and he looked at the twinkle in Dumbledore's eye before saying, "What are you up to? These past few days you've been awfully suspicious with your actions pertaining to me and Miss Granger and I don't like it. You sent me to find her, when you know that my strong points are in battle. Now you're suggesting that I take her on as an apprentice!"

Dumbledore sat down across from his Potions Master. He gave him a look this time, not of mischief, but of seriousness. "After hearing about your dreams involving Miss Granger, I couldn't help but wonder if the two of you have some sort of connection."

"It was a dream for Merlin's sake!" Severus berated.

"Dreams, you mean Severus. As much as you may hate to admit it, I believe there is a connection. I know you respect her, even though you're not too fond of her. She needs something stable to grasp onto right now."

"Oh yes, I am the poster child for stability Albus! Why not just send her to the Weasley's or something. She can knit with Molly!"

"She will want to learn." Albus replied. "She will have some creature comforts with Neville Longbottom, Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley, and maybe even Minerva and I."

"Well have Minerva take her on as an apprentice!"

"Because her scores for Potions were some of the highest this school has ever seen. Even higher than yours I recollect." Albus said with a hint of humor.

"Thanks for twisting the knife in the wound Albus. Why not let her decide. It wouldn't surprise me if she wanted to leave this world all together."

"Just think about it for a while Severus. She would take over your first and second year classes - giving you more time for research. She could help you brew potions."

"She could be the irritable Gryffindor know-it-all that she has been since the day she first stepped foot onto this school! I may have a little more patience and tolerance now that the war is over, but with that girl, I don't think that will be possible!"

"All I ask is that you just think about it for a while. It will ultimately be her decision in the end."

"I take it you will want me to offer her the position?" Severus asked with bitterness in his voice.

"That would be nice."

"Where would she stay? You honestly don't think that I would share my chambers with her."

"Severus, sacrifices will need to me made."

"She can stay in the bloody Gryffindor house!"

"Now now. You're making too big a deal out of this! I'm not asking you to marry the girl."

"You're selling something close to it!" Severus bit back. He suddenly stood up and started for the door. "I have to brew some more dreamless sleep draught for Poppy. I'll think about your proposition." he said without looking back and walked out of the door.

Albus Dumbledore relaxed into his chair, a glimpse of relief in his eyes.

* * *

Hermione sat up in the infirmary bed, reading one of her old textbooks which she asked Minerva to bring her to cure the boredom. She had heard that the school would be quiet for just a few more days, so she tried not to take it for granted. Every now and then, she would get up and walk around the infirmary to calm her nerves, but she still felt sore in some places.

She heard footsteps approaching and looked up to see Harry Potter walk into the infirmary carrying with him a box of sweets from Honeydukes. Hermione nearly jumped out of her bed to meet him in the middle, but waited until he reached her bed and hugged her as if he hadn't seen her in a year.

"I'm so happy that you're safe." Harry said.

"It's good to hear your voice." Hermione said, trying to choke back the tears. "There were a lot of things I didn't think I would see or hear again."

Harry sat in the chair next to her bed and handed her the box of sweets.

"Thank you. I'm afraid I don't have much of an appetite right now."

"I had them mix it up for you. There's a little bit of everything. So, how are you?" Harry asked.

"Boy, you go straight for the jugular don't you? I'm fine. I just can't stand being stuck here. I feel like I'm in a bloody prison!"

"Have you thought about what you're going to do now? Auror training is going to start any day now you know."

"I'm no longer interested in that for some strange reason. That time, at that place, it just made me re-evaluate some things I thought I wanted if I.........survived. For the first time in my life, I don't know what I want or what to do and it frightens me. I can't stay here and hide from the rest of the world."

"I took the liberty of going to your house with Draco and Ginny. Most, if not all of your family's possessions were burned. The Death Eaters set your house on fire after they.......well, you know."

"Thanks." was all Hermione could say.

"We found this picture." Harry said as he pulled out a black and white photo of the three of them taken the summer before her seventh year. They were traveling in Italy.

Hermione immediately smiled as she held the picture. "Thank you. I really do appreciate it."

"You know, you could take a break. Molly is constantly talking about you visiting and spending some time at The Burrow."

"That sounds lovely, but I want to devote some time to my studies. It would be nice to have something to focus on besides chasing gnomes. Where are Draco and Ginny?"

"I don't know. I think the two of them have a little something going on. Ever since the war ended, they've been spending a lot of time together. You think they're seeing each other?"

"You're guess is as good as mine. Ron would flip if that were true!"

"Oh, I can so easily see that temper flaring!" Harry said as he and Hermione started laughing a bit at the thought. Then it dawned on them, that he was no longer there to laugh along with the joke.

The two talked for another hour before Harry had to leave to return to The Burrow. He promised to come visit Hermione soon and asked her to owl him as soon as she decided on what her next move would be.

She would get visits that day from both Ginny and Draco (who both arrived separately) but didn't question the theory that the two of them were seeing each other. It was nice to look at them again and speak to them again, forgetting what had transpired in the last few days. Oddly enough, no one brought up what had happened to her. She was relieved at not having to rehash it all.

The boredom was quickly catching up with her, during stages where she would sleep for a little while and then occupy her mind with reading. Anything to keep her mind off of her days as a voodoo doll for Indra Karnstein and her Death Eaters. She drifted off into a light sleep when she began to feel the chill that was the room. The goosebumps rose on her skin and she felt the linen of her dress shift across her skin. The face of Mr. Derevko began to descend upon her when she suddenly shot up in her bed and faced Severus Snape.

"I see you're awake." Severus said as he took a seat next to her.

Hermione eyed the room, making sure that she and her former professor were the only ones in there.

"Are you alright Miss Granger?" he asked, suspicion arising in his tone.

"I'm fine." she whispered.

"I promise not to keep you long. Albus has been thinking about you and has come up with an idea for what we can do to continue your education."

"I like the company. It stops the dark thoughts from coming back." she said, her eyes still roaming the infirmary.

Severus lingered a bit on her last words, but he didn't have time to think much of it. "We all know that you are intending to start training as an auror. Are you still interested in that particular field?" he asked with a soft deadliness to it.

"No. I.....I have so many things swimming through my head and I thought I wanted to be an auror, but I think my experience with those who were so inexperienced gave me a different perspective on it. I think I would be happy focusing on something else."

Severus sighed a bit in relief. She was too smart for a job as an auror. She deserved better. "Albus and I were discussing what could be done to aide in your quest for further education. He recommended, upon looking at your Potions scores, that I take you on as an apprentice. That is, of course, if you would like to pursue the position. I'm just merely suggesting it."

Hermione's face lit up a bit at the thought of having something to focus on for the time being. "I would be honored to pursue further studies. But, don't you think it a bit rash?"

"Rash?" he questioned.

"To state it bluntly - you hate me. For seven years Harry, Ron, and I were the bane of your existence. The idea of you taking me on as an apprentice is a bit silly don't' you think?"

"Well, forgive me for offering you a chance to continue your studies."

"That isn't what I meant!!" Hermione stated, her voice rising. "You made it no secret for the past seven years that I was an 'insufferable know-it-all.' Why would you be even remotely interested in taking me on when we both know that you would much rather devote your time to other things."

Severus took a few moments to think of his response, her eyes never looking up at his. This girl knew him too well and it frightened him a bit. She looked tired and in need of some sun on her skin.

"I'll be the first to admit that I was a bit unfair in my past ministrations with you, Mr. Potter and Weasley. The times were dangerous as you and I both know. But if there is one thing I want you to know is that I, above everything else, respect and admire your intellect and hunger for knowledge. You've put many to shame in so many areas and potions research would highly benefit from a mind like yours."

"Was that hard to admit aloud?" Hermione questioned.

"It's never hard to admit if it is the truth."

"I don't know if you would be able to answer this question, but, what was done with my parents bodies?" Hermione asked, quickly changing the subject.

"The Ministry informed us that they were given a proper burial in London."

"Will I be able to visit them?" she asked quietly.

"I don't know if it would be too safe right now. There are still some Death Eaters loose after we invaded the Karnstein home. We are not too sure if they would try to seek revenge."

"Of course." Hermione spoke in quiet anger. "Plans within plans."

"I don't know what I could say that would make it more comforting for you, but it is what must be done for now."

"You never yielded to comfort any of your students for seven years, so I don't see why you would do so now Professor. Maybe I don't need comfort. Maybe I need a good dose of reality."

Getting a bit impatient, he went back to the subject at hand. "Would you like the apprenticeship Miss Granger? I cannot guarantee that it will always be exciting, but you will be able to teach first and second years and help me in research if it's any consolation."

Hermione was silent for a few moments before she looked her former Potions apprentice in the eyes and said, "I would really like that. Where would I reside?"

"Albus has recommended you stay in my quarters. You will have your own room and whatnot."

The look on Hermione's face was a bit annoyed, but Severus expected it nonetheless.

"I'm not too fond of sharing my quarters if you must know. It is only from Albus' suggestion and if you so please to stay with the Griffyndors, take it up with Dumbledore." and with that Severus stood up.

"I must be going now. I bid you good day." he said as he walked away.

Hermione didn't say anything as she watched her former Potions professor walk away. Her only thoughts were those of how interesting a year it would be.


	7. Dream On

Disclaimer: Alas, I don't own anything.

"Dream On" by Depeche Mode from the album "Exciter" ("Black Metallic" by Catherine Wheel was utilized for this chapter also.)

Chapter 7: Dream On

"There's no time for hesitating

pain is ready, pain is waiting

primed to do its educating"

"I highly doubt you will be the one to run around at all hours of the night, keeping me awake and what not. As do I doubt that you will leave your rooms a mess. I expect you to pick up after yourself." Severus started his speech as soon as the two of them walked into his chambers and gave her a terse tour.

Hermione still didn't have anything to unpack and was planning on having Ginny go into Hogsmeade and London to do a bit of shopping for her. She had learned a few days earlier that her parents had left her with a hefty sum of money, along with the money from their life insurance policies. While it did trouble her to admit how they died, the muggle police had it labeled on the death certificates that their deaths were caused from a fire that started from an electrical wire mess up. Harry had volunteered to go to sign the final papers since there was still a fear for her safety. He encountered a bit of difficulty, but after receiving a message from Miss Granger, they allowed Harry to handle everything. She told them that she couldn't travel because of illness. He went to Gringott's to deposit everything soon after.

While Harry was a bit shocked upon learning of Snape's offer to take her on as an apprentice, he was happy that she would have something to focus on. Plus, she would be getting paid to for her work that wouldn't leave Hermione in a potential financial rut. He didn't question her sudden change of career paths in giving up auror training and joked about how he would have Draco watch to make sure Snape didn't give her too much crap.

Hermione looked at her former professor, now co-worker, without a sneer that he was almost expecting. In fact, he almost wished he could get a smartass remark instead of just looking at an emotionless face that was devoid of color. She followed him around as he showed her where everything was.

"Your room is just down this small corridor. It's spacious enough to where you won't be claustrophobic, but I ask that you please remember that you are sharing your living quarters and not have that charmed music box Potter gave you blare too loud."

"That's what silencing spells are for." Hermione said quietly.

Severus didn't reply to her comment, but almost welcomed it. It wasn't yet fall, but her clothing choices were those of one who was ready for the season in a turtleneck and jeans. While for a second he thought it was because of the rumor of his chambers being colder than a morgue, but when his eyes fell on the long sleeved brown turtleneck, he immediately knew that she was covering up her scars. The necklace she so cherished stood out. He wasn't used to this Hermione Granger. He even contemplated pushing her buttons to the point where he would get the response he was expecting.

"It's just a pre-cautionary word - that's all. There's no need to pretend that I'm in favor of this particular arrangement." saying the last words with a particular cruelty.

"Well sorry for being a thorn in your side." she replied again, without raising her voice while looking at her rooms. She could tell that he must have done some readjustments to it to suit her. There was no way Severus Snape would allow crimson to dominate a room in his chambers.

"Thank you. It looks really... cozy." Hermione responded.

"I don't know how you are to acquire new robes, clothes and such."

"I know Dumbledore doesn't want me to leave the grounds for fears of another attack. I asked Ginny to go into Hogsmeade and London to purchase some clothes for me. She knows what I like." Hermione said as she slowly paced her room.

"Well, we have just a few days before the academic year starts and it'll suit you well to get accustomed to how I like to run the classroom and research."

It was then that Hermione stopped pacing and looked her former Potions professor straight in the eye and responded, "I've been under your tutelage for seven years. I think I'm quiet used to how you run things. It won't be hard for me to adapt. I thank you for doing this."

While he could tell that she was truly grateful, her eyes gave him the opposite impression. Eyes that once hungered to see every bit of information were now empty. He could tell she wasn't getting much sleep, but he told himself that such things were her problem.

Every now and again he swore he'd see her grip onto something, her body still sore from the injuries, but she was never one to ask for assistance. Her independence was a quality he admired, but most would see such behavior as stubbornness.

Severus looked down at his feet, trying to find some distraction from her subtle gaze that had some strange power in it. "If you'll excuse me, I have some... business to attend to." he said as he quietly made his exit.

Hermione continued to pace around the room and finally climbed onto the bed out of sheer boredom. It only took a few minutes, but she fell into a soft sleep.

* * *

"We know where you are. You can't hide."

It was a whisper that sounded all too familiar. She tried to place it, but couldn't; her vision engulfed only in darkness. The laugh was what gave it all away. She began to panic and then awoke suddenly to see Ginny Weasley placing a new wardrobe in Hermione's closet and drawers.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you up." she said as she continued to have the clothes fold themselves and fall neatly into the dresser drawer.

"Thank you."

"It's no problem."

"No really. Thank you for doing all of this for me."

"Hermione, it's really no problem. It's nice to go shopping on someone else's account. You're going to have to let me borrow some of this stuff though is my only request."

"Sure." Hermione said with a slight smile as she got up from the bed. "How long have you been here?"

"Not too long. I'm going to go back to the Burrow for a few days before the new term starts. Do you want to come?"

There was a heavy hesitation in her voice that Ginny immediately picked up on.

"It's alright. I understand that you might not want to get out. I'll send Mum and everyone else your love."

"Thanks Ginny. What time is it?"

"It's a little after six. Dumbledore invited me to join you all for dinner, but I promised Mum I'd be home before then."

With that, Ginny gave her friend a hug and said goodbye. Hermione stretched her legs and walked out of her room and down the corridor to the main room in Snape's chamber. It was quiet in her former Professor's chambers as she took a second glance at the room. She noticed a massive library built into the wall. It even expanded in the space above his fireplace. Hermione walked towards the books, almost hypnotized by the selection. Her vision glazed over all the titles, as she lightly ran her fingertips over the spines of the books relishing in the feel of the old leather not noticing the door opening and closing.

Severus walked into his chamber and observed his apprentice in awe of his personal library. He didn't want to interrupt the moment and chose to watch her for a few more seconds.

"I see you've found my book collection."

His voice startled her more than she liked to admit and he, again, regretted doing such a thing.

"I think your collection would intimidate our own library." Hermione stated. "Would... would it be ok if I borrowed a few of them sometime?" she asked with a hint of timidity in her voice.

"You need not have had to ask." he said even though he knew that if she would have took it upon herself to borrow one without asking he would fume.

He excused himself and walked into his bedroom while she continued to browse the titles in silence.

* * *

"When I was a little girl - I was happy." It began as a whisper, but the voice of Indra Karstein slowly rose. "He promised me that we would find those responsible. He delivered that promise. How can I not remain loyal? I shall make a new promise. We will find you and finish what we started."

And with those words Hermione shot up in her bed screaming in utter agony. It took her a few minutes before she could calm down. Days had passed and it was now the night before classes officially began at Hogwart's. The Sorting Hat ceremony went off without a hitch and while Hermione chose not to watch the spectacle, Ginny told her all of the details. It was mentioned that she was going to be Professor Snape's apprentice along with the new addition of Draco Malfoy as the DADA instructor.

She began to grow accustomed to the nightmares like clockwork. Madame Pomfrey gave her a batch of dreamless sleeping draught, but as she looked down at the case she hid underneath the bathroom sink, she knew that it would only last her a few more days.

Every morning, at around two, she would wake up and walk into the bathroom, drink a vial, wash her face and see without shock just how much she changed in the past few weeks. She looked tired all of the time - she felt tired all of the time. What energy she once had, she no longer felt the exuberance that once inhabited her body.

She breathed in a sigh of relief at the thought that Snape had been decent to her. They hardly spoke to one another, but she was never in a mood for conversation. Every night it started over again with a scream. Would they ever disappear like she wished she would? There was even a contemplation of using a pensieve, but she knew that it would be the easy way out of things instead of her facing the ultimate fact. After a few more moments of trying to collect her self, she walked out and went back to bed.

Severus Snape lay awake, trying to avoid the urge to run to her room and offer a flicker of comfort. For days she had awoken him with her screams and while it greatly annoyed his time for rest, he was concerned for her.

How could one not be concerned, especially where it concerned him. He saw her body. He retrieved it. Her flesh and its permanent markers of what happened to her. Severus knew that she would never admit out loud what she was really thinking. Hermione Granger was the type to bottle it all up and hope for the best. But he knew it would only take one random incident for her explode. She didn't want to be seen as weak, and he was sure that she felt guilt because she couldn't protect her parents. Just when she was supposed to start a new life, all hopes were pulled from underneath her.

And then he thought back to the moment he found her. Brutality that no one should be allowed to commit, he saw. It only made him feel worse, knowing that such time was given for those who violated her to do such things. Maybe if they would have found her a day earlier? Maybe if she wouldn't have been Potter's best friend? There were so many maybes, too many.

He would listen keenly and would wait until things quieted down. Even after the silence, he would still lie awake. There were moments he was tempted just to go and check on her, but couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't care if she was having trouble sleeping. As long as it didn't mess with her work, he wasn't concerned. That was all he could tell himself. He was afraid to shift too much in his own bed for fear that she would hear him, even though he knew she couldn't. He listened to the silence until he would eventually give in to rest, angry that while she didn't use the silencing charms for her rooms, thankful nonetheless for her forgetting to use them.

* * *

The first few days were uneventful. Severus introduced Hermione to his students as his apprentice and was to be listened to just as he was. While she didn't encounter any problems with her students, she still felt a bit odd with her position.

After a few weeks she fell into the swing of things. Her students took to her and while Snape was known for the sternness in his methods of teaching, Hermione was the softer of the two. While there were times she deducted points, she didn't get as much flack as Snape did.

She fell into the swing of things when it came to grading tests and research papers. She could understand the frustration that Snape had with his first years with some of their stupid mistakes.

"Are they really that stupid?" she asked once out of frustration while the two of them were in his chambers. "I give the simplest of instructions, yet, it's as if they turn off their brains!"

"Welcome to the club Miss Granger." Severus said, reviewing over lesson plans for the next day.

Hermione finished marking the paper and decided to call it a night. The circles under her eyes that were there from day one, still stood out and while Severus wanted to say something, he tried to convince himself that he didn't care.

"I'm going to turn in for the night." Hermione said, stretching her arms out as she stood up.

"Very well then." Severus said, knowing that it was pretty early. He watched her walk down the corridor and heard the door close.

She would still wear clothes to cover up her scars. While he didn't think she picked up on it, he would notice her fingers lightly grazing the area on her neck where her unforgettable scar was. It was as if she were making sure that the wound wouldn't reopen. If not that, her fingers would linger on the necklace her mother gave her. He liked to think that it was her beacon of strength in some moments. She never did notice his gazes - choosing to focus on her work - just like he knew she would do. She never spoke of what happened to her. He thought that she would pour everything out to her friends, but from what he saw and heard, she never did. It was topic that wasn't open to discussion. It scared him with the thought that she was a ticking bomb just waiting for the precise moment to explode.

He was lost in thought when all of a sudden he heard a scream and a door open. She ran quickly down the corridor and towards his door leading to the classroom, not even stopping to let him know what was going on. He quickly caught up with her and stopped her just as she reached the door. She was crying, her eyes already red and swollen, while trying to catch her breath.

"What's wrong?" Severus asked, his hands clutching her shoulders as she sunk down into him. "She only pointed towards her room and trying to find her voice to speak, "They're back!"

Severus looked towards the room and tried to go, but she clung onto him, desperate. She had become a child, begging for her protector not to abandon her.

"I have to go see. Just stay here." he whispered, calming her down as his hand unconsciously began to circle on her upper back. He could hear her whispering into his collar, "No more. No more."

After a few seconds, she let him go reluctantly. He walked towards her room, and slowly opened the door to see a box on her bed. He approached it and picked up the box to see two bloodied fingers, both with wedding bands on them. He gasped at the audacity of the gift and then looked to the floor to see a note in which the words

"Soon." was written in what appeared to be blood.

Severus stared at the note baffled. How on earth could such a thing get sent to her on basic owl post? He knew that they were her parent's fingers. So many thoughts were swelling in his head as he picked up the box, trying not to focus on its contents, and walked out of her room.

As he approached her, the box in his hands, slight traces of blood on his own fingers, she backed away from him, placing her hands in the air, trying to stop him until she was against the door. There was a pleading look in her eyes that made his heart stop in its beat for a moment as more tears flowed down her cheeks. She slowly began to slide down the door until she was on the floor, her knees brought up to her chin as her cries continued.

Severus didn't know what to do as he watched her admit defeat. For weeks she had been in her own prison and was now beginning to realize it. What words could he say that would comfort her? What actions could he do that would make her understand that she wasn't alone? He brought himself to her level and knelt down next to her.

"Hermione." he whispered.

"I just want to disappear and pretend none of this ever happened." Her voice was low and laced with tears.

"It won't make it go away and you know it."

"I'm so tired... I'm tired all the time… I just want one night where I won't be awoken by THEM." she pleaded, her eyes roaming to the box Severus clutched.

They stared at each other for a few seconds before she leaned her head against the door and looked the opposite direction of him, trying to do everything in her power not to show him her vulnerabilities. It was a battle she was failing, but she still held on to a glimmer of hope that she wasn't viewed as weak and useless by those around her.

After a few moments of watching her, he realized that he needed to inform Dumbledore about the "present." He was about to speak, but noticed that she had fallen asleep.

It would be too simple to cast a spell that would carry her to her bed, but he took his gamble on doing it the old fashioned way. He picked up her body, which felt lighter than it did when he first found her at the Karnstein's home. Upon the thought, he realized that she wasn't seen too often at the dining hall. She mentioned once that she preferred to have her meals sent to her. He was beginning to think that she skipped meals all together. He thought against bringing her to the bed that had, in a sense, gave her so many nightmares, but he didn't want to see her reaction if she would wake up in his bedroom chambers.

As he placed her sleeping form on her bed, he found a blanket that she had draped across a chair in the corner of her room and placed in on her. He then walked towards his door, grabbing the box and then flooed into Dumbledore's office.

* * *

"I can't believe they're doing this!" Minerva uttered in anger. She was chatting with the Headmaster when Severus arrived.

"What makes you think they wouldn't? I just want to know how that box could have been owled to her. We have wards protecting the school from suspicious and unwanted delivery services." Severus said pacing around the room in a manner that reminded the other two of Harry when he first heard his friend was abducted.

"Yes, but there are those rare few who can break through them." Dumbledore added.

"You think the remaining Death Eaters are responsible?" Minerva asked.

"Who else would it be?" Dumbledore added.

"What about Indra Karnstein? What if she is somehow psychically transmitting messages to them? Do you think she could be powerful enough to break the wards even if given the opportunity."

"Of course! She's in Azkaban awaiting the Dementor's Kiss, but she can still command them if needed be. I still don't understand how she can break the wards though, unless, she's found a different way to go about it." Minerva spoke softly.

After another hour of the meeting, they decided to concentrate on strengthening the wards. Severus was going to try and place a tracking charm on the box to see where it was sent from. They had decided not to tell Harry of the incident, but leave it to Hermione instead.

When the three decided to call it a night, Minerva walked out. Before Severus could floo out, Dumbledore stopped him.

"Severus, could I have a few more moments with you."

"What is it Albus?" Severus asked, tiredness apparent in his voice.

"How is Miss Granger getting along?"

Severus let out a breath of frustration and directed himself towards the chair next to the Headmaster.

"The girl is barely hanging on by a string." Severus said too quickly.

"Well, she has you to lean on."

"With all due respect Albus, you are barking mad! The girl wakes me up every morning with a scream that could wake the dead! She doesn't even eat! I'm not some sort of therapist, even though you tend to place me in that position. She can go sod off those thoughts and feelings to Potter and all her friends! How she deals with her problems is her... problem!" Severus said with anger.

"Now Severus! She is trying to heal. You two working together have the potential to go far in Potions research."

"Why must you insist that I like the girl? She is tolerable, but annoying nonetheless."

"We cannot let Hermione slip out of our grasp Severus."

"What in Merlin's robes are you talking about old man!"

"Hermione has just been through an ordeal that most people wouldn't be able to survive, at least with their sanity intact. She may pretend that everything is alright, even convince herself of that. She was never one who liked to show her weaknesses in front of everyone. I'm relying on you to look after her."

"What do you want me to do? Sit down and quietly ask her how she's feeling over tea?"

"Hermione is someone who needs to be pushed."

"Pushed? Yeah, straight to St. Mungo's!"

"Trust me Severus. It's the only way she'll break down her wall of denial."

"Whatever old man!" Severus said as he flooed back to his chambers.

Upon reaching his chambers, he walked towards his bedroom but was debating whether or not to check up on Hermione. It was odd how he was internally referring to her first name rather than her last and that plagued his thoughts more than he liked to admit.

He slowly walked the corridor until he reached her bedroom door. He didn't close it when he brought her there earlier, and while he wanted to just shut the door and call it a night, he couldn't. He could hear music from the charmed music box Potter had given her. Did the girl ever hear of wards?

There she was. Once again, some muggle band was playing on the box, but it appeared to put her at ease. He watched her for a few moments, nonchalantly taking in the lyrics.

_I think of you when you're sleeping_

_ and all the secrets that you're keeping_

_ you can't stay all day under the covers_

_ cause under there you'll discover..._

_ it's the color of your skin_

_ your skin is black metallic..._

He moved over to her sitting chair and shifted it towards her bed. He didn't know why he was doing it. For the first few seconds he questioned his own sanity at why he was there, watching her. He looked at the clock on her bedside table and saw that it was just after midnight. He knew that it was only a matter of hours before the nightmares would return.

Even in her sleep, she still looked tired. No matter how much rest she got, it would never be good enough. He didn't know how she could keep herself together, even though he knew that she was cracking at the seams. She was wearing the same clothes, but was underneath her covers this time he finally noticed.

Her arm was draped just enough over her bed to where her hand was hanging off of it. He looked at the scars given to her from sadistic cigarette burns. This was the first time he had ever seen them ever since he rescued her. Her pale skin contained such dark reminders. He had a flashback to all of the bruises and blood and he shuddered at the memory.

There were times when he thought she would consider locking it all away in a pensieve. While a part of him wished she would, anything to bring back the witch he once knew, another part of him knew that she wouldn't do it for the sake of remembrance. It's sick how people torture ourselves with the past sometimes he thought.

Albus' words came back to him of how he would have to push her. Upon looking at her, he didn't think he could bear it, but he knew that would possibly be the only way to bring her back to them. She was a ghost he thought sadly. She wasn't living but just killing time.

As the song ended, he stood up to go to bed and heard the song starting again. He walked towards her still sleeping form and watched her shift softly. The scar on her neck was now visible and a few strands of hair were draped across her face. Not fully realizing what he was doing, he reached out and traced them behind her ear.

"What this world wouldn't give to see you glow again? What wouldn't I give." he thought suddenly. He didn't have time to berate himself for thinking it, but reached for her hand that felt cold to the touch. And with those thoughts he walked out of her room. The door remained open on purpose.

Like clockwork the screams began. But this time, instead of just getting up and dealing with it, she continued her pitiful wails. He couldn't just ignore her this time. He got up and ran towards her room. The music box was no longer working, but her screams were overshadowing it.

He realized that she wasn't even fully awake. She was thrashing about on her bed, arms flaring in every direction, trying to hold off an invisible enemy.

"Just kill me!" she kept screaming incoherently. "Please. Please."

He rushed towards her, trying not to scare her, and found himself sitting next to her, pulling her up. He still wasn't sure if she was awake, but he felt her hand cling onto his sleeping robe.

"It's going to be alright." He whispered as began to slowly rock back and forth.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

She didn't say anything, but her screams had stopped. He placed his hand on her head, feeling the hair that had once been compared to a bush but was now tame. It too had lost its glow and shine along with its owner.

Severus didn't even realize that he was beginning to drift off to sleep as he leaned back onto the headboard. After drifting off for about an hour, Severus awoke and realized the strange comfort he felt with her in his arms. Her head was now resting on his lap. His hand was lingering in her hair and he realized that he would have to move. As he slowly moved, he tried not to disturb her, but found his job easy. He cast one last look at her before he walked back to his rooms.

"I have to push you." was all he said before he walked away.

* * *

The next few days passed by with no real significance. Hermione never knew of what Severus did as far as he knew. Severus had secretly stayed awake, hoping that she wouldn't resort to her screams. But the thought that bugged him was the fact that he hoped she would wake up. He wanted to comfort her and tell her that everything would be fine. He still didn't know how he would push her to the brink.

The next morning she would be assisting him in his fifth year Potions class. She would help monitor the students as they worked on their Potions. He watched her watch the students, telling them what they were doing right or wrong in their work. There was gentleness in her manner that he envied, but he wasn't going to go soft just because she had a talent with the dunderheads.

He thought he saw a Hufflepuff mixing ingredients that weren't supposed to be mixed and paced quickly towards him as he passed Hermione holding a vial, peering to see if it was the right color.

No one noticed as she froze, still gripping the vial. She heard the footsteps of Snape's boots and her mind flashed back to the sound of their shoes on the stone floor. In slow motion she heard every shallow step. That was the trigger she realized as she saw Indra Karstein smiling down at her. It was the trigger that made her vision slide out of focus when she heard the grunts of those who violated her over and over again. She didn't hear the voice of the fifth year Ravenclaw who was asking if she was alright. She only heard their laughs and felt the knife slide across her throat. Then the footsteps came back. Hermione dropped the vial on the floor to which made an even louder crack and pop because of its contents.

The Ravenclaws at the table scurried away as Severus quickly approached Hermione. She just stared into blank space, not even noticing that Snape quickly approached her and was now looking at her with both concern and anger. Seeing the glazed look in her eyes, he knew now was his moment.

Still looking at her, he dismissed his students.

"Get out!" he shouted to his students who were just in shock at Miss Granger's condition. Seeing that not many moved, he ordered them again to get out.

"GET OUT! GET OUT! CLASS IS DISMISSED NOW!" as the Hufflepuff's and Ravenclaw's fled the room. He waved his hand and the cauldrons and tables were cleared and ingredients were shelved back into place. He then shut the classroom door. All the while, she was still staring into blank space.

"Miss Granger!" Severus said as he shook her lightly. "Can you hear me?"

It took her a second to realize that Snape was shaking her. She then looked down at his boots and he followed suit wondering just what in the hell was wrong with her. He then realized what happened to her.

"Did you have a flashback?" he asked.

She nodded, not looking at him. He then lifted her chin so she could face him.

"Your boots." she whispered.

Severus then did what he knew he had to do.

"This has to stop." He said sternly. "I can't have an incompetent girl floating around messing up potentially dangerous potions because she has a flashback!"

Hermione just stared at him in disbelief at his accusations not knowing what to say. She watched him back away from her while he continued his attack.

"I'm so tired of being awoken by your bloody screams at night! I tell you to put a silencing charm so I won't have listen to that aggravating charm box Potter bought you! I ask you to come here and watch to make sure these fifth year's follow through with the instructions and you prove to be more of a dunderhead than them! Merlin woman! I can't bear to think of what you're doing to the first and second years!"

With that, Hermione swept past him and walked straight towards his chamber door and into her bedroom and slammed the door shut. Severus shut his eyes, regretting the words that he knew would cut her. He turned around and decided to let the forced attack continue as he walked towards her door. He was about to do what he did best…add insult to injury. Once again, she didn't ward her door and he didn't even bother to knock, but rather walked in. Before he could even utter a word, she threw herself at him, pushing him with a force he didn't think her weak body would have.

"FUCK YOU!"

"You will not speak to me in such a manner!" he said as he tried to put on the front that she didn't have the physical power she really did possess.

"MAYBE YOU NEED TO BE SPOKEN OF IN SUCH A MANNER! YOU OF ALL MEN IS NOTHING MORE THAN A...."

"A pompous ass?" Severus interrupted. "Or perhaps, greasy git? Overgrown bat? There is nothing I haven't heard whispered behind my back down these hallowed halls."

"I WAS GOING TO SAY ASSHOLE IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO KNOW!"

"Well, we can add that one to the list." Severus said in a tone reminiscent of ice.

Calming down a bit, Hermione continued, "I've never, in all my years, met a man who thinks himself too important such as yourself! You know what you can do with your list. You can shove it up your ass!"

She caught her breath for another second and never gave Snape the chance to retort when she continued. "How dare you speak to me in such a tone. You have NO BLOODY IDEA what I have been through. You don't know what it's like to watch them murder your parents in front of your eyes and all the while knowing that you can do not a damn thing to stop them! You don't know what it's like to feel them enter you over and over and over again and feel the blood flow out of your body. You've never smelled his breath that was laced with too much firewhiskey. You've never looked them in the eye and begged them to just KILL YOU AND PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR MISERY BUT THEY WON'T BECAUSE IT WILL ONLY BRING YOU MORE PAIN AND PUT A SMILE ON THEIR FACES!" Her face was now red and streaming with tears.

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FEEL HIM PUT OUT HIS FAGS ON YOUR FEET AND ARMS AND FEEL ANOTHER ONE BRING HIS FETISH FOR KNIVES INTO PLAY! YOU DON'T FALL ASLEEP EVERY NIGHT, KNOWING THAT EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE GONE, THEY'RE STILL GOING TO COME BACK! FUCK YOU AND YOUR PRECIOUS POTIONS CLASS!" Hermione shouted at the top of her lungs. It wouldn't surprise Severus if her voice would be gone the next day.

"THANK YOU MERLIN!" Severus said with a slight laugh as he walked towards Hermione, placing his hands on her shoulders. The look on her face was a priceless one. She didn't know what was going on with the man.

"What are you talking about?" she said, trying to catch her breath.

"FINALLY! After all this time you are finally admitting what you've been through! I've watched you build this wall around yourself, not telling anyone what happened to you. You've made yourself ill with your isolation and now you can move on with it!"

"You mean, you set that spectacle up just to get me to admit everything?" Hermione said, realization dawning on her.

"YES! AND IT WORKED! Dumbledore told me that I needed to push you to get you out of this rut and, may I add, you did an excellent job pushing back. Don't you see, now that you've admitted that all of this happened, you can move on with your life!"

Hermione backed away slowly and began to think of just how she had been denying what happened. She wasn't in denial, but in reality, maybe she was. The greasy git was right.

"So, Dumbledore told you that I needed to be confronted on the issue?"

"Yes." Severus said calmly.

"Oh." Hermione said softly as she turned her back to him, took a step forward, and then all of a sudden turned around again and punched Severus straight in his nose and swiftly kneed him in the groin. The last thing she heard was a grunt of pain with his falling to the floor as she walked out of her room.


	8. Gender Bombs

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

How To Disappear Completely by KerryMuggle

Disclaimer: Alas, I don't own any of this.

"Gender Bombs" from the album "Logic Will Break Your Heart" by my new obsession The Stills.

Chapter 8: Gender Bombs

"The girl will school you."

Draco Malfoy walked into Severus Snape's classroom right as Hermione stormed right past him.

"Hermione!"

She didn't even turn to acknowledge him. A smile played on his lips as he realized that the man known as the "greasy git" must have pissed her off pretty badly. His mission of talking to her was out of question now.

"Severus!" Draco shouted as he walked into his chambers. He paced around wondering where he could be until he heard a muffled grunt down the corridor. He called his former Potions professors name as he stopped in front of what looked to be Hermione's bedroom.

He stared in disbelief to see Severus Snape crouched down on the floor, a small bit of blood flowing from his nose.

"What happened to you?" Draco asked astonished.

"Miss Granger - that's what." Severus sneered, just now realizing the blood trailing to his lips.

"What did you do, or rather, what did she do?"

"Next time Albus Dumbledore gives me advice, remind me not to follow through with it. Just tell him to do it himself."

"For the third time, what happened?"

"Help me up will you?" Snape asked with a hint of anger, or embarrassment, in his voice.

As soon as he straightened out his robes, he began the account of what happened. Draco went into Hermione's bathroom and came out a few seconds later with a wet washcloth.

"I confronted her on the issue of what happened to her - how she needed to admit what had happened in order to move on with her life and what not. Well, it finally dawned on her just what she was doing and the thanks I got was a punch in the nose and a knee in the bloody…" waving his hand, indicating his lower regions.

Draco was beginning to laugh a bit, trying hard to stifle it.

"I don't think it's funny! I take the girl in, let her assume responsibilities for the first and second years and this is how she thanks me!" he said as he removed the cloth which had a huge spot of blood on it.

"I could have warned you about the punch." Draco said.

Severus eyed Draco suspiciously with curiosity as to what he meant.

"Third year. Crabbe, Goyle, and I were on our way to see that Buckbeak creature have its head cut off and we met up with 'the Trio' on our way."

"You've got to be shitting me? She punched you?"

"Yeah." Draco said softly, trying to keep a hint of manliness in his body language. "The girls got a good hook. But I didn't get the distinct pleasure of getting a knee in the 'you know whats'"

"I can live to tell then. Why are you here anyway? Don't you have some boggarts to release or something?"

"I came to see if Hermione was up for a walk. I had a free period and I haven't really had a chance to talk with her ever since...well, you know."

"Oh, I'm sure she's bouncing off the walls somewhere in these halls."

"Well, how is your research coming along?"

"We really haven't had the chance to do anything in depth. I thought it best we spend the first few weeks getting used to all of the students. I usually don't start any major research projects or experiments until after the first four weeks. It's for the sake of my own sanity I suppose."

"You know, she's a wonderful woman. I'd like to believe that she hasn't been the same since she was taken, but I think after what Weasley did she felt it necessary to somehow take the blame. But you could tell her that it wasn't her fault over and over, but she would never take your word for it."

Severus thought back to the day of the final battle. He didn't get a close up view, but he did know that an avada kedavra was meant for her and Ron Weasley was the one it reached instead. It was almost an unspoken rule that the war and who was lost in it were never mentioned. Like a ghost that would remain if too much time and energy were devoted to it, Snape noticed that it was looked upon as a sad event but it was a necessity for them to be in the state that they were now. Yes, he killed, but it was what one had to do in order to survive. He had enough dark days in his life, ironic, that just when he thought they were over with, an act of revenge would put a stopper to them.

* * *

"I cannot believe I'm going to be stuck with that ... that ... thing!" Hermione said as she lay back on Ginny's bed.

"Maybe it won't be that bad." Ginny said as she lay next to her friend, the both of them staring up at the ceiling.

"He took me on as an apprentice out of sympathy. I know it! Well, I don't want his sympathy. I don't want anyone's!"

"Ok. First and foremost, breathe! Second, do you really think Severus Snape, dreaded potions master, would take someone on as an apprentice out of sympathy?"

"You're right." Hermione sighed with defeat. "It's just, I'm so afraid everyone knows about what happened."

"Hermione, no one knows besides the select few."

"I know, but I have bouts of paranoia. I feel like everyone now looks at me and knows what happened."

"But you don't let them know. You cover yourself up as if we're living on a polar ice cap. I don't see how you don't suffocate to be frank."

"I get by." Hermione said quietly.

"I assure you Hermione that the only ones who know will not spread it as if it were idle gossip."

"I just wish I could find some space of normality. I'm comfortable, but it still feels so weird at times."

"Would it make me a bad person to be glad that you're going to stay at Hogwart's?" Ginny asked. "I wish the circumstances were different, but..."

"There's no point in dancing around it."

"I think you will do well with Professor Snape."

"Your optimism is a bad thing sometimes, Ginny!" Hermione said as she laughed slightly.

"Oh come on! I watched the way he visited you while everyone was waiting for you to wake up. He didn't know I was there, but I was."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, clearly puzzled.

"Snape visited you everyday. He was the one who brought you back to Hogwart's. Don't you remember?"

"I thought that was a dream." Hermione whispered. "I remember waking up and seeing him there, but I didn't know he brought me back."

"He is a pompous ass, but he can be soft when he has to." Ginny responded. "Don't tell him I told you that. I have one more year of potions with that man."

"You know being here just reminds me so much of Ron. I still wonder sometimes what would have happened if he would have..."

"Not jumped in front of you?" Ginny retorted.

"Yeah."

"Hermione, it doesn't help to dwell on the past. You loved him, we all did, but we have to move on. It's the only thing we can do."

"Does the guilt ever go away?"

"Yes. You have to surround yourself with the people you love; don't push anyone away. I offer this advice to you now especially considering what happened to you."

"I wouldn't do that." Hermione stated.

"But you are." Ginny said softly. "I'm not going to ask what happened. To be honest, I saw your body when Snape first brought it back. That was enough to stop my curiosity. You push people away when you refuse to go to the dining halls for meals. You push people away when you don't tell anyone what happened. You push people away when you stay shacked up in the dungeons."

"Alright! I get it. Have I really been that bad?" Hermione asked.

"To say the least. I can only hope that you confide in someone - Snape even!"

"Yeah, right!" Hermione said with disbelief. "Lets not talk about this anymore. Let's talk about you. How is everything Gryffindor head girl?"

"I'm fine. My stress levels aren't too high as of now so I'm relishing in it."

"You look happy. You have a glow."

"Well, I'm in my seventh year. That should speak for itself!"

"Is there anyone special that is contributing to that?" Hermione asked.

"You just don't waste any time do you?" Ginny asked with shock.

"Oh come on! Harry's noticed something even!"

"I can't talk much of it because of extenuating circumstances." Ginny said firmly.

"It's Draco isn't it?" Hermione asked.

* * *

Severus Snape sat in his chambers next to the roaring fire, staring into the flames thinking about nothing in particular. His thoughts slightly lingered onto his apprentice. She hadn't come back to the chambers since she left her parting gift. His nose was fine, but his other area of assault was still a little sensitive. He didn't know whether to applaud her bravado or throw her out of his chambers and classroom.

He thought back to how he found her - bloodied and bruised. The words she spoke to him still haunted his thoughts every now and then.

"I knew you wouldn't forget me." he whispered as the image of her face flashed in his mind. He cradled a glass of firewhiskey, but somehow found the taste off ever since she admitted that it was the alcoholic beverage of choice for one of her violators. Still lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear the door open.

"Professor," he heard softly.

"Yes, Miss Granger," Severus said, without even turning to look at her.

"I just wanted to apologize for what I did today. That was wrong of me."

"Granted."

"I would believe it if you looked at me whilst saying it." she replied.

Severus stood up and started to walk towards the liquor cabinet. He grabbed a bottle of what appeared to be vodka and two tumblers. He poured two glasses and handed her one.

"The apology is accepted Miss Granger. As much as it displeases me not to just have Albus place you with Minerva, I will ask that you do not resort to such violence when confronting your denials."

Hermione was about to reply to that, but Snape appeared to know that she was going to and gave her a look that made her cease such a comment. She walked to the chair across from his, still not daring to drink what the glasses contents were.

"It's not laced if you're concerned about that. It's just vodka."

"It's not that. I just don't know what else to say. I spoke with Ginny and then visited Dumbledore for a little while. You can say that it cooled me off a bit more. He told me everything about how he left it in your hands to do what you did. It may come off as if I don't appreciate it, but I do." Hermione said softly.

"I'm glad to know my bloodied nose was worth it." Snape said taking a swig, not daring to mention the other injury.

"You were right. I just didn't want to admit it, or deal with it for that matter."

"Your nightmares are a way of dealing with it."

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't realize that they were giving you trouble. I suppose I forgot the silencing charms."

"To be honest, I think your screams could have broken past those. What I'm curious about Miss Granger is just why is it you never confided in anyone."

"I don't know. I'm so afraid that everyone will find out."

"You're not to blame for this, and you know it Hermione." Severus said, realizing that he used her first name. Her head perked up when she heard it. He had used her first name before, and before she could ask herself when, she had a quick flashback of him finding her.

"I knew you wouldn't forget me." Hermione whispered it to herself, knowing that the person she was sharing the room with didn't hear her.

Severus continued on, not aware of Hermione's realization.

"I myself have had such moments. You learn that if you blame yourself for every person you didn't save, you will never see a moments worth of peace."

"I know, but I can't help but think that I could have done a better job protecting my parents. I could have pushed Ron out of the way. I could have fought back harder against those Death Eaters. I could have done so many things, but I didn't."

"You cannot bear the weight of all of that. It is not your responsibility to save everyone and everything!"

"That Harry's job?" Hermione said with a bit of laughter, which soon led to soft tears floating down her cheeks. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Severus asked.

"This!" Hermione said as she was trying to clear her tear ridden face. "Aren't emotions a sign of weakness in your creed."

"No." Severus stated bluntly. "Silly, foolish ones are, but yours are deserved. I would not think less of you for that Miss Granger."

"We're back to formalities." she replied.

Snape shuddered a bit at her comment. He was tempted to tell her that she could refer to his first name in private, but he didn't feel comfortable with it just yet.

"You haven't touched your vodka." he said, quickly changing the subject.

"I'm not one for alcohol to be honest."

Severus listened to her words and slowly started to trace his fingers around the brim of his glass. The silence was almost unbearable, but the crackling of the firewood seemed to be a worthy distraction for him. He contemplated asking her what happened to her - what truly happened to her, but what scared him was the fact that he was concerned.

The fact was that he liked her. Borderline attraction, maybe, but he was concerned about her. Here he was telling her to break through her denials and he himself was trying to protect his own. He sure as hell wasn't going to tell her that though. He still wanted to know what happened. He wanted her side of the story. He wanted to hear her voice spell out the situation instead of relying on her scars and bruises doing it for her. Did she know how damaged she really was when he found her? He was too lost in thought when he heard her voice.

"Professor,"

"Yes, Miss Granger," he said, still not looking at her.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I was just thinking about something - research." Severus said, applauding his somewhat quick retort.

"When will we be starting on research?"

"Soon. I don't like to have a lot on my plate when it comes to research in the first few weeks of school."

"You never struck me as someone who was concerned with that. I mean, you were a spy for years, an abundant plate must have some place of normality to you?"

"Unfortunately it did, but I surprise myself sometimes with what I choose not to do now that Voldemort is dead."

"Professor," Hermione said softly before she continued. "When I was speaking with Ginny earlier, she mentioned that you were the one who found me. I...I didn't realize it. I...I... wanted to thank you for doing that."

"You're welcome," was all he could say as he looked at her. She had a gleam in her eyes that spoke of her appreciation. A slight smile played on her lips as she stared back down into her untouched vodka.

Again, an uncomfortable silence weighed into the room. Hermione shifted slightly before continuing. "Professor. I don't remember much of what happened that night. I know it's crazy to want to delve back into that kind of stuff, but, I need to know what happened."

"There's not much to know Miss Granger. I found you in that chamber. You were cold and I wrapped you in my cloak and brought you back to Hogwart's while everyone else rounded up the remaining Death Eaters, including Indra Karnstein." Snape left out just how bad she looked along with the fact that he caught a glimpse of her naked body.

"Oh." she said, nodding her head, knowing that it wasn't good enough.

"I don't want to go into the all of the bloody details, for your sake alone. There were things I saw that I don't think you would be keen on reliving. From what I've heard, what they did to you was beyond horrendous, and it's not that I don't think you will take it well, but it is better to move on instead of dwell on what has happened."

"I still haven't seen my parents graves." Hermione mentioned.

"I know, and I wish I could say otherwise, but Dumbledore refuses to take any chances."

"Couldn't I just change my appearance? I mean, Dumbledore and the Ministry are the only ones who really know where they are buried. I need to say goodbye! I need to know where they are!" she pleaded with desperation.

Severus remained quiet. "You will see them again. I can't tell you when or how, but you will get that chance."

Hermione scuffed a bit in frustration. She leaned back into the chair and began to speak to no one in particular. Her neck was exposed as she turned her head to the left and placed her vision towards the wall. Severus watched her, curiously as she began to speak, not really caring if he heard a word she muttered.

"I just want to be new again. I constantly take showers, two, sometimes three a day because I never feel clean. It's like something that's invaded my body, a disease, that I'll never be able to get out. I don't feel whole or complete. I feel like there's something missing and I don't even know what it is, or where to look for it."

With those words, she sat up and downed the glass of vodka. Severus widened his eyes at the sight. He understood where she was coming from oddly, but didn't know what to say. It reminded him of his days as a Death Eater. After the raping, killing, and pillaging of those Voldemort deemed unworthy of life, he too felt the same way she felt. There was something inside of him that he couldn't get out. A darkness that invaded, remained dormant, and still resided in him. He learned to adapt to it and eventually ignore it. It was foolish to believe that after Voldemort was dead, his thinking that feeling would too disappear. He scolded himself for falling for such a belief, but it was all he had to rely on at the time. The pain was no longer as evident, but rather a stain that he gave up on trying to get out. Did he feel whole? Complete? Now he was almost content with his state. Did he want more? Yes, but now wasn't the time to focus on that.

He watched as she sat forward. Her face illuminated by the fire gave her a glow that her skin was missing ever since she was found. She didn't notice his eyes watching her, studying her every feature, putting her under a microscope as if she were a rare potion ingredient. The necklace her mother gave her left her with a soft touch that she always possessed in her years at Hogwart's but pushed aside in her quest for knowledge. Was this the girl who he remembered thinking would have loads of kids for either Potter or Weasley years ago? Was this the girl who wanted to be an auror but was better suited for things that would challenge her mind? Especially given what she did to him earlier that morning, along with Draco's commentary, she was capable of getting physical if needed be. Was this now the girl who would never feel a child kick inside of her belly? Was this the girl who had to settle for something less than she hoped for when boarding that train one last time? He was lost in his thoughts when his eyes widened at the sight he saw.

She placed her hands on her face and slowly moved them over her head and made her way down to her neck as she looked up at the ceiling - her eyes remaining closed the whole time.

It was image he saw in his dream happening right in front of his eyes. He watched her, fascinated with every move she made. The woman had a way of making his eyes linger on her. She was no longer a student. She is now a woman he thought to himself as he watched her get up and walk towards her chambers.

"Good night, Professor," was all she said as she walked away.

"Good night." he replied back, waiting until she closed her door before finishing his statement, "Hermione."


	9. Electrical Storm

How to Disappear Completely

Rated R (for now)

Setting: pre-HBP

Copyright: I don't own anything or anyone, except for Indra Karnstein and a few aurors.

Authors Note: I apologize for waiting over a year to update this. I've recently had to relocate for a job, so this has become my stress reliever. I do hope you enjoy this chapter. Constructive feedback/reviews are always welcome.

Chapter 9: Electrical Storm

The title of this chapter is taken from the song by U2.

"_You're in my mind  
All of the time  
I know that's not enough  
If the sky can crack  
There must be some way back  
For love and only love"_

"I don't know when it started to be honest with you." Draco stated pensively as he and Hermione walked around the campus of Hogwart's. "I realized that I had a bit of a crush on her during our sixth year. We would always flirt a bit now that I look back on it. Ginny really helped in my healing after the war. Her face was the first one I saw when I came to. Dumbledore has claimed that he will turn a blind eye, but she is not allowed to take my class. Plus, we can't go gallivanting around the grounds. We have to keep things as quiet as possible."

"When did you realize that you liked her?" Hermione asked smiling, even as she shivered a bit from the weather.

"I was afraid to act on my feelings, you know, before the war. I figured what was the point of telling her if we both had a heavy chance of not surviving the war. It was such a stupid belief then."

"It's understandable though." Hermione mused.

"I just remember turning the wand on my father and whispering that dreaded curse. The look on his face…I'll never forget it. When he realized just what I was doing, he didn't even try to stop me. I think the shock of my betrayal was what really killed him. The curse was just an added punch."

"Draco, I'll be honest with you because I consider you a friend. I'm not happy that such a task was ultimately left in your hands; however, I'm not sorry that he's dead."

"I'm trying to convince myself that I set him free. I set my father free from such a retched existence. The future of our name is in my hands now and I couldn't let such a black cloud haze over it. Does it make me evil to be glad that he's dead?"

"No." Hermione was quick to respond. "Draco, your father couldn't be saved. He was far too deep and even if he wanted to escape, we both know Voldemort wouldn't allow it."

"I sometimes wish Severus were my father. He's my godfather you know."

"I know." Hermione whispered. "He mentioned it to me once when we were doing research."

"How is that going?" Draco asked curiously.

"It's going well. We're civil to one another, I won't label him as a friend, but I do consider him a colleague. We're not constantly butting heads if that is what you were hoping to hear."

"You and Severus Snape butting heads – seriously?" Draco replied with a smirk on his face.

"He's offered to come with me for Indra Karnstein's kiss."

"That's strange; it seems like something he wouldn't do. I thought Potter was going with you?"

"He is, but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have some extra support. I don't even know if it is something I want to do. I keep thinking that I should face her, she's responsible after all, but I'm just ready to move on with my life. Going back there to face her will make me feel like I'm taking steps backwards."

"Karnstein will receive the Dementor's Kiss whether or not you are there. I don't want you to feel that it won't happen if you're not there."

"I know. I'm just…still not sure if I want to be there." Hermione replied.

Hermione walked into Severus' chambers, the warmth of the rooms greeted her as she began to remove the scarf wrapped around her neck.

"How was your little stroll with Malfoy?" Severus asked with what appeared to be a small hint of jealousy. He was reading what appeared to be an essay from one of his students. The red marks were evident on the paper.

"It was nice, and much needed." Hermione replied as she walked toward the bookshelf and reached for a book.

"Light reading?"

"I just want something to take my mind off of tomorrow." She spoke while grabbing a book analyzing poetry written by wizards.

"My offer still stands if you would like me to accompany you." Severus stated, scolding himself for the feeling he had of being sixteen again.

"I don't know if I can do this!" Hermione said as she stalked back to the bookshelf and placed the book back in its original place. "I don't know if I can face her. I don't know if I even want to face her! I'm supposed to be 'brave' and 'courageous.' I fought against Death Eaters and Voldemort, but I can't face some stupid girl!"

Severus placed his quill down and leaned a bit back into his chair. It relaxed his features a bit, Hermione noticed.

"You know you can do this. She can't hurt you anymore. We've investigated those…threats, and we have some leads as to whom might be responsible, but Indra Karnstein won't ever touch you again. Tomorrow you will have your revenge."

Hermione lifted her head and looked straight into her former Professor's eyes. "This isn't about revenge. This was never about revenge…it's about justice; my parents and everyone else who was ever touched by Indra Karnstein because of Voldemort's influence on her. I'm not her only victim, and Merlin knows how many others she may have left in her wake. I've got scars and horrible memories, but I have my life, while others don't. I have to be their voice, don't I?"

Severus only looked at her in silence. How could someone so young have such an old soul? She was right, and he knew it. It was simply a matter of having justice achieved for Karnstein's victims. He wouldn't have taken the high road, and she was better than him in that aspect. He knew he would have wanted his revenge. Those thoughts brought him back to the night he discovered her. He swore to himself that he would punish those who were responsible, even if it meant tearing them limb to limb.

"Yes, that's the right thing to do." Severus replied after a few moments of silence.

"Will you come with me tomorrow? I know you're busy and all, but I feel safe when you're near me." Hermione said too quickly, almost retracting her last comment for fear he would call her an immature and stupid little girl.

Severus saw her wince, a tinge of regret in her expression at the words she confessed. A feeling he couldn't identify began to make itself known in his stomach. He was busy, and he knew it. There was a stack of papers left to grade on the therapeutic properties of witch hazel in potions, plus another group that were due tomorrow for his N.E.W.T. class, but he couldn't resist.

"If you want me to be there – I'll be there." He replied. When did she all of a sudden reach his desk? His eyes couldn't help but wander to her neck which held the sapphire necklace her mother gave her. Her scar was barely visible with the shirt she was wearing, but her sleeves didn't reach her wrists. He could see burn marks of where cigarettes were put out on her skin. He saw her breathe a smile of relief, her eyes a bit glassy, almost on the verge of tears. It was as if she were telling herself over and over again: _He will be there. He will be there. He will be there. He will be there. _

"I'll leave you to your work. I'm sorry to have disturbed you." Hermione said as she walked away.

Severus slowly approached the motionless body that lay on the stone slab. The dress, once white, was now stained red and yellow. She turned her head slowly, blood slowly flowing down her neck as she spoke, "I knew you wouldn't forget me."

He awoke with a start. Severus Snape was having too many dreams lately in which Hermione Granger was the star, and not in the way she was supposed to be. He threw himself down on his pillow and once again, felt the flutter in his stomach. In a matter of hours, he would be visiting Azkaban with some members of the Order. Draco offered to monitor his classes and pick up the essays that were due today, but he still couldn't put his finger on why he was so willing to bend to her accommodation.

Knowing he wouldn't be able to get much more sleep, he stepped out of bed, and figured it wouldn't hurt to go through a few more essays before the sun rose. Out of, what he didn't know what-so-ever, he made his way to her room to check on her. He placed his ear on her door, but didn't hear anything. He assumed that she was getting some much needed rest, and left her to it.

The halls of Azkaban were dark and left no one with a warm, fuzzy feeling. Hermione walked down the narrow hall towards what was considered an interrogation room which housed Indra Karnstein. Harry was there with her, along with Snape and Professor McGonnagal. Dumbledore was attending to Ministry business, and couldn't make it.

An auror by the name of Barnabas McGee was waiting for them at the door of the room. "Miss Hermione Granger I take it?" McGee said, extending his hand.

"Yes." Hermione responded.

"I'm going to perform an enchantment which will allow you to see the room, but Karnstein won't be able to see you. As far as she's concerned, she doesn't even know that you're here. The room has protective barriers to where she won't be able to escape if that would happen to concern you." McGee said with an air of cockiness in his last statement.

Hermione began to laugh a bit as soon as the enchantment was performed.

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"It's just like those shows on the tele."

Severus looked at her strangely, not knowing of what she was speaking, but soon focused his attention to the woman sitting in a chair in the room. She looked dirty, putrid, but she still had that enigmatic quality to her that she was famous for.

The four observed as a male auror was trying to get Karnstein to talk, but she didn't budge. She just continued to stare off into space, reminiscent of Luna Lovegood, not paying attention to anything. The auror was talking himself hoarse, but still, nothing from Karnstein.

"How long has he been in there?" Harry asked.

"Twenty-one hours I'm afraid. She hasn't said one word that one." McGee replied.

"You need a woman in there." Hermione said suddenly. "Is there a female auror here by chance?"

"Well, I think we can have one apparate here. What difference would it make?" McGee asked.

"She has no respect for men. She looks only at women as her equals. You put a female auror in there, and then she'll talk. She wants to talk." Hermione said in a bit of frenzy.

Severus looked down at her, applauding the fact that he would never have thought of that solution. He would have rather tortured the girl and have it be done with.

Moments later, McGee returned and out of nowhere apparated a red haired witch with shoulder length hair.

"Hello. I'm Emilia Wade. McGee told me that I was needed in questioning?" She said, greeting everyone standing in front of the door.

The male auror walked out of the room, clearly exhausted that his efforts failed. "Good luck with that one Emilia." The auror said as he stepped back to let her in the room. The auror walked down the hallway, muttering under his breath how no one was going to get a word out of 'that crazy loon in there.'"

As soon as the door opened up and Emilia walked in, Indra Karstein's eyes drifted upwards and then it seemed that she suddenly awoke.

"Hello" Indra said softly, with a slight smile.

"Hello yourself." Emilia retorted. "My colleague needed a bit of a break."

"You're colleague is an idiot." Indra replied. "That man couldn't question his way out of a wet paper bag if his life depended on it."

"A muggle insult; you're familiar with their terms I take it."

"Of course I am. You know my history Emilia."

Harry, a bit shocked, asked, "Did she ever tell Karnstein her name?"

"Harry, she's psychic, remember." Hermione answered as she focused in on their conversation.

"I like your hair." Indra stated. "You know, there is an old saying that women who possess red hair have the psychic gift."

"I'm afraid that I'm not that gifted Miss Karnstein." Emilia replied as she sat down across from Indra.

"Please do call me Indra. If only we had a more social atmosphere, I'd offer you a cup of tea."

"I'm not here to be your friend. To be quiet honest, I think you should rot in hell, but that wouldn't be the nicest thing for me to say now would it? You do know what is going to happen to you? The Dementor's are here, waiting for you."

"What? Am I supposed to feel bad?"

"Indra, the Ministry has been doing a lot of investigating into your time with Voldemort. We know your history. We know that your parents were killed in an accident, but you were told that muggles were responsible for it. Indra," Emilia said, looking into the brunette's eyes, "what if I were to tell you that Voldemort knew of your gift and was willing to do whatever he could to get his hands on you? He made it appear as if muggles were responsible, but he was really responsible for everything."

Hermione's mouth opened in shock, now knowing the full truth of things. It seemed that everyone had the exact reaction.

Indra's face appeared stoic, but still had an inch of warmth in it. Hermione looked at her and was reminded of the times she was warm, but overall, the woman was lost and cold.

"You think I didn't know this?" Indra replied, turning to face Emilia.

"I realized shortly after I came into Voldemort's…care…that he was indeed responsible for my parent's death."

"Well, why did you do all of this damage? Why didn't you seek revenge on him instead?" Emilia asked, shock in her voice.

"I was a…very…angry…girl. I still am that girl! They had to pay, each and every one of them. I never cared who my victims were. Voldemort was a great teacher. I suppose I spared his life because he taught me so much."

"You took the lives of innocent people. Nova Scotia. 3 years ago. That bus which skidded off the road! Oh, I know you remember Indra. 39 children were killed!" Emilia said, almost losing her cool.

"How come we never heard of this?" Hermione asked.

"It was believed to have been an accident. The bus driver lost control while driving the children to school, and drove over a patch of ice and the bus…" Minerva took in a breath before she continued. "The bus landed on a lake that was frozen, but the ice broke and the Ministry regretfully didn't look into it very much because muggle authorities apparently thought they had it figured out. The driver drowned, along with all of the children." McGonnagal said with a tinge of regret.

All the while, no word came from Severus Snape. He was too focused on Indra Karnstein.

"What can I say? Voldemort let me have a little bit of fun that day."

"Children, Indra! These were children who were your age when your own parents were taken from you!" Emilia stated, her confidence cooling off a bit.

It was then that Indra moved her face towards Emilia again, and spoke with such honesty and emotion. "They shouldn't have gotten on that bus then, should they?"

Hermione released a breath she didn't know she was holding in. She wanted to find some redeeming quality to Indra, but there wasn't anything to be found so far. Severus heard her, and wanted to calm her down somehow, but didn't know what to do.

"Emilia, with all due respect, I've got no soul. I'm not someone who can be saved and redeemed." Indra swooped closer to Emilia's face, a clear reminder to Hermione of her first encounter with Karnstein.

"Truth be told, I'm a vindictive murderous bitch. I have no regrets. I'm here only because I was stupid enough to get carried away and caught. I'll kill again if given the opportunity. Hell, that stupid dickwad you had in here before is lucky! I say bring those Dementor's on!"

Emilia pulled herself away from Indra and stood up. She stalked around the room for a few moments, trying to think of another way to break her. After a few seconds, she walked out of the room, and without uttering a word to anyone, walked down the long hallway.

Hermione could only stare into the window at Indra. Harry started after Emilia. Minerva began to start an indistinctive conversation with McGee who was just as shocked as everyone else. It was now only Hermione and Severus looking into the enchanted window.

Indra was staring off into blank space, until she noticed something in the wall. Hermione looked at her as she stood up and walked towards the bricks in the wall. It dawned on her that Indra's psychic ability was telling her that she was being watched.

Hermione noticed Indra walking straight towards her in the room. Severus noted her discomfort immediately, but was too intrigued with the fact that she was approaching their exact location.

Indra turned her neck slightly to the left, still staring directly at Hermione. "I see Mr. Derevko's etchings are still there." Then, she turned her focus to Severus. "Hello Mr. Snape." Indra wasn't finished with those words yet. She continued to observe Snape, and then turned her direction back to Hermione and whispered delicately, "I know something you don't know! He has thoughts of…" then Indra noticed Severus turning his head away, "HEY! LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

That attracted the attention of McGonnagal who walked back to the enchantment.

"Minerva, thanks for the bump on the head." Indra said, without looking at the new arrival to the observing group.

Indra then set her eyes back on Hermione. Her features softened a bit.

"Oh the damage I've done to you little girl." Indra spoke, her eyes watering up. She put her hands to her eyes, giving the appearance that she was wiping away tears, but as soon as her hands removed themselves, she started laughing.

Hermione reached for the closest thing in her proximity, and it happened to be Severus' hand. He, strangely, she noticed, did not shun it away. Her breathing became erratic and she felt as if she could pass out on the spot.

Indra continued with her laughing, and in one quick swoop, which she was famous for, kissed the wall/enchanted mirror and waved her fingers directly at Hermione.

Hermione turned her head, reaching Severus' shoulder, "I want to go - now!" She whispered.

Before they knew it, all four of them were walking out of Azkaban. They would later find out that Indra was indeed fearless in the very end, Dementor's approaching and all.

Harry was due back for a meeting pertaining to those in auror training, and couldn't stay much longer with Hermione. He apparated after giving Hermione a tight hug, and promised to visit her soon. Minerva apparated back to Hogwart's, but whispered something into Severus' ear before disappearing. A carriage soon pulled up for the remaining two.

"Where are we going?" Hermione questioned.

"We will take this carriage to Hogsmeade, and then we will apparate to London. There's something I believe you will want to see."

"Well what is it?"

"I don't know Miss Granger." Severus replied as they stepped into the carriage.

After arriving in Hogsmeade, they walked off to a quiet location and apparated to London. Hermione wasn't too familiar with the neighborhood, but there weren't too many people wandering around.

"Are we at the right location?" Hermione asked.

"I'm afraid that we're a few blocks away from where we are supposed to be. You don't mind walking do you?"

"Where are we going Professor? What is it?"

"Miss Granger, do you trust me?" Severus asked as he moved in closer to her face.

"Of course I do!" Hermione answered, staring back at the man who she reminded herself was her colleague.

"When we get to our location, you will understand." He said as he noted her shivering. He offered her his coat, leaving his cloak in the carriage in order to better fit into muggle society.

They soon reached a field that had wildflowers growing all over. It was quiet, but there were occasional chirping birds around. The wind grew a bit stronger, tossing tendrils about her face. A question upon her face was answered before she could pose it to her companion.

"You needed to know where your parents were."

Hermione looked around, and noticed fresh dirt surrounded by an abundance of flowers. She slowly walked towards the spot that called to her. There was nothing there, except for the wildflowers growing. She didn't know how such things could grow so soon, considering, but it wasn't of the utmost concern to her in that moment.

She knelt down in the location, not exactly knowing where to turn. Severus watched her as she stared into the ground. He felt bad, reminded of the time after he brought her to Madame Pomfrey and saw her naked. He felt as if he were invading her privacy all over again. He slowly made his way towards her. She was crying, shedding tears that she didn't shed at Azkaban.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She kept saying over and over again. "Dad…Mum."

She sensed Snape behind her, and instinctively reached for him, grabbing his hand as it rested on her shoulder. He let her sobs continue. He knew that she needed her time, and he let her have every single second of it.


	10. Loved Despite Of Great Faults

How to Disappear Completely

Chapter 10: Loved Despite of Great Faults

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: This chapter was named after "Loved Despite of Great Faults" by Blonde Redhead.

"_You refuse to fade away. I hide to stay the same. Where do we go from here – I don't know."_

The Christmas holidays came and went without much complication. Hermione was invited to spend the break at The Burrow, and accepted, even though there was a little bit of hesitation on her part. It was only upon her return that she expressed her reservations regarding the visit.

"It just felt weird being there. It didn't feel like those who died were forgotten, but, it didn't really feel right. Molly constantly ran around and kept herself busy, but you could tell that the fact that she didn't have to knit two more sweaters this year somehow killed her inside."

"I see that she's directed that creative energy towards you." Severus noted as he nodded his head at the sweater Hermione had on.

"Yes! It's very cozy." She stated, obviously thankful, with a smile on her face. "It's a size too big for me, but Molly says that I need to add on some pounds.

While the weight Hermione lost last summer never resurfaced on her body, Severus did agree internally that a few more pounds wouldn't hurt his apprentice. Some of the muscle tone she possessed before the war still wasn't making it self present, but Severus never did have the chance to admire it with her choice of clothes.

"Thanks again for the Potions journal you gave me for Christmas. I finished it in a matter of hours." Hermione stated with the same enthusiasm she had for her knitted sweater.

"You're welcome. I too am grateful for the log book you gave me." Severus said, a bit more stiffly than he would have wished.

Before she left for the break, the two unceremoniously exchanged gifts. It was an odd moment where the two automatically assumed that they wouldn't buy anything for each other. Severus saw the new, annual publication of Primeaux Potions and decided to initially purchase it for his own collection, but instead found himself wrapping it and giving it to Hermione.

He was a bit surprised to see that she too did have a gift for him. He wasn't expecting an empty, leather bound book, but after Hermione revealed that it could be used for keeping notes and formulas, the practicality of it won him over.

"It's just that I've seen your old worn out books, and I thought that it wouldn't hurt to have another one." After not receiving any sort of reaction, Hermione began to regret her purchase. "It can be exchanged you know if you really don't like it. I just thought that…"

"It's perfect." Severus interrupted Hermione, what could have potentially led up to a smile lingering on his face. Ever since he found and brought her back, her confidence and self-assuredness had gone missing. Everything had been taken from her in so many ways, and it had even reached into her know-it-all nature. It was like she questioned herself in every decision, however, when it came to teaching and helping him in the lab, she never wavered. Maybe she was afraid of disappointing him? Maybe she was afraid that she would ruin something?

He then remembered what she told him a while back in that she felt as if a disease were inside of her, and there was no way for her to be released of it. There were times where he wanted to tell her to just relax, but then again, it was never in his nature to coddle someone. Shaking himself from his thoughts, he heard her reflecting more about her trip.

"As much as I love Molly's cooking, it was a bit too much for me, but then again, I think her goal was for me to gain a few before I came back here. So, what did you do?" Hermione asked, looking into her mentor's black eyes. He never noticed that she moved to sit down.

"I enjoyed the quiet time."

"That's it?" Hermione seemed a bit perplexed.

"I've never been one for much company. You of all people should know that by now Miss Granger. Besides, some of the staff had a little get-together, so I wasn't completely in a splendid isolation." Severus said as he sat down in a chair, facing the fire place. Its flames, just as hypnotizing as her voice could sometimes be. (_Where did that thought_ _come from?_)

"But, forgive me for saying this, but one shouldn't be alone during this time of the year. I…..I would have stayed if you would have wanted me to." Hermione spoke, shock beating at her internally at what she was revealing to him.

Severus closed his eyes at her words, knowing that she couldn't directly see his facial features. Hermione softly stood up and quietly crept up behind his chair. He could see her hands, cold, in front of her, the soft blue veins standing out. He always thought such things were beautiful. His breathing relaxed as she continued towards him. Then, he felt it. Her arms snaked around his shoulders in a gentle embrace and she rested her head on his shoulder blades. He kept his eyes closed, feeling her hands meet each other in the middle of his upper chest. The only thing he could do was place his hands on top of hers. It was a matter of not having to think anymore, but instead, work on instinct. His heartbeat quickened a bit, and as he turned around to face her, he saw a yearning in her eyes that matched his own.

Then the fantasy was over; he opened his eyes and the only warmth he felt was coming from the fireplace. He looked over his shoulder and saw her sitting in the same spot she originally occupied, messing with a loose piece of wool that had strayed from her sweater. It was an uncomfortable silence in that he wanted to say so much, but didn't dare have the words leave him.

_I wanted you to stay._

_I wish to hold you sometimes, and that thought scares me._

_I wish to make your pain disappear._

_I wish to kiss your scars._

_I wish to make you mine. _

Sensing the slight tension, Hermione tried to end it.

"Prof…" she stopped herself before continuing. "Severus."

He stiffened a bit at her calling him out. Sensing her standing up, he could feel the nervousness present in her. He felt her approaching him, her heartbeat quickening with each second passing, but that could have been his. Then, she suddenly stopped.

_Say something_. Severus scolded himself.

"I'll head off to bed. Goodnight." Hermione tersely said before retreating.

She didn't say his name. She didn't even address him like she usually did. It was just a cut and run response. Trying to push the feeling of his heartbeat racing away, he wondered why anyone like her would want to be with someone like him.

Refusing to fall into a pit of self-pity, he soon followed Hermione's suit and went to bed. He wasn't tired, but just felt the need for something to do rather than fester with his thoughts.

The next few days were uneventful in that the two didn't see each other very much besides from occasionally passing by each other. He was honest in not needing her assistance with some of the classes, and in order to save face, he wasn't willing to have the dunderheads pick up on something.

There were days where it almost felt like she was trying to avoid him, but then again, when she would look at him, she wouldn't shy away from her glances. It wasn't to a point where others noticed the building tension, but it didn't feel right. As she was coming, he was going. Their timing was off, even in their research.

Severus also began to notice that she would no longer attempt to cover up her scars with clothing. She had managed to cast numerous concealment charms over them. The faintest traces could be seen, especially on her neck, but the paranoia that she possessed regarding them faded. The necklace with its shining sapphire was never away from her person. He wanted to mention it to her, but then again, their timing was always off.

It hit him full on during lunch one day when, after sitting next to Minerva at the Head Table. Never one to listen in on someone else's conversation, he kept to himself, but it was her laughter that pulled him into their bubble. It now was beginning to have something he hadn't heard in a long time – hope.

Minerva excused herself before greeting Severus. As she walked towards Professor Trelawney, the space between them seemed to thicken up again. Both facing each other at the same time, it was Hermione who broke the silence.

"Professor." She stated. "We've really been going through an in and out situation, haven't we?" Hermione added with a bit of a laugh for good measure.

"I have noticed it." Not knowing what else to say, the two just avoided the uncomfortable silence by focusing on the remains on their plates.

Hermione finished her meal. She knew that she would have another chance to talk with him later on in the afternoon when she was due to assist him.

"I'll see you this afternoon Professor." Hermione stated before quickly grabbing her stuff and leaving. Before giving him the chance to confirm it, she looked at him and gave him a smile that he had yet to see in her since before her violation. When she caught herself, she quickly walked away.

Four hours later Hermione made her way to the dungeons. Severus noted her presence in the lab, but didn't greet her. The two of them had an understanding in that manner. She would walk in, and get to work. It had become second nature to them.

"I was wondering, Miss Granger, if you could re-organize and stock up the potions storage room. It's been a bit of a mess with all of the brewing, or attempted brewing, the dunderheads have been doing lately."

"Sure." Hermione replied, knowing that with a few flicks of the wand, everything would be taken care of. She felt, somehow, that maybe he was trying to avoid working directly with her. A slight panic seemed to form at the thought that he didn't want to associate with her. Trying to seem nonchalant about it, she walked back into the lab and removed her robes.

"The stock list is right over there." Severus stated as he directed his vision towards a table as far away from him as possible. "You do realize that certain ingredients need to be handled with the utmost delicacy." Severus stated, his usual veneer gracing his face.

Just like you_ Miss Granger._ Severus thought to himself.

"Yes, of course." Hermione noted with a tinge of disdain in her voice.

The storage room could be claustrophobic to someone if enough time were spent there. The room would get a bit stuffy after a little while, so Hermione didn't regret losing the robes. She appreciated how her mentor had everything organized by alphabetical order. There were a few ingredients that couldn't be housed next to one another, but there were some that needed to be stored in a certain area of the room to where the temperature could be charmed twenty degrees colder.

She didn't realize how time consuming it could be to make sure that every single ingredient and crafted potion was accounted for. Checking off the list as she went along, she bent down to pick up an empty vial of what was marked as "Virgin Blood." There was a little bit of it dried to the bottom, but it was in need of a refilling. Hermione didn't notice Severus walk into the storage room.

"Miss Granger."

"Shit!" Hermione dropped the empty vial. Not bothering to turn around, she began to pick up the shards of glass on the floor, expecting to receive a verbal lashing from a man who hadn't exactly been so warm towards her for the past few days. "Considering how important these ingredients are, and just how _delicately _they need to be treated, it's not so smart to just walk on in here!" Hermione spit out, frustration in her tone.

When she finally turned around to look at him, he just stood there, looking at her. She felt as if she was under a microscope, and she didn't like it at all.

"You're out of virgin's blood." Hermione stated, regretting her previous statement.

"I'll see to it that it's taken care of then." Severus stated. He couldn't say anything to her. He couldn't even chastise her for dropping the vial. He could only look at her and hope that she wouldn't think that he was angry with her, even though his facial expression spoke the opposite.

"How do you go about that? I mean, how is an ingredient such as virgin's blood collected? Surely, you need the consent of someone who possess' it."

"Pomfrey usually takes it from first and second years when they are hospitalized. The ingredient isn't in demand so much as others in here, but I don't need to tell you just how powerful such an ingredient is." Severus spoke, lacing his words with a slight sensuality. "I am sure, for the most part, that the dunderheads aren't focused on their hormones as much as the older ones are."

"That's understandable." Hermione spoke as she cleaned up the mess with the swish of her wand. "It seemed that the last four years had nothing but hormones floating about. The last year was maddening. I guess it was the idea that one could die any day, so, why not have a go at it!"

"Surely Miss Granger you engaged in such activities." Severus stated, as he proceeded to look for the jar of vampire bat hearts, knowing that he was pushing the boundary. He remembered hearing a brief mention that she was a virgin before her assault, but the asshole in him wanted to push some information out of her.

"What?" She replied, shock in her features.

"Mr. Weasley?" He asked her, finding and grabbing the ingredient he was looking for.

"No!"

"Not even Potter!" Now, he was looking at her.

"No!" Hermione spoke, revulsion on her face. "They're like my brothers, and I was never that desperate!"

"Well, then who was it?" Severus asked, knowing that it was really none of his business. Krum? Some muggle she may have met back home. "Please, anyone but Longbottom!" Severus could imagine her slapping his face right about now, but she looked down at the floor.

"Mr. Yorke took that honor."

He immediately regretted pushing her.

"I ask that you forgive me for my previous statement." Severus stiffened immediately, but Hermione didn't seem to be insulted.

"I hate how everyone has treated me like I'm some delicate thing that can only be handled a certain way. I wouldn't wish what happened to me on anyone, but I can't let those incidents dictate my life. I won't say that I've completely moved on, but…I've accepted it, and I'm not some just some muggle whose parents were slaughtered. I'm not just a rape victim. I'm so much more, and so much better that that! I'm Hermione Granger – the insufferable know-it-all who I know got her apprenticeship because of a meddling old headmaster." The last sentence was laced with a bit of humor in it.

Severus didn't notice Hermione inching closer and closer to him as she gave him her personal creed. He also didn't notice that she placed the stock list down. He also didn't notice the sudden increase in his heartbeat. He could only look at her slowly approaching form.

"I never thanked you for bringing me to visit my parents." Hermione whispered. "I also never thanked you for coming with me to face Indra Karnstein."

"There was no need for it…you can rest assured Miss Granger." Severus replied, hoping that by him user her surname, she would realize what was happening and retreat because he couldn't bear to do it.

"Why have we been so distant lately?" She continued, not noticing how uncomfortable she was making him.

He didn't have a chance to reply before he noticed her hands coming up to rest on his cheeks and softly work their way to the sides of his head; the tips running through his hair. All the while, staring into his eyes, and Merlin's beard, he couldn't avoid her brown orbs. It was as if she was afraid to touch him, but she didn't pull away. Their eyes must have been locked on each other for at least twenty seconds. He counted because he didn't know what else to do in that moment. Frozen, but nevertheless, excited by an anticipation he hadn't felt in ages, he was showing her the vulnerability he possessed.

Before Severus knew it, she brought her lips to his. At first, he resisted, his black eyes still open, but he gave into her impulse, eyes now closed, and grabbed onto her with a desperation he never expected to show. Her hands weaved their way even more into his hair as the two gave into what they both somehow knew was eventually going to happen.

Five seconds became ten. He placed his hands over hers, and while he intended to pull them away, he felt the delicate lines that were her veins. Ten seconds became twenty. His thumbs traced their way to her wrists, and it was when he felt the small ridges of what were her concealed cigarette burn scars, he suddenly pulled away.

Hermione looked at him, glazed eyes filled with something entirely different from anything he had ever seen. It wasn't lust or infatuation, and he wouldn't label it as one of love. Her perfect mouth was slightly open, taking in and releasing breaths she couldn't take because of their kissing.

"Merlin." She whispered.

"I…I'm sorry Miss Granger." Severus said before he rushed out of the storage room.

Hermione, still in a bit of a daze, didn't notice his absence. It was only when she said his name out loud and saw that no was there to hear her did her fear confirm itself.

"Severus?" she repeated. There was so much she wanted to say, and now felt the courage taking her over. It was as if she finally realized that every glance, slight touch, and moment spent with him had now finally exploded inside of her.

She recalled the time Ginny revealed that he was the one that found her and brought her back to Hogwarts. Suddenly, she remembered the way she held onto him, burying her face into his clothing, hoping the blackness of it all would wash away the images she had suffered through moments earlier.

Running back into the lab with a feverish excitement, she reached a sudden halt with what she saw. It was too late – he was gone.


	11. You Could Be Love

How To Disappear Completely

Chapter 11 – You Could Be Love

There was a silence in Severus Snape's classroom as Hermione continued to search for him. It was when she noticed that the entry way to his room was wide open did the dread hit her. Did she repulse him so? Worry creased her as she let her mind wander back to the kiss. His lips weren't forceful, but were perfect in their discovery. He did kiss her back…he did. But it was the fact that he pulled away from her that filled her with a cold dread that maybe she had been reading him wrong all of this time. Maybe all of those months of working together and all of those conversations were indeed meaningless.

"No…no." Hermione whispered to herself. She knew better than to go down such a route. He did want her, just as she did him. Hermione finished up her work in the storage room, knowing that Severus would return any minute now. While completing the task at hand, she ran through the various things she would tell him, but he never returned. Even after she finished organizing everything and checking the ingredients three times, she gave up.

It was time for dinner and surely she would see him then, but she didn't. If one were to look close enough, one would notice that Hermione was close to tears. Her appetite was squelched when she realized that he wasn't going to show up.

Some tried to hold a conversation with her, but her half-hearted replies helped such trivial sentences end as quickly as they originally began. The one person she wanted to talk to wasn't there. Her stomach began to swell with worry – endless thoughts questioning her actions and words.

_Of course he wouldn't want to kiss you. You have been invading his space for months. You are nothing more than a nuisance to him. You were his student less than twelve months ago, a thorn in his side, and now you desire him? As soon as he touched your scars he pulled away. Besides, why would anyone ever want you? You are nothing but damaged goods. Barren. Empty. Barren. Empty. Barren. Empty…_

Hermione quickly left the table, not bothering to pick up after herself. She felt as if she were having a panic attack; her breaths were shorter, a slight sweat formed on her forehead. She rushed out of the dining hall seconds later, not knowing where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do. She contemplated going to the library, but knew that no matter where she went, she would be looking for him. She needed something, a distraction, but knew that any such effort would be useless.

"Where are you?" Hermione asked herself as she let her feet take control. She walked around the school, not knowing if she would find what she was indeed looking for. Making her way up to the Astronomy Tower, her footsteps took her to the last place she had yet to visit in her aimless walk. And it was there that she found him.

His back was to her; his robes being pushed around by a slight wind. She knew that he knew that she was now with him. The stars were out and the night was quiet. Not wanting to break the spell, but knowing that it would have to be done, Hermione blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Am I that repulsive to you?" Hermione asked, immediately regretting her question.

He didn't answer her question. He just stood there, silent. The silence was what scared her the most. It was the same silence that she experienced at the residence of Indra Karnstein. The knowledge that she didn't know what was to happen next returned.

"I'm sorry if my actions have offended you, but I'm not sorry that I did it. You…you have helped me so much these past few months and I can't thank you enough. I just beg you to please not push me away. Don't run away from me. Don't run away from what it is we have."

"And what exactly is it that we have Miss Granger?" Severus replied, coldness in his voice.

Hermione crept up to him, but didn't get too close. She wanted to touch him, but was afraid that he would only walk away as he did earlier that day.

"I…I don't know. I just know that I can't do this alone."

"Surely Potter would be more than willing to aide you in that quest." He didn't know why he said those words. He didn't know why he tried to push away and deny himself a woman he greatly desired, especially if those feelings were reciprocated on her part.

"I can't be someone you attach yourself to because I found you and brought you back here. You only feel these things because we are practically roommates. If Malfoy would be in my situation your affections would be swayed towards him, no? You only think you want me, and it's best that we just let it be. You only think you want some sort of romantic relationship with me. It's a phase Miss Granger."

Not wanting to be angry, but falling to such feelings easily, she replied, "You know, I'm sick and tired of people thinking they automatically know what is best for me. I'm an adult the last time I checked! You don't mean those words that you speak. You can't even turn around and say them to my face! You can fight a war and win it, but you can't allow yourself to be happy and loved."

Hermione slowly inched closer to Severus. His back still to her, she reached out to touch him, but refrained from such an action. Deciding, after a few moments of worry, she rested her head against his back. She was close to his shoulder blades, and while she was tempted to wrap her arms around his torso, she wasn't that brave.

Severus didn't know what to do when he felt her against him. He wanted to grab her and never let go, but he still, even now, couldn't face her. When she gently grabbed his arms, he felt that her embrace would shatter him into a million pieces, but still, he didn't move.

"I'm here Severus!" Hermione whispered as she willed her tears away. "I'm here."

"Hermione, you think I don't desire you, but I do, and those feelings frighten me. I want to touch you. I want to kiss your nightmares away. I want you in the throes of passion and I sometimes imagine what you would look like beneath me. I want to show you what lovemaking is really like. You've got me under a spell that I never wanted to be under, but I don't want to pull away from it. You could NEVER repulse me Hermione." He said, never turning to face her.

"Then why so cold?" Hermione replied.

"It's in my nature. I can't change who I am and what I've become."

It was then that Hermione dared face him. "But I see you Severus…the REAL you." She said as she gently grabbed his face. "I'm not asking you to change; I don't expect you to change. I just want you to let me in. You are the man who didn't forget about me."

And with those words, he closed his eyes and shuddered at the image of her when he first discovered the girl in the blood stained dress. He didn't mean to be so harsh when he backed away from her and turned to his original position when she found him.

"You deserve to be happy…we deserve this chance. If you want me, I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever Severus." He heard her retreat from him, still, never turning to look at her. The breeze continued its assault, and while it left him with a chill, her words as she walked away left him even colder.

"Please don't push me away."

He could hear the tears in her voice. How could someone make him feel so naked when he was fully clothed? His vulnerabilities were there for her to pick and prod, but he knew that they both were reluctant to reveal such things to others.

Severus stayed rooted to the spot for another half hour.

By the time Hermione made her way back to her room, she was too exhausted to scold the snogging Hufflepuffs she saw in the hall. She just wanted to go to bed and forget about her failed attempt at reaching Severus. The afternoon was perfect. She felt his wanting and desire, and now that she had some confirmation of his feelings, she felt even more confused. There was a slight blush of her cheeks when she thought back to his words of love making, but she knew that she could only do so much. If he couldn't meet her there, then there was truly nothing she could do. It worried her; his stubbornness was a quality to be admired at times, but now, that trait would determine her relationship with him.

Trying not to focus too much on it all, she charmed the music box to play a random song or two to lull her into sleep. Within ten minutes she was asleep.

Severus made his way back into his rooms and noticed that Hermione wasn't waiting up for him. In his mind, as he walked into the entrance, he imagined her there waiting for him. However, the fireplace was on, but she was nowhere to be found. Her words tore at him and while he would never admit out loud that everything she claimed was true, he knew that she was right.

He found himself walking to her room under the misguided belief that he was checking up on her. Opening her door he found her asleep. He knew he should have left well enough alone and just left her in peace, but he ended up walking towards her bed. He watched her sleep, a peaceful look finally after months of nightmares.

Slow in his approach, Severus made his way to her bed and an uncontrollable pull made him lie down next to her on the bed. As he placed his head on one of her pillows, he watched her, taking the chance that she might not be so keen on him taking such an initiative considering their conversation a while ago. She was lying on her side, facing him. Her arm slightly touched the pillow he was using, her somewhat concealed scars standing out, even in a room slightly illuminated by the moonlight. He just wanted to watch her for a few minutes. Nothing more. Nothing less. He thought back to her words of being willing to wait for him, but that wait would be a limited one. Severus grabbed onto her hand and watched her, knowing that the burning inside of him wasn't going to disappear any time soon.

"Hermione." Severus softly whispered.

She moaned in response to a word she thought she was dreaming.

Enthralled by her, Severus offered her four more words before closing his eyes and giving into sleep, his hand still holding hers.

"You could be love."

AN: Thanks to everyone for the reviews. I do appreciate the feedback, even if it is only a few words. Please do keep them coming!


	12. The Lure Would Prove Too Much

How To Disappear Completely

Chapter 12: "The Lure Would Prove Too Much"

Sorry for taking so long to update. I've been very busy with school and work, so please do forgive me. This chapter was inspired by the Greg Dulli which shares the same name. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. It inspires me to keep going.

i"I think I'm taking you home, so I can be broken in two…just like you./i

Hermione shifted slightly, her eyes still closed, when she felt something grasped onto her hand. Panic rose quickly and her breaths became shorter. She was afraid to open her eyes, but as if sensing her panic, her hand was gently squeezed.

"It's alright sweet girl." She heard him whisper. Severus felt odd in her presence, uncomfortable almost, but he just remained next to her. Still sleeping, she leaned into him to a point where he wrapped his arm around her. He could smell her perfume, a soft, mature floral that melded somehow with her skin. She melted into him as if he were her home, and while the idea of it all scared him senseless, he wanted to be by her side. He wanted to help her heal. For the first time, he wanted everything that was pure, good, and selfless. All it took was her acceptance of him. He closed his eyes and gave into sleep knowing that finally, he was going to be happy.

Hermione woke with a start, somewhat shocked with the fact that she was using someone's chest as a pillow. Realization soon dawned on her that it was her mentor. She rested her head on him again and listened as he took each breath. The last time someone that close to her breathed upon her it was during her assault. It was a comfort she never felt before, the sound of breathing in a way that wasn't harsh or demented. There was an ebb and flow to it and she counted it with each rise and fall of his chest. She tried to fall back asleep, but couldn't, enchanted with the thought that he was finally here…where he belonged.

"How long can we stay like this?" Hermione asked.

"Unfortunately, I have a class to prepare for." Severus replied as he absent-mindedly ran his hand down her back.

"I wish to make this last forever."

"That would be boring after a while, don't you think?"

"No." Hermione quickly stated as she picked up her head and looked at him. "I could do this all day." Hermione rolled over to her side of the bed and faced him again.

"Where do we go from here?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know." Severus quickly replied in a tone soft tone Hermione never thought he could possess, pure honesty in his voice. For the first time he didn't know the answer and while the thought would normally panic him, he knew that the two of them only had the choice of taking it day by day. He wouldn't make her any promises. He would just let the natural course of things set the tone.

She simply smiled at him. Severus would never take credit for being the one who brought her back to life. She was the one who did it all herself.

The two remained silent for a while, just observing each other second by second. Hermione hating forcing a conversation, and Severus relished the quietness. While he knew that her inquisitive nature would return in full force, he knew that the know-it-all in her didn't show up again ever since her return. Her return. It had been months, and while she was only gone for days, he was sure that to her every day was a year. There was still the shadow of death in those eyes, but the life in them fought hard to keep such dark times at bay. It was those same shadows of life that drew him closer and closer and closer to her until he kissed her.

Hermione had initiated the contact yesterday, now it was his turn. Once again, the two became lost in each other. He felt her acquiesce to him, her hands pulling his face ever closer. Was it possible for two people to get any closer? And while Severus knew he was treading on dangerous ground with each passing moment, he just couldn't pull away from her. The soft groans of her approval egged him on. His growing arousal never touched her, but still, he knew that they should stop.

His hand cupped her cheek and slowly glided down to her neck as he continued to kiss her. He could feel the chain of her necklace, still never removed from her person ever since he put it back on her. It was only when one of his fingers glided across the concealed scar on her neck did she turn her face to the side and softly speak,

"No."

Suddenly self-conscious about the line that would forever have such horrible memories tied to it, she began to retreat inside of herself. Severus looked at her looking away from him, staring into empty space.

Severus knew that honesty would get him everywhere in that moment.

"Hermione."

She turned to look at him, on the verge of tears. He stared into her eyes, hoping that he wouldn't ruin what the two of them were just starting, but if he could gain her piece by piece then he would be patient and wait. No promises, he thought. Piece by piece.

"Remove the charm." Severus softly commanded, a tone of understanding in his voice, never used before with her. She didn't remove it, but the look in her eyes was his permission slip. And then it was gone.

He was the first to see the real damage that was done when a death eater dragged the blade of a knife across the throat of Hermione Granger. The image came into his head as if she transferred it to him mentally. He could feel the terror in heat of her pulse, or was that her desire? He wasn't sick enough to consider it an honor to see it, but after months of covering it up with charms and clothes, he stared at the line with intense interest.

She dared not look at him as he explored the main reminder of her time with Indra Karnstein and her death eaters. Hermione felt as if she were one of his specimens or ingredients being researched and while anger began to brew in her, it all dissipated when she felt him softly trace his finger along the line. Her breath hitched as his finger stopped.

"Look at me." He spoke, his finger still on her scar. He continued to trace his finger when she turned her head and gave in to his request.

"With every scar there is a story, some of them are good and some of them are bad. Some we take pride in, and others we are ashamed of. You have nothing to be ashamed of. This line here," he said as he went back and forth tracing it, in a spell almost as he focused his attention on it. Hermione watched his awe of the line across her neck as he continued speaking to her.

"This line here is not who you are. I wish I could have killed the man that did this to you. I knew I would have done it the moment I found you in that room. I would have slowly tortured and killed every one who laid a finger on you. You would want justice, but I would have done it for revenge. I would have wanted their blood on my hands. I would have been expelled from this world just to do it. I would have made Voldemort look like an angel."

"Severus," Hermione started before he placed his lips on hers in a silent kiss.

"I can't promise you anything Hermione. I'm not as good a man as I would like to be. I don't know what I can offer." He said as his lips replaced his finger on her scar.

She found it hard to think as his lips covered every single inch of her scar. And when he finished trailing the line, he did it all over again. Hermione always knew that the man before her had such a rich passion, but she never felt it sway to her direction in this sense. It was always in anger when she was his student, but now, she felt him come to her in a new light. That angry passion was still there, but still, his devotions were only to her. It was all for her.

"Just be there " was all she could say. She could of swore she felt a tear land on her neck, but she was too wrapped up in the moment to ask.

"Just be there." He then desperately clung to her as he rested his head in the crook of her neck. She softly ran her hands up and down his back and kissed his head as she felt the breaths of two people merge into one. She felt as if they were slowly, but surely, molding themselves to one another, knowing that one day their two puzzles pieces would fit. It would take time, but she knew that he was more than willing to wait.

Severus heard her words and felt her hands, reminders that he too was a survivor. He knew that he was falling for her, and for the first time, he was content to just let things be. His tears slid slowly down his cheeks and while he was expecting her to inquire about them, he was ever the more happy that she never did. He held onto her as if she were the precious cargo on a life raft that was slowly sinking into an abyss he hadn't allowed himself to feel in years. Yes, they would be together, and for the first time in a long time, it was a future that he was confident about.

The weeks had progressed into months. Their time at Hogwarts was spent researching and teaching. While Severus and Hemione grew closer with each passing day, the two never crossed the fine line of letting the world know of their relationship. However, it was an unspoken knowledge at Hogwart's among the faculty. Dumbledore's eyes would have that extra twinkle when he would see them at the dinner table. McGonnagall's lips would purse with excitement when she would talk to Hermione about the apprenticeship. Draco and Ginny were the worse though.

"So, how are things heating up with you and Professor Snape?" Ginny asked.

There was an order meeting at Grimmauld Place, and Hermione was allowed to leave Hogwart's under the direct protection of Severus.

"What makes you think there is anything going on?" Hermoine asked, a blush creeping to her face.

"A blind bat could see it. There aren't any heavy rumors, but it's nice to see you happy."

"How many people do you think suspect it?"

"A few. Mum thinks it's rather endearing."

"YOUR MUM KNOWS!"

"Well, she saw when the two of you entered. According to her, 'Severus Snape never places his hand on the small of anyone's back!'" Ginny stated, trying her best to impersonate her mother. Hermione smiled to herself knowing that it was something he did just to let her know that he was there. If she made it to lunch before he did, he would lightly graze her shoulder or upper back before sitting down next to her. It was the same when she was in the lab. Sometimes if she went to bed before he did, he would do the same to her face. It was his way of saying goodnight.

The two laughed before Ginny continued. "She wants you to be happy Hermione. We all do. She's known Professor Snape longer than us, so I think it's safe to say that we can trust her opinion."

"We haven't done anything you know." Hermoine continued. "I mean, we've tried, but it's never gotten much further."

"There's nothing wrong with that. Draco and I are waiting until after I graduate. It's difficult, but it's going to be worth it."

"Does your mom know?"

"Of course! She believes that we should wait until my schooling is over. She says that it's a Daily Prophet cover story waiting to happen, so we have to keep things really quiet. Dumbledore is letting me take DADA through some correspondence course, so that makes things a bit easier. I suppose that's the good thing about you not getting out of Hogwart's so much. The public doesn't see you, so they can't write about you."

"That's a lovely way to put it Ginny." Hermione proclaimed, a smile on her face.

"Well, look at this way. You've got good company with you."

Hermione enjoyed their usual routine of things. It relied on timing and order, which she always adored. The two had been sharing a bed, and while they slept next to each other, there was never any pressure for the two of them to take it a step up. However, there were heated moments where she felt his desire brush against her, and while she knew that he was genuine in his lust for her, she thought of the scars and let them kill her confidence. She still concealed her scars, even from him, even though she knew he didn't find them repulsive.

What worried her though were the occasional flashbacks she would have. There was one night where she wanted Severus desperately. Their hands were sliding into new areas, undiscovered with each other, his arousal pressing into her, their lips possessing each other, and it when she opened her eyes and saw Mr. Yorke snogging her, she quickly pushed Severus away with a force that almost threw him off her bed.

By the look on her face, Severus could tell she briefly relived a moment during her violation.

"I'm sorry." Hermione stated, on the verge of tears.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Severus added, taking her into his arms.

"Is it always going to be like this?" She asked to no one in particular.

"Like what?"

"I'm going to push you away from me when we start to, you know."

"I certainly hope not." Severus replied with a touch of humor in his voice. "You're not ready, and that is that."

"Why do you stay with me?" Hermione said, tears now flowing down her cheeks. "I'm sure you could find a partner who wouldn't freak out when a man tries to touch her breast. You don't have to put up with me is what I'm saying."

"Don't be so daft Hermione. I'm not exactly heartthrob of the year you know, and I don't care. You wanted me to be here for you, and I am." He grabbed her face, softly wiping the tears away with his thumbs, "I…I've had…I dreamed of you when you were gone. I knew what room to find you in because you told me. These tears I wipe away were tears of blood, and your dress…I saw that dress."

With the realization of what he was saying, Severus let her go and turned away from her.

"Dumbledore has always been a meddling old fool, but he knows when things are happening. Albus wanted me to find you and bring you back. He wanted me to offer you the apprenticeship."

"Are you saying that Albus Dumbledore deliberately pushed us together?"

"Do you regret it?"

"No. Never. I'm so thankful. I've always admired you and what you sacrificed for us all. I am thankful for the apprenticeship, but even more thankful that I have you with me." She moved directly behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, just the way she did months ago on the astronomy tower.

Severus wanted to tell her that he had indeed fallen for her, but he was too afraid to tell her. Admitting it out loud would be too much for him to bear, even if she did reciprocate every last one of his feelings. With that word came so many other expectations and requirements that he wasn't quiet ready to live up to just yet. Or better yet, he was ready to live up to them; he just didn't want her to feel any pressure. He would marry her tomorrow if she would have him, but he enjoyed their slow pace.

"Let's just go to bed. Tomorrow will be a new day." He smiled as he felt her kiss his cheek. He joined her in bed and while his desire for her was still there, he knew that she was worth the wait. Even if it killed him; she was worth the wait.


	13. Running Up That Hill

How To Disappear Completely

Chapter 13: Running Up That Hill

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: This chapter was inspired by Placebo's cover of Kate Bush's "Running Up That Hill." It's a beautiful song, but Placebo's version has, in my opinion, more power. (I also have a lyric from the song used in the dialogue.) I also was inspired by the movie _Bright Star, _and the last part of this chapter is a testament to a wonderful scene in the film. I don't want to say this chapter is chock full of lemons, but there is a little something.

I greatly appreciate any feedback. It's nice knowing that many of you are connecting to the story.

"_It's you and me" _

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" Hermione screamed. She tried to lace as much hatred in her voice as she could, but he only heard its soft cadence.

"I know, but it must be done." He replied. "Potter will be part of the group that Dumbledore has established. We've fought those who worked with Karnstein before, and now is our opportunity to catch the ones that are still out there. This is our chance to end it once and for all." Severus stated as he began to prepare for what he hoped was a brief mission. Walking around his private quarters, he didn't know how to make the news any easier for Hermione. When he looked at her, she was still rooted in the spot.

After months of fruitless searches and people moving on with their lives, one of Indra Karnstein's followers decided to strike up a deal with the Ministry in order to avoid the kiss of the dementor. It didn't take long for the Ministry to seize the opportunity; for months the Daily Prophet ran stories focusing on the whereabouts on those that escaped. Hefty rewards were offered, and while some leads were legitimate and useful, some people wanted the attention that came with possibly living next door to one of Voldemort and Karnstein's followers. And it was the simple mistake of not covering his tracks that got Jonas Cumberland into trouble.

Cumberland provided names and the locations of the remaining Death Eaters in exchange for a somewhat lighter punishment at Azkaban. He would spend the remainder of his life there, but knowing that the dementors would not be visiting his cell was a bargain he was willing to strike.

"How do you know it isn't a set up?" Hermione asked.

"We won't know until we get there." Severus replied, grabbing a few potions ingredients in order to brew a few extra vials of what might be needed if one were to be injured. "I can assure you that we will be careful Hermione. I know all of this worries you. This isn't my first time fighting, and I can only hope that it will be the last time." He said as he approached her.

"Haven't you…haven't I given them enough! It's OUR TURN to be happy! They don't need you! I'm so tired of this rollercoaster. It's like when we reach a point of being so in order, something else comes along to take it from us! Can't they just leave us out of it?"

Hermione walked into the arms of her former professor and now companion. He knew that all he could do was wrap his arms around her. That was the only comfort he could provide at that moment.

"I know I may be immature about it Severus, but if you don't come back, I don't think I can go on." She quickly whispered, "I don't think I'd want to go on."

He quickly, but softly grasped her face in his hands and he kissed her lips with a rushed passion. Her tears were now revealing themselves as his forehead touched hers. Trying to soothe her worries, he began to run his hands over the back of her head.

"I will come back to you…my love…my Hermione."

The tears were in full force now as she tried to hold in her sobs.

"You and me - we won't be unhappy." He whispered to her with a strict tone that reminded her of the days when he was her scolding professor. Clinging to her, trying to find a way for those words to sink under and within her, he spoke, "I will come back."

She pulled herself away from him and took in a few breaths before she removed the necklace her mother gave to her, the sapphire still shining, as if it never witnessed any heartache or despair.

Hermione clasped it around his neck, but he was quick to place his hands over hers.

"No. No, I can't take this." He whispered with as much sternness as possible, but his emotions began to take over.

"Yes you can, and you will."

"But it's the last thing your mother gave to you. It's too precious." He hoped the gravity of those words would make her understand.

"It's on a man who will make sure it is returned to its proper owner." Hermione spoke, trying to have as much confidence in her voice in regards to their current situation.

He wouldn't let her continue before he crushed his lips to hers, holding her as if he would die if he would let go. They slowly made their way to his bed, their falling on it unnoticed as they continued in their feverish kissing.

The only thoughts that rained down in her head were those of despair. _What if he doesn't return? What if he is killed? _She knew better than to fall into that trap of belief, knowing that he had experienced his fair share of war and lived to tell such tales. But still, not every battle is won. That thought emboldened her as she deepened the kiss. Her hands began roaming down his back and then made their way to the front where she began to unbutton his shirt.

"Hermione." Severus whispered as he pulled her hands away.

"What?"

"I don't think now is the appropriate time for this, as much as I long to. I can't." He wanted nothing more than to sheathe his self into her warmth, but there was the possibility that he might not return. Severus Snape was afraid. He was very afraid. He had to downplay it for her sake, and maybe for his own. If her last memory of him was of their making love, he knew she would lose the will to live he didn't return. He didn't want to curse her to an existence that was possible. At least, that's what he wanted to believe.

Sighing in frustration, but bringing her hand to cup his cheek, she knew that it was an argument she wouldn't be able to win.

"Ever the noble gentleman." Hermione stated as she brought her fingers to the chain of her necklace that he now wore. She could feel his erection pressed into her and knew that while he spoke one thing, physically, she received a different message.

"You think too highly of me. If you were to see what I have to do out there, then your opinion might be swayed. I have killed many, and I'm afraid I will have do kill more." It was hard to speak of his new task when he could feel the rise and fall of her breasts. He wanted nothing more than to have her, and she was more than willing to do so in this very moment. His attention focused on the swell of her breasts through her navy blue jumper. Severus knew he was doomed. They didn't have to completely consummate their relationship…

Before he realized what he was doing, he placed a hand on her breast, giving the both of them an idea of how it felt. She looked at him in utter fascination as he continued to speak,

"I will look forward to coming back to you and seeing you in this bed with your bovine eyes staring at me." Before he realized what he was doing, he began to pull up her jumper, and in a matter of seconds it was no longer on Hermione. "I look forward to removing your clothes." She was wearing a simple, yet elegant black bra. He could see the rise and fall of her chest, and in complete fascination, he traced his hands over her whatever inch of skin that was available to him. "I look forward to doing this to you every opportunity that you may graciously grant me." Her scars were still concealed, but there would be another time to focus on that small factor.

"I look forward to kissing you…here" Severus said as he kissed her collarbone. "Here." He continued as he kissed the fabric of her bra, still covering her breast. "And we must be fair to the other now." He said as he kissed the other one. He moved his lips further down, softly kissing her stomach, noticing all the while how her breathing became more erratic and how flushed she was becoming. He could sense the quickening of her pulse, and noticed that if looked as if it took every ounce of her self-control not to touch him, but she eventually gave in and her hands made their way to his hair.

"Severus…please don't stop." It was all she could say as she felt sensations that she never thought she would feel.

Her words were a caution to him, and while he didn't intend to fully take her, he did want to give her a taste of what would eventually come for the both of them if he did survive. He could wait for her, and he would.

Her skin was so responsive to his touch. He felt the goosebumps form under his fingers, but he was simply under the spell of her. Her eyes were closed - a look on her face that begged him not to stop was present. He continued to kiss her, making his way back up to her breasts, placing his ear over her heart, feeling the vibration of the life that he was beginning to feel gave him life.

Severus kissed her lips, dragging one of his hands down to unbutton her jeans. There was no look of fear in her eyes, no apprehension, only the look of desire.

"I won't make love to you Hermione."

"Then what are you doing?" Hermione said, noticing his hands now pulling down her jeans. "You say one thing but do another."

"I want to touch you is all." He replied as he shifted beside her, his hand gliding up and down her leg.

Emboldened, she wanted to touch his desire, but before she could reach him, he gently grabbed her hand and placed it on his cheek. He knew he would never tire of such an endearment coming from her. "But what about you?" Hermione stated.

"What about me?" Severus stated, still dragging his hand up and down her leg.

"I want to touch you."

"No." Severus was quick to reply. "This moment is about only one thing – me pleasuring you."

"Don't you want me to touch you?"

"Of course. I want it so badly, but such a thing will have to wait."

"Why?" Hermione asked, confusion making itself known on her face, the expression still present as he moved in to kiss her.

"I don't want you to think about me. This is about you my sweet girl. I just want you to trust me and feel." Severus stated as he glided his fingers over her core. He heard the hitch of her breath and noticed her eyes close tightly at the thought of such contact.

"Open your eyes." Severus stated as he gently slipped a finger inside of her. Once feeling him inside of her, she opened her eyes and focused her attention on him. "I want you to focus on us, and this moment, and this feeling."

She was so responsive, so eager to do exactly as he wished. A part of him worried that if her eyes were closed, she see Yorke or any other violator. He could feel her moisture coating his fingers and while his first instinct was to plunge at her relentlessly, her eyes entranced him into going at a slower pace in his exploration of her. He wanted to erase her memories of the men who violated her. He only wanted her memories to be of his pleasuring her. An impossible task, but one he knew he would spend the rest of his life trying to accomplish.

"Just breathe." He told her. Her hips were starting to move slightly, and he took that as a good sign. "Yes…"

"I feel you." Hermione whispered as she arched her neck back.

"Yes…my sweet girl." Severus whispered back.

"I…I…oh…there's a tension. I want you…"

"Yes." Severus continued.

His voice was soft, gentle, unlike the roughness of her violators. She knew that he wanted her to focus on him because all it would take was one flashback for the moment to vanish. He kept his eyes on her, noticing how she would bite her lower lip to suppress the pleasure she wanted to vocalize.

Noticing this, Severus spoke, "Don't be afraid of what I want to make you feel. This is just you and I. You are safe." Releasing her lip, the softest moans of approval made him increase the pressure of her exploration. He swallowed her moans when he kissed her, his fingers still exploring her quim. He slowly picked up the pace of his fingers as he began kissing various areas on her torso.

"Make me come." She whispered.

Hermione felt herself drowning in the sensations Severus was providing. Surprised at the words leaving her mouth, she didn't care. Running her hands through his hair, she didn't notice him going lower and lower and lower. When she felt his tongue on her, her immediate reaction was to jump, but his hands guided her hips down gently. One of her hands found his and clasped it.

He could hear whispered moans, her breath hitching as she felt, for the first time, what sex could be. She gave in to him, trying to keep as still as possible, yet grabbed onto him, desperate for him to continue and stop all at once.

When her release came, she tried to repress her moans, but the words of Severus pulled her back.

"I want to hear you. Don't hold back."

She sounded just the way he always imagined she would.

It took a few moments for her heartbeat to come down to normal. By this time, Severus had stretched out right beside her. She felt his fingers brushing her hair, while his other hand softly drew circles on her exposed skin.

"I still feel you." Hermione whispered, noting the erection she felt pressed into the side of her thigh. Before he could protest, she placed her hand on the bulge and before attempting anything else; she waited for him to deny her. He didn't.

His eyes were closed and his breathing was beginning to get erratic. As she watched him continue to struggle with his own breath, she turned to her side and unzipped his trousers. Still waiting for him to tell her that what they were doing wasn't wise, she continued, each touch growing more and more daring.

Severus knew he should tell her to stop, but she was determined to have them both be on the same page.

"Severus…" It was then that he realized that she had no experience with such an act. He held her hand in his and showed her how he liked to be touched. As he guided her, she took the look on his face as a sign that she was doing things correctly; it was a tension that came only from pleasure. He didn't have to tell her to increase the movement; his face and the incoherent words were doing it for her.

She was completely in awe of him, watching him, and as he coached her, she wanted to do the same.

"Do it. I want to see you lose control." Hermione spoke. And then, seconds later, she felt the warmth of his seed on her hand as he spoke her name in the sweetest of devotions.

Hermione didn't notice the cleansing spell that he cast before he settled next to her.

She protectively wrapped her arm around his chest and pressed herself against him. If she could use her arm as a cage to keep him there forever, she would. He felt her desperation, as if somehow their troubles would disappear during the night if she held on tight enough. It wasn't painful. It wasn't even that uncomfortable. Severus ran his fingers up and down her bare arm, wanting nothing more than to memorize the feel of her soft skin.

"Tomorrow we won't say goodbye." Hermione said with a soft assurance in her voice.

"It will be just another day, like all of the others." Severus replied.

"Yes, and when you come back we will take walks along the lake."

"We will continue to grade the horrid work of the dunderheads." Severus continued, a smile on his lips as he kissed her forehead.

"And we shall visit the Weasley's and give Molly a good reason to no longer speculate." Hermione said, smiling into his shirt.

With those words he gingerly pushed her onto her back. She was still clad only in her bra, but there was no awkwardness there. He repeated his trail of kisses.

"I will kiss you here." Severus stated as his lips found her neck. "And here." He held her fingertips to his lips. "And here." He continued as he kissed the cleavage of her left breast. It was then that he looked into her eyes again.

"Everywhere." Hermione responded.

"Everywhere." Severus repeated as he looked into her eyes.

Placing her arm on his chest again, the two fell into a peaceful sleep.


	14. Go Easy Little Dove, I'll Be Fine

How to Disappear Completely  
Chapter 14: Go Easy Little Doves, I'll Be Fine  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the computer I type this out on.  
Author's Note: Thanks so much for the feedback. I reckon I have about 2 or 3 more chapters left after this one before this story is completed. I also have at least 4 other plot bunnies running around in my head, story wise. I wish I could be one of those writers that do not start a new story before completing another one, but I don't really function like that.

The song used with this chapter is by Brooke Waggoner from her album _Go Easy Little Doves_. She graduated from the same college I did, so I have to give her some props. I think the last fifty seconds of the song fit the ending to this chapter perfectly.

I am so thankful for the feedback that I am receiving, and am begging for more. I do apologize about the typo from the previous chapter (thanks ….) And now onto the real reason you are here…

"_But I need no money, I need no one to understand, but I need your love. And I said, 'Go easy.' Yeah, you go easy little doves, I'll be fine."_

It had been four days and no word yet from anyone in regards to the capture of the remaining Death Eaters. The days felt like years in that Hermione felt a nervous tension with everything she did. She could hardly eat anything, and what she could stomach, wouldn't remain in her system long. She was constantly being reassured that everything would work out fine by so many others, but she knew not to fall into the trap of thinking too positively. (She would blame the war for destroying such a belief.) Hermione knew that it could come back to bite her in the arse if she deluded her train of thinking.

It was only when Draco invited her over for afternoon tea that her insecurities truly were shown.

"Harry has sent back a few messages by owl." Draco revealed. "The group was split up and he hasn't heard any word yet from Severus, but that's nothing to get too worked up over." He said as he placed his hand on Hermione's shoulder.

"You should eat something Hermione." Ginny said, pushing a plate of biscuits in her direction.

While Dumbledore knew of Ginny's situation with Draco, he relied on the honor code when it came to their behavior both inside and outside of Hogwart's. The two were allowed to spend time together, but they were asked to show tact. As long as the student body didn't know of the relationship, then things would be fine. Ginny was always good at keeping a secret. Besides, Ginny knew that if her mum got word of any inappropriate behavior, she would really be in trouble. And Dumbledore wasn't afraid to send out an owl.

Hermione grabbed one, but just toyed around with it rather than eat it. "I guess it's safe to say that we now know what it feels like to be on the opposite side of the war spectrum." She said, laughing slightly. "It was much easier to fight!" And while Hermione did love the comfort her friends provided, she had the direct feeling in the pit of her stomach that something wasn't right. Something was wrong.

"They'll be back soon. You have to trust in that." Ginny said. While Ginny didn't go into the full details of Hermione and Severus' relationship with Draco, she did confirm her boyfriend's suspicions in regards to their relationship by not confirming anything at all. Ginny never pressed Hermione for details, but knew that things were now in the physical territory. She knew Hermione would never reveal all of her secrets, and she knew that it was better off that way. While Ginny respected their relationship, the thought of her professor shagging her best friend was an image she didn't want in her head.

"Where's your necklace? I've never seen you without it on Granger." Draco noticed.

Feeling around for it out of habit, Hermione was nearly brought to brink of tears when she remembered the night she gave it to him.

"He's going to bring it back to me." It was all that Hermione could say.

It was then that Draco knew the full scope of the relationship between Hermione Granger and Severus Snape. For the rest of their time together, the three tried to focus their conversation on anything and everything besides the mission that was currently being played out.

Hermione did find some comfort in knowing that she had both her and Severus' classes to teach. While she didn't make things easier for the students, there were days she released the classes a few minutes early in order to have a few moments to herself. It felt odd being in their classroom and not having him in there, just as it felt odd to sleep alone in his bed at night. The first night she tried to sleep in the bed in her room, but that just made her feel even worse. At least in Severus' bed, his smell still permeated everything. She would clutch his pillow every night, pretending it was him sleeping next to her. She would remember the pleasures shared betwixt the two of them during their last night together. She remembered how she only wanted to be closer to him. Closer than close.

And the next morning, before he walked out of their private quarters, she made sure his robes were secured on him properly, the chain of her necklace shone underneath his robes. There were no words. No tears. No goodbyes. They shared a few kisses and then he left. She thought of his last words the night before of where he would place his kisses when he returned to her. It was only after he walked out of the room that she repeated it to herself.

"Everywhere"

And then there was the return. She heard rumors that only two aurors that accompanied the group were killed, but for the most part, everyone else got by unscathed. Excitement coursed through Hermione's veins at the thought that in moments she would be reunited with her friends and her savior. She anxiously walked around the living quarters, waiting for a door to open, but it never came. Trying not to let her nerves get the better of her, she was about to floo Dumbledore when she was beat to the punch.

"Hermione" It was Harry.

"Harry! How is everyone?" She didn't want to ask about Severus, knowing that Harry wasn't aware of the extent of their relationship.

"We need you in Dumbledore's office. A few of us need to talk to you."

"What's going on?" Hermione asked, worry evident in her voice.

"Just…just use the floo." Harry replied.

She didn't wait for Harry's image to leave the flames before she reached for the powder and threw it into the appropriate place. His tone of voice wasn't what she was used to hearing from him.

"Professor Dumbledore's office" she shouted, trying not to let her fears betray her. Harry, two aurors, McGonogall, and Mrs. Weasley were awaiting her when she stepped into the office of the Headmaster.

"Where's Sever? I mean, where's Professor Snape?" Hermione asked.

"Miss Granger, you might want to take a seat." Minerva McGonogall stated.

Trying not to let her emotions betray her panic, she sat down. Her stomach dropped. She knew this was a huge possibility, gripping the arm of the chair, wishing it could somehow feel the pain she felt in her chest.

"Miss Granger…Hermione" Dumbledore started, "I'm sure you heard that a few aurors along with Severus separated from the rest of the group and tried to track some of the remaining Death Eaters. We just heard confirmation from the Ministry that the remains of the aurors, along with a few Death Eaters, were discovered somewhere near Essex."

Hermione stared at the floor, nodding that she was taking in every word being spoken. She remembered watching a movie with her parents in which the wife of a soldier fighting during the war in Vietnam found out her husband wouldn't be coming home. Years ago she didn't think much of that scene, but now it had a new meaning.

Molly placed her hand on Hermione's shoulder, hoping it would provide a glimpse of comfort. Molly knew that their relationship was a unique one when she noticed Severus' mannerisms towards Hermione. She couldn't let his age or his cold demeanor prejudice her belief of the two of them truly being happy together.

"Now, we haven't found him yet, or for all that we know, his remains could be…mixed in with the others, but that will take a few weeks at best to determine." Albus Dumbedlore was trying to be as sensitive as possible, but there was no other way to make such words sweeter. "As much as I hate to say this, we have to assume that Severus won't be returning to us alive. I will be doing all that I can to make sure that the search for him continues, but"

"NO MORE!" Hermione shot up from her chair and walked anywhere that wasn't around the gathering that was in Dumbledore's office. She found herself in a corner, trying to take everything in. She knew she wasn't thinking clearly, but in that moment, she didn't care. She slouched down, feeling as if she were going to throw up what remained in her empty stomach. She tried not to cry, tried not to panic, but she didn't care if anyone else knew of her love for Severus Snape. She only wished she could have proclaimed it earlier.

No other time had she wanted her mother more than this one. The death of her parents was coming back to her. The war had taken so many away from her, and now it took the person that helped her to move on from it.

"I want my mum." She spoke, trying to gasp for breaths in between each word, hyperventilating.

Molly Weasley went to Hermione and hugged her, trying to provide as much motherly comfort as she could. Hermione Granger was like a daughter to her, and she could only hope that Hermione would be alright with such a gesture. It was only when Hermione felt the arms of Molly Weasley around her that she let her true emotions show.

"Severus!" She cried into Molly's stature.

Harry sat there, watching his friend's reaction to the loss of their former professor. He quickly assumed that she was mourning the loss of a great friend. He knew that they had grown close; especially knowing that Severus was the one that brought her back to Hogwart's. At least that was what he wanted to believe. Her reaction was so visceral; it nearly brought him to tears. All he could do was watch Molly comfort her, whispering words into her ears that he didn't understand. It didn't seem to calm her down very much, but only made her reaction to the news worse. She continued to cry his name into Molly's shoulder.

Albus and Minerva were at a loss for what to do. It was then that Draco entered the office.

"Hey Potter." Draco stated.

"Malfoy." Harry replied.

"I wanted to get here sooner, but you can't exactly trust those first years on your own now can you." It was now that he was fully aware of what was going on. "I take it my godfather won't be coming back." He replied solemnly.

"Yeah, most likely if one must be realistic." Harry replied, not knowing what else to say.

Albus walked towards Molly and Hermione, carrying a vial of calming draught. Hermione was reluctant to take it at first, but after a moment of hesitation, she did. It only took a few minutes until she slumped over in Molly's arms.

Hermione literally cried herself to sleep.

Albus had her placed on a sofa in another room while the others discussed what the next move would be. Draco and Harry were in the corner Hermione once occupied before she was moved.

"Are all of the Death Eaters captured?" Draco asked.

"Either captured or dead" Harry replied. "Draco, I know it's not my place to ask, but what exactly is the nature of Hermione and Snape's relationship? You would think she lost her husband or child."

"Potter, it's not my story to tell. You should ask her." Draco said, noticing that his girlfriend's mum was approaching them.

"Harry! Draco! How have you boys been?" Molly said, hugging the both of them.

"Molly, I'm really worried about Hermione."Draco asked.

"Well, I think it is best not to let her live on hope. I tried to tell her that there is a very small chance that he is alive somewhere and he has yet to be found. Who knows with Severus? Let's hope Merlin can help us. It's not fair to her if she goes on believing that he is alive, when we know that it is more than likely not the case. I just wish it didn't have to happen to her."

"Mrs. Weasley, you don't think that she would try to do something to herself do you?" Harry felt he had to ask the question.

"I should hope not. If there ever were a time when she needed us the most, this is it. I may have given Severus Snape a lot of crap over the years, but he did a right job in helping her recover from her abduction and the death of her parents. If he's not here for this...I don't know." Molly stated, tears forming in her eyes. "I'm going to go talk to Minverva. I'll see you boys later."

And with that, two former enemies were left alone to catch up on their lives.

It had been two weeks since Hermione heard the news she dreaded hearing.

_I'll be fine._

Two weeks of classes.

_I'll be fine._

Two weeks of friends and colleagues constantly making sure she was in good company.

_I'll be fine._

Two weeks of leaving the castle at every opportunity with Ginny, Minerva, Molly, Harry, Draco, and others trying to get her mind off of things.

_I'll be fine._

And two weeks of telling everyone three words she truly wished she could believe: _I'll be fine. _She had grown to hate those three words.

While her work was providing a useful distraction, there were nights when she thought she felt his presence. She almost wished that he was the headmaster instead of Dumbledore. That way, if he were dead, she could use his portrait as some sort of confirmation. Molly told her that there was a small chance he was alive, but Hermione knew that even if he survived the battle, the elements would eventually get to him. It pained her to think that he could possibly starve to death. She tried not to let such dark thoughts creep into her head, and while she did have moments where she felt she could have cried - the tears never did show up.

_I'll be fine._

Her class of third years was clearing out when Ginny walked into her, no, their classroom.

"Care for a walk?" Ginny asked.

"That sounds wonderful." Hermione said.

The weather was perfect. The sun wasn't too bright, and there was a slight chill that required one to bring a thin jumper.

"I haven't told the students what has happened to him." Hermione stated, feeling the air hit her. "They believe that he is off on some special mission that was bestowed to him by Dumbledore. They're not complaining though." Hermione laughed.

Ginny gripped her best friend's hand as the two walked.

"How are you though?" Ginny asked.

"I'll be fine." (There were those three words again.) "Well, as fine as one could possibly be in this situation. We knew there was a chance that this would happen. I was just stupid enough to believe that he would return."

"You can't think like that Hermione. It's war."

"I begged him not to go. I tried, but I think he truly wanted to go. He never told me this, but I think he wanted to kill them all himself. He wanted to avenge me. He once said that he would make Voldemort look like an angel if he had the chance to get his hands on all of them. I really miss him."

"I know you do. It's hard for a long time, but it does get better." Ginny said, comforting her friend.

"You know, I sometimes think it best not knowing what happened to him, but then I realize that if there are no remains, if there is no body, then how could I possibly begin to move on? It's the same feeling I had with my parents. It's the not knowing that hurts the most. I gave him my necklace and he didn't want to take it at first. Maybe he knew he would not be able to return it to me." Hermione said, tears forming in her eyes.

"We still don't know Hermione."

"Yes, but I can't go on believing that he will just walk into our quarters and kiss the pain away. For the first few days I wanted to believe it; it's easier to be in denial over it. But I know now that I can't live like that. No one can." Hermione stated, as she felt something on Ginny's finger. "What's this?" Hermione asked, thankful for something to shift the conversation.

"Um, this is not the time I wanted to have this talk with you, but Draco proposed."

Hermione's tears of pain quickly became tears of joy.

"What? Oh Ginny, that's simply wonderful!" She stated while she held her friend's hand closer to inspect the engagement ring. "When did he propose?"

"Last weekend; I think the whole situation with you and Severus smartened him up a bit to be honest. He wanted my parent's permission first before he asked. I disillusion the ring, well, with the exception of being here with you, but we're hoping to elope in about a year. I don't want to get married right after graduation. That's just too soon for me."

"Ginny, I'm so happy for you!"

"Thank you! I just can't wait for graduation to be over with so we can finally sleep with each other."

"Ginny! I thought you wanted to wait until your wedding night."

"Yes, that's nice in theory, but let us be realistic here. A girl can only wait so long." She said, blushing furiously.

"I never would have figured you so randy." Hermione said while trying to hold back her giggles.

"Oh come off it! You and Snape must have done something before he left. I suppose you never heard of the conversations I constantly hear in the girl's dorm. The way they speak of him, they could get off to him reading a lunch menu."

"Seriously?" Hermione asked. She never thought of his voice in that matter, but then again… "Well, we never truly consummated the relationship, but, I have never felt such passion before as I have when he was with me."

Hermione stopped herself in her tracks.

"Merlin, I just referred to him in the past tense."

"I know that you're going through a hard time right now, and if you don't feel up to chatting about these sorts of things right now, I completely understand. But, Hermione, I want you to be my maid of honor."

Hermione pulled her friend into a tight hug before speaking, "As long as you don't have me wearing some horrid dress robes, then I will be there."

It was the happiest news she had heard in a long time. For the first time in two weeks, she felt a genuine smile grace her features. If she wasn't completely happy, then her friend's happiness was all that mattered.

_I'll be fine._

Hermione continued to focus on teaching her potions classes. Severus' absence was now approaching week six, and while Hermione still pinned for his absence and loss, she felt that things were getting easier day by day. Harry had been visiting her at least three, sometimes four times a week to make sure that she was alright. She joked once that she wasn't on a suicide watch, but she was more than grateful that he was there. It was the most time that they had spent together ever since the death of her parents.

"Did you hear that Ginny and Draco are engaged?" Hermione asked as the two were served butterbeers at The Three Broomsticks.

"Yes. It's about time we get some good news, don't you think?" Harry replied.

"I know! I've been asked to be Ginny's maid of honor."

"Well, Draco asked me to be the best man. I know he wanted to ask Snape, but…I'm sorry."

"It's alright Harry."

"I just never know when there truly is an appropriate time to bring stuff up is all. I know that the two of you were close ever since, well, you know."

"Yes."

Harry wanted to ask more, but knew not to.

"What do you plan on doing this summer?"

"I really don't know. I'm tempted to just spend some time amongst the muggles. I've wanted to go back to Paris for some time now, and I think this summer would be a good time to do it. It might do me some good to travel on my own. What about you?"

"If I'm not chasing around the bad guys, I'm filling out paperwork about the bad guys." Harry said, laughing. "I think I will take some time off though, but I don't know what I will do. Maybe I can accompany you to Paris."

"That would be fun. It totally defeats the purpose of traveling alone, but it would be fun. We could swing by Beauxbatons; it is in France after all." Hermione replied, sipping her butterbeer.

"You know, I never did have a chance to truly spend time with you in so long. I know I should have been there when you were returned, but Dumbledore assured me that you were in good hands. I just want to apologize for that."

"Harry, I have no ill will towards you with the situation. I know we're not as close ever since the war has ended, but you are so special to me." Hermione said, grasping Harry's hand. "And Dumbledore was right. I was in very good hands."

"I take it he is nothing like he was in the classroom."

"Not always, but we did have an understanding of one another if that makes any sense."

"I've got you." Harry stated. He knew that was as close as he was going to get in some sort of confirmation in regards to the relationship she had with their former professor.

The two continued to catch up as they drank their butterbeers, and after two hours Hermione felt it was time to return to Hogwart's.

"We should go. It's getting late, and I've got essays to grade." Hermione said.

As they gathered their belongings and Harry took care of their tab, he added onto the conversation. "Please tell me you go easy on them when it comes to the length of those essays. I dreaded seeing those scathing red marks Snape would leave."

Hermione laughed as she followed Harry out of the building.

The following Thursday Hermione was observing her first years dice earthworms for a potion that they would be working on the next day when she heard a knock on the classroom door. Before allowing the person to enter, the door swung open and she saw Draco, trying to catch his breath. He looked disheveled.

"May we help you Professor Malfoy?"

"We've found him."

Those were the only words she needed to know before she started for the door. The look on Draco's face told her that it was alright for her to leave her class. He would make sure that everything was tended to. Before leaving, he whispered to her: "Pomfrey."

She felt as if she were running in slow motion. Draco's words repeating themselves over and over in her head: _We've found him. We've found him. We've found him. _Finally, three words she was more than happy to repeat to herself. It could just be his body, and that was what Hermione was expecting. At least she would be able to know that he was indeed dead. Maybe she should have asked, but she knew that it was too late to focus on such a thing right now. Bumping into a few fifth years as she ran along, she didn't bother to try and apologize. She used Draco's words as her fuel. Hermione figured she could apologize later.

Finally reaching her destination, she paused to catch her breath. Harry was there, along with a few aurors, Shacklebolt, and Dumbledore. They surrounded his bed to where she couldn't see what was going on. She was expecting to see his corpse, but when Pomfrey administered a potion and he drank it, she knew he was alive.

She heard the snippets of their conversation: "It will take a while, but he should be alright." "Thank goodness he's back!" "Has anyone contacted Hermione?" "He will need constant bed rest." "Pomfrey, have you got enough Skelegrow?"

Hermione's instinct kicked in and without letting anyone else know that she entered, she walked towards Severus, almost pushing Dumbledore aside to get to him. She could have sworn she heard someone say her name, but she didn't care. His left hand was clutched into a fist, and where there was a little more tension with his body language; all that mattered was that he was back and breathing on his own, although there was a bit of struggling in that area. Not caring who saw, she looked at his bruised and bandaged face and swooped down to kiss his lips, her hand lightly grazing the cheek that didn't look as if it were used as a punching bag. She didn't see the looks of shock that were on everyone's face except for Dumbledore and Harry. She didn't care because he kept his promise. He found a way and came back.


	15. In These Arms

How To Disappear Completely  
Chapter 15: In These Arms  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
Feedback: I would greatly appreciate it.

This chapter was inspired by The Swell Season's song "In These Arms" from their album _Strict Joy._ They are amazing and this chapter pretty much wrote itself after marathon sessions of listening to this song.

"_Maybe I was born to hold you in these arms_."

Hermione refused to leave Severus' bedside. It was close to eleven at night, and she was functioning on the adrenaline that came from the news of his return. It was only now, when the lights of the infirmary were dimmed to almost non-existent that she began to get a bit drowsy. Still, she preferred not being comfortable in darkness versus leaving his side. Knowing that someone else would be there to take her place if she so requested it, she wanted her face to be the first thing he saw when he came to…just like he was the first face she saw when she first awoke. As she stroked his hand and tried to hold in her yawns she hoped his presence would somehow keep her awake.

The lights were all but out, except for a dimmed one above his bed. Hermione moved to the other side of the bed after noticing that there was a little bit of room available. She could have easily moved the bed next to his closer, but it wouldn't be close enough. Grabbing his clutched left hand, she kissed it and placed it on top of his stomach. Noticing the tension of the clutched hand, she carefully straightened out his fingers and noticed something fall onto the bed. It was her necklace. The chain was broken, but he still managed to bring it back to her.

She tried to hold back her tears as she crawled next to him in the bed. It was a tight fit, but she managed to get comfortable. Placing her arm on his chest, the way she did their last night together, she tried to stay up as long as she could just to watch his chest rise and fall in a hypnotic rhythm that quickly lulled her to sleep.

But before she completely gave into some long overdue slumber, she whispered the first words that came to her: "Maybe I was born to hold you in these arms." Not once did Hermione notice that she was being watched.

Harry observed Hermione tend to Severus Snape and every doubt or question he had in regards to their relationship was made clear to him. He noticed her absolute tenderness and even though it wasn't confirmed to him, his gut instinct told him that a man he once considered his enemy reciprocated those feelings as well. Rather than interrupt their first few hours together ever since the last death eaters were caught, he left them alone. Knowing that he would get to talk to Hermione soon, he walked out of the infirmary, a smile on his face.

Hermione managed to get back into the swing of things as the days continued. Severus had yet to wake up, but Poppy was very diligent in making sure that she was updated with any changes. Albus offered to cover a few of Hermione and Snape's classes in order for her to visit Severus. She knew her students were being properly taught with the greatest wizard at Hogwart's doing the teaching, and she smiled at the thought of Severus' reaction to the classes growing accustomed to "twinkle eyes" being in charge.

Every night she would follow the new routine of spending the last few hours of the evening sitting next to him. Sometimes she would read the work of their students out loud to him, knowing what he would say if he could indeed say it. His breathing would get better with each day, and the swelling of body parts beaten were beginning to fade. Sometimes Poppy would let her clean his wounds and change his bandages. Hermione hoped that by some odd form of recognition, he would know it was her skin touching his and that would help him come to, but she knew that patience was something she would have to learn. However, such things were forgotten every night when she crawled in the bed to sleep next to him. She was able to fix the chain of her necklace and put it back on Severus, careful to make sure it was under his robes; she would allow him to give it back to her when he was of sound body and mind.

It was a Hogsmeade weekend and Hermione turned down Minerva's offer to go into the tiny village. Hermione wanted nothing more than to get off of the grounds, but knew there would be other weekends to enjoy. As she sat next to Severus, reading up on a new edition of _Primeaux Potions_, she didn't hear Harry approaching her.

"Hey Hermione!"

"Harry! What a lovely surprise." Hermione said as she stood up to hug her dear friend. "What are you doing here?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to grab a butterbeer. Minerva told me that you turned her down, so I was hoping I could convince you."

"Harry, I'd love to take you up on your offer but…"

"Someone will be here to watch him. I promise."

Sighing, she knew that it would be good to get out of the infirmary for a while.

"You're right. It would do me good to get some fresh air I suppose." Hermione said as she stood up. Seeing Poppy tend to a student that had an accident on the quidditch pitch, Hermione softly spoke, "Poppy, I'm going to step out for an hour or two."

Harry heard the school nurse voice her consent as the two walked out of the infirmary. Twenty odd minutes later they were in Hogsmeade.

There were a few awkward minutes of silence at The Three Broomsticks between the two before Harry decided to end it.

"How is Professor Snape doing?"

"He's getting better every day. I'm sure you've heard that he hasn't woken up yet, but he's getting more color as each day passes."

"Hermione, this isn't easy for me, but what exactly is the nature of your relationship with Professor Snape? What I mean to say is, are you two…"

"Are we what Harry?"

Nervous, and anxious to just spit it out, he couldn't. "You know! Are you two…shagging?"

Hermione tried to conceal her laugh. If she would have been drinking something, it would have been spat out of her mouth in that moment. A slight blush was creeping onto her cheeks after Harry's question. He too felt his cheeks reddening.

"I know it's probably none of my business, but I saw you a few nights ago tending to him, and I've heard Molly talking at the Burrow. I know it could all be useless gossip, but I just want to say that if you are…you know…shagging him, then I'm happy. Well, I'm not happy that you two are…I'm totally messing this up right now. You know that I only want what is best for you, and if Professor Snape, or should I say, Severus, makes you happy, then I won't hold you back."

Hermione was silent for a few seconds before she replied to her friend's confession.

"Harry, I know you mean well. I think if you would have asked me such a question this time last year I would have told you it was none of your business. I know that you know that I am not someone to just jump into such a thing blindly, but I love him Harry. This feeling fills me with such hope and joy. I knew I loved him before he left, but these past few days have only reinforced such feelings. I can't imagine a life without him." Hermione stated. It was then that she quietly removed the charms that concealed the scars her neck and wrists. Harry gasped; it was the first time he had seen them up close and personal.

"He's seen everything and he still finds no fault in me. What beauty I never saw, he did. Yes, we did have our rough patches. I did punch him in the nose and knee him, well, I'm sure you can imagine, but who doesn't have a few rough patches?" Hermione then reached for his hand. Harry was trying not to laugh too hard at her assault on their former professor. All the while he couldn't help but stare at the circular scars on her wrist. He didn't want confirmation to what caused such a mark.

"Harry, I need you to trust in me. Trust me in that I know what I'm doing. And more importantly, I need you to trust Severus. I didn't think I would ever get over the losses we have all had to endure. When I was taken by those death eaters and repeatedly raped and tortured, I wanted nothing more than death. I literally begged for it so many times, and then one day, I…I thought it would come." Hermione stated as she placed her fingers on the scar that now permanently graced her neck. "When Severus found me and brought me back, I never thought I would get over all that happened, and I know that you wish you could have been there, but sometimes we have to play the cards that have been dealt to us. Severus was dealt to me. I just need you to understand that I will be fine with him. We will take care of each other."

The realization dawned on Harry. He squeezed her hand and that was all of the approval she needed.

It was almost three in the morning when Hermione felt him shift next to her. Thinking it only a dream, she held onto him tighter, but it was when he braced an arm around her shoulder that she knew something had changed. Looking up, she noticed him looking right at her.

"My sweet girl" Severus replied.

Too shocked to say anything, Hermione felt tears forming in her eyes as she moved to kiss his lips. Their kisses were short and to the point, but enjoyable nonetheless. Most of his bruises had faded, and while he still had some sore spots, he tried not to let them show in front of her.

"I was so afraid I lost you." She said as she placed her head under his neck, kissing his pulse as some sort of confirmation that he was awake.

"I told you that I would come back." He replied, drowsiness still in his voice. "How long have we been sharing this bed?"

"I've been here every night ever since you were found." She answered in all honesty. "I wanted to be here when you woke up. Should I get Poppy?"

"No. Please, let's not ruin this moment of stillness and silence." He answered as he kissed her forehead. "These beds are bloody awful." He added, shifting a bit to make more room for her.

"I haven't noticed at all." Hermione replied as she rested her head under his chin. "We should rest." She spoke as she tried to stifle a yawn.

"Thank you" Severus whispered, knowing that those two words held everything else he wanted to tell her in that moment.

"No Severus, thank you" was Hermione's reply as she fell back asleep.

He possessively wrapped an arm around her, not caring who saw the embrace. The last thoughts that swam through his head were those of the acceptance of the idea that he was indeed in love. He tried not to smile as he inhaled the scent of her, and it was the scent of gardenia on her skin that lulled him back into sleep.

Severus Snape would not resume his classes until a month later. A specialist in physical therapy from St. Mungo's was called into to make sure that Severus exercised his muscles properly in order to get back into top form. While he grumbled on about the useless stretches and lifts he had to do, Hermione was there to make sure he didn't scare the therapist away. Thankful for being in shape before his attack, the therapy sessions were easy on most days.

The only ones sad to see his return to the classroom were his students. Dumbledore did a great job making sure the "dunderheads" were prepared for their finals, even if Severus Snape would never admit it to anyone. Despite some sporadic muscle twitches, Severus Snape had made a full recovery. Hermione never asked what happened to him, and while he was surprised that her curiosity didn't get the better of her, they both knew that there was no point to it. He was back and that was all that mattered. They were finally going to be able to go on with their lives. With the summer break upon them, Severus wanted to spend it with her at Spinner's End. Hermione also mentioned wanting to spend some time in Paris, and while that trip was one in the works, Severus wanted nothing more than to cohabitate with her in his childhood home in order to replace the sad memories of a childhood lost with the happy ones he never thought he would live to experience.

The two didn't flaunt their relationship to the staff and student body, but it was known that Professor Snape was indeed courting Hermione Granger. Everyone knew it was happening, but it was never spoken of out in the open. The only time they ever lingered towards holding hands was when they were out at Hogsmeade or when they took their daily walk around the grounds. Every now and again he would gently place his hand on her thigh when they were sitting together at the head table, and she felt it was just the same as when he would gently graze her lower back when they entered buildings.

"I believe I have something for you." Severus said as they took their routine stroll around the lake on day.

"Do tell" Hermione replied, a smile gracing her lips.

As Severus went to remove the necklace around his neck he began, "I can't believe you didn't ask for this. I did promise to return it to you."

"No" Hermione stated, stopping him from removing it. "I want you to have it."

"I don't think that's what your mother intended when she gave this to you."

"If she would know all that you've done for me, she would be proud of my decision. Besides, it's a part of me, and I want you to have that always. We can even place a charm on it to make sure that it never leaves your person. I fixed the chain when I first found it in your hand. Not even a hippogriff could remove it from you the chain is so tough." She stated with pride.

"I don't know what to say." Severus replied, dumbfounded by her words and reasoning.

"Then don't say anything and let us enjoy this lovely weather." She replied, grabbing his hand as they continued to walk.

"It is lovely isn't it?" He said, staring at her the whole time. He could only hope that by his holding her hand a little tighter, she would understand that he wasn't talking about the weather.

It was the middle of the summer break and the two were sitting in front of the fireplace at Spinner's End. It was charmed to burn, but the heat never made it into the modest house. Hermione had ordered takeout and while Severus was slightly familiar with the concept, he wasn't too keen on using such a service very often. Their time there had been splendid in Hermione's eyes. There was still that daily routine that they had been accustomed to, but they were ever the more content with their schedule, even if it was considered boring and mundane. They would wake up and prepare breakfast together. (Hermione's specialty was omelets with beans and toast.) Severus had converted his parent's bedroom to a potions lab where the two would continue the research they never had a chance to work on during the school year. Lunch would usually take them to a quaint deli nearby where they would sometimes stay for tea or coffee. And the afternoons were free for their leisure. Sometimes they would go to a movie theater for a matinee feature, but most of the time they were content just staying home. Hermione almost forgot that Severus grew up in the same world as she did given how easy it was for him to adapt to the usual muggle customs when it came to clothing. She thought him ever the more handsome when he wore black trousers. However much she loved spending time with him, it was their time at Spinner's End that meant the most to her.

"I was reading in this month's volume of _Primeaux Potions_ that apparently there will be will some sort of potion to track the emotional intelligence of a child before he or she even enters the first year of schooling." He said as he stroked her hair. She had gotten into the habit of using his thigh as a pillow.

"How is that possible? That's something that is earned through social means." Hermione questioned, resting the book on her stomach.

"I can't explain it in such intricate details, but apparently the person who has concocted this theory is hoping to get funding from the Ministry. Who knows? Maybe one day ours will be subjected to such a thing." It was then that Severus realized his blunder. She quickly sat up, her back turned to him. He cursed low enough to where Hermione couldn't hear it. Hermione tried not to stiffen up when she heard Severus' words. She was excited at the thought that he wanted a future with her that would involve such things, but it was an impossible dream.

"Severus, how important is that to you?" She asked before turning around to face him. "It's just that I can't have kids. During my abduction, it was Indra's goal to take that ability away from me. Poppy confirmed it to me a few months ago, but I knew the moment I came to. The way she described it was that technically, there's a very slim chance that I can get pregnant, but my body won't be able to…I don't know how to phrase it exactly but a child wouldn't survive in me because of what they did."

"Shhh." Severus interrupted as he pulled her towards him and tightened his grip on her. "I'm sorry Hermione. I wasn't thinking when I said those words. It was so stupid of me to say that. You are no less of a woman because of it."

"I know, but what if you wanted children one day. I've heard of muggle marriages that have been torn apart because of the issue. Some people can't handle it." She spoke, tears beginning to well in her eyes.

"You are not a defected human. As long as I have you, I am complete."

"Is that an absolute truth or something you are telling me to make me feel better?"

"I can accept it Hermione. I know it must be harder for you, but sometimes we have to sacrifice certain things in order to live in true happiness."

"Is that what this all is to you, true happiness?"

"Of course. Hermione, I cannot make you any promises, but I do know that I want a life with you. I have entertained that thought on many occasions, and when I wasn't sure about being found, I thought only of you. I had a necklace that I had to return to a lovely woman." Severus replied; a smile on his face as he kissed Hermione. The two continued kissing each other and with every second it grew more and more heated. Hermione began to remove the buttons of his shirt as they found themselves strewn out on the sofa.

"Do you know what you do to me?" Severus asked in a whisper.

"Tell me." Hermione retorted.

"You are going to be the death of me woman. There are moments where I feel like I will explode just from kissing you."

And with that, Hermione smiled into his lips before kissing him again. "You know, Harry thinks we are shagging like rabbits."

"Don't tell me you've discussed our private life with Potter!" Severus said trying to sound offended when he knew it wouldn't come off like that as he continued to kiss her.

"I figured I'd let his imagination do all of the work." Hermione tried to fight the moan that escaped her mouth when Severus began kissing her neck. This could be the first time they would truly attempt something ever since that night before he left. Her mind began to cloud with doubts over what to do, but if there was only one time to be truly honest with him, it was now.

"Severus?" Hermione asked, trying to get him to stop what he was doing.

He noticed her tone.

"Yes?" He replied, looking in her eyes. Concern was etched on his face.

"I…I love you." She whispered softly.

It took a second or two for the words to sink into his brain, but hearing her say it only multiplied the feelings Severus had for Hermione in that very moment.

"I love you too." He replied as he gently ran his fingers through her hair. For the first time in his life he was never so sure of anything as much as he was of his devotion to her.

Feeling empowered by his words, she nervously continued speaking as she focused her attention on his shirt collar. "I want you to enter me tonight. I can only think of the words you told me on the astronomy tower months ago about all of the things you wanted to show me. I'm tired of seeing all of those death eaters faces and automatically associating it with all of this. They made sex so repulsive, so dirty. And tonight Severus I need you to show me what lovemaking is _supposed_ to be like. I don't want to feel empty anymore" Hermione whispered as she kissed his lips. He deepened the kiss, placing his hands on the small of her back. The two continued to kiss each other, even as Severus picked her up off the floor and carried her to his, no their, bedroom.

With a slight movement of his hand, three candles were lit. There was just enough light for Hermione to see the way he was staring at her. It was as if he was seeing through her, and all she could do was stare back at him. An intensity that would have scared her years ago, now made her ache in places she didn't think possible. Not wanting to break the connection, Severus began to remove his clothes, garment by garment, all the while staring at her. It would be the first time they would truly see each other naked. Hermione kissed him after his boxers were removed. Not knowing what exactly was expected of her next, she went to remove her clothes, when Severus gently grabbed her wrist.

"No" He softly replied. Moving them towards the bed, he sat down while she stood in front of him. Keeping his eyes locked with hers, he began to undo the buttons to her jeans. Hermione only stood there and watched him in rapt attention as he pulled both her jeans and her knickers down with as much grace as possible.

"How do you do that?" She whispered as her eyes closed. As she felt his lips glide across the skin of her stomach as he slightly lifted her jumper a few inches up, she found it hard to concentrate. She tried to be brave as she stood naked in from of him from the waist down, but he was only fascinated with her. "How do you everything with such grace?" She continued as she felt his hand slightly brush her mound. Severus' lips continued their path up her chest as Hermione gave into the sensations of his lips on her skin.

"There is no grace in me. All that you think I possess really comes from you." He replied as he stood up and slowly pulled up her jumper. She could feel his erection brush against her thigh, but was too afraid to look at it. As he reached behind her to release her bra, he spoke in her ear, "And you my dear are all that I need."

Hermione wanted to bring up his hands and how many times she was enraptured by them, but the only thing that had her attention were his lips. Still continuing to slowly trace their way upwards, she felt as if she were melting into him, being shaped and molded by his body to finally become the puzzle piece that was needed.

She moaned softly when his hands made their way to the back of her neck, and her only choice was to acquiesce to his lips as they continued their trail on her neck. She heard him mutter something, but the only thing she was paying attention to was his touch. It was only when she felt his finger glide across the circular scar on her wrist that she backed away.

"I'm sorry." She said immediately as she covered up her breasts, hoping that she wouldn't give in to the tears on the brink of escaping her eyes. She felt like she betrayed the image of him accepting all of her scars that she had painted for Harry. While she knew that he didn't care about such trivial things, in the back of her mind she still worried that once he saw everything at once, he would think of her as nothing more than damaged goods. "I…I just don't want you to see them all. I'm so hideous!"

Drawing himself closer to her, he grabbed an arm that was covering a breast. It just happened to have the remnant of a cigarette burn on it. Without saying a word, he slowly pulled her wrist towards his mouth and kissed the scar. It was only when he traced the circular pattern with his tongue that she remembered to breathe.

"You still don't get it?" Severus replied. "I don't care about your scars. Besides, I've seen them before. I don't want you to be ashamed of them because you have no reason to be! This, right here, is only you and me. I am not repulsed by these scars, but I am repulsed by the bastards that gave them to you. You are the most bewitching woman I have ever known, and I want to make to love to you…all of you, scars included."

He began to kiss every one of her scars, and if his lips didn't make contact, his fingertips did. For the first time, she realized that he was turning the reminders of her abduction into something beautiful. He worshiped her with his lips, leaving no inch untouched. Severus took her panting and soft moans as a sign of approval as he continued to run his fingers all over her body as he lowered her onto their bed.

The darkness of his eyes caught her attention as he stood up - his eyes never leaving hers. He looked as if he were an animal about to attack its prey, but only in the most gentlest of manners. She was too afraid to leave his gaze, too afraid to see the effect she truly had on him. Slowly climbing into the bed, he stopped at her feet.

"I forgot one." He motioned as he picked up her foot and kissed the cigarette burn scar on it. He slowly moved upwards towards her, but instead of covering her skin with his kisses, he instead let his hair trace her as he softly hummed. When he reached her breasts, he stopped.

"We made a pact before I left about all the places I would kiss you. And I believe I mentioned your luscious breasts." Severus said as he devoted a fair amount of time to each one. What breast his lips didn't pay attention to, his hand did.

"Everywhere" Hermione whispered as she felt him relish in her flesh.

Losing her breath, she felt as if she were on fire, sinking into nothingness and everything all at once. His touch was gentle, yet firm. She let him do what he wanted. She was his potion to invent and brew into perfection. He grabbed her left hand and guided it to his chest.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"For what?"

"This should be about you too. I'm just lost."

"Lost in…"

"The sensation of you and how I only want to be possessed by you. All those years I thought you despised me, and now look at where we are. I only want to share this moment with you." Hermione replied in complete honesty as she kissed him.

"I don't want you to worry about me Hermione." He replied as his lips roamed along her collarbone. He could feel her pulse beneath her skin, the humming of her blood as it made her entire body flush with a desire she probably never thought was possible. He too wanted to possess her, but he would never confess that to her. Marveling at every inch of her, he spoke as if in a trance, "Do you still not realize how beautiful you are?"

"Touch me. Please." She cried.

Never one to deny her anything, Severus began to kiss the scar along her throat as his hand made its way to her quim. Softly stroking her, he entered one finger in her and felt that she was more than ready for all that he wanted to show her. Slowly building the tension inside of her, her neck arched more into his mouth. Every part of her skin that was available to him, he kissed even more. He could feel her hips moving up against him as he continued to stroke her.

She was beginning to mewl and make unintelligible noises, purring for him and while he just wanted to pick up the speed, he knew not to. A part of him wanted to torture her with the pleasure he could provide as she continued to mumble words he couldn't understand.

"You're so wet." He whispered in her ear before licking the lobe. This garnered a response out of her before she crashed her lips into his. "I'm afraid that you are my new obsession Hermione. I fear that once you and I become one, a day won't go by where I won't want another taste of you." He continued as he listened to the hitch of her breath.

"There are so many places I can see myself taking you. My desk. In front of the fireplace on a cold winter night, your skin covered with mine. How about against the door, or better yet, how about the potions stockroom where you first kissed me." This obviously got Hermione's attention.

"Please…" she whispered as Severus brought his lips back to her breasts. "Please, I want to come for you again. I want you to see me when I come for you."

Those words brought out a growl in Severus that he didn't think existed. The pace of his finger increased as he focused his vision on her face.

"Look at me Hermione. You are so tight, and I feel you pulsing around me. Gods, I want you woman and I can't wait to enter you. I want to see you as I possess you. Let me possess you. Let me pleasure you. Give yourself to me."

And with those last four words, Hermione found the release she was looking for. Her mouth was dry, but that didn't stop her from welcoming his lips back to hers.

"This is what it's like Hermione." Severus stated as he moved to lay on top of her, staring into her eyes. "Do you feel me? Do you feel how hard you've made me?"

Hermione could only nod.

"It's as if I were made for you, only you. I want to make up for all that was done to you." He said as he traced his lips over her eyelids.

He could feel her lips move against his throat, her breath tickling his skin.

"Severus…take away all of the bad memories. Force them out of me." She whispered as he slowly entered her. He heard her gasp, knowing that it might be a bit painful.

"Make me feel…" Hermione continued as he slowly piston in and out of her. He kissed her with a brutal softness that one would be shocked to know he possessed. When his lips released hers, he heard the soft cries of her pleasure exiting her mouth.

"Let me hear you sweet girl." Severus spoke as he changed the angle at which he entered her. By instinct, she brought her legs up to the side of his waist, and not one to deny her touch he brought his right arm to glide along her leg. It was as if they couldn't get any closer, but still tried to. Hermione brought her hand up to rest on his face, and Severus began to kiss every part of it that his lips could touch.

As he began to increase his pace, he noticed that Hermione was on the precipice of ecstasy.

"Come for me again." Severus softly commanded as he entwined his fingers with hers, kissing her neck, speaking to her words she didn't comprehend because she was too lost in the sensations. She thought she heard him mention something about feeling every drop from their consummation, but she only came when he looked her in the eyes and spoke under his breath…

"I'm drowning in you" and with one last swift push, she felt his seed enter her. Not wasting a second, she grabbed onto him with both of her arms and clung to him. They were slightly sweaty, but she could only smell the lab on his skin. He felt her breath on his skin, and closing his eyes, he was too afraid to break the contact of their union. He still felt her tight heat pulsing around him, the aftershocks of their love making still present.

When his heartbeat stilled a bit, he made to move from her, but she only held onto him tighter.

"Please don't go."

Laughing slightly, "I'm not going to leave you. I just don't want to crush you."

"No" she whispered as she spoke into the skin on his shoulder. "I want you to stay inside of me."

That line alone was enough to make his cock start twitching again, but he needed a break. The two remained silent for some time. She was too fascinated with the idea of the event that had just transpired between her and her former professor, finding irony in the fact that years ago he made fun of her teeth, but just worshiped her body as if it were an ancient temple. Kissing his skin softly, she relished in knowledge that while some things were going to change, their usual routine of things were going to stay the same. She looked forward to all of the things they would do together, and soon fell asleep, not noticing Severus shift to the side of her.

Just seeing her naked flesh made him ready for another round, but he knew that her body probably would be a bit sore. He watched her as she slept; the intake of her breath and the sigh of contentment that escaped her mouth as she turned into him and cradled herself to his body.

Touching whatever skin was available to him, he began to let his thoughts take over. Severus felt a sudden pang of guilt. _If she would have never been taken, then we wouldn't have found each other. She wouldn't be here in my arms. _The thought overwhelmed him. He tried not to let it cloud the experience they just shared, but he couldn't help but wonder how her life would be so different if she would have never been abducted. He knew that he would most probably not have factored into her life post-Hogwart's. And while he knew that it was so wrong, the selfish part of him found one reason to be thankful towards Indra Karnstein. Still, he couldn't sleep as he felt her stir in his arms. It was as if she knew something was troubling him.

Looking up at him, she didn't give him a chance to say anything as she placed a chaste kiss on his lips. Still, his look worried her.

"Are you alright?" She asked. He could see the look of fear in her eyes. She worried that he may have regretted their night together.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking is all" Severus replied as he held her closer (not that they could get any closer.)

"About?" She whispered.

He could have lied. He could have told her that he wanted to taste her skin again, but he knew that she deserved to know his true thoughts.

"I am guilty of thinking that if you would have never been taken, we would never have discovered each other again. It would be silly to believe that you would have returned to Hogwart's to pursue a teaching career. I know it's wrong to think such things, but I can't help but be thankful in some macabre way."

Hermione was silent for a few moments, and Severus was hesitant to say anything else, fearful that his admission would be nothing but an insult to her assault. Hermione began to softly trace her fingers along his chest, a sign that maybe he didn't ruin what had taken months to repair and build.

"Well then, something good did come out of all of this. I hate the thought of it too Severus, but one must accept that it's all in the past. We both knew before the war ended that innocent lives would be shattered, and sacrifices would have to be made. I hate relegating such a thought towards my parents and Ron, but I know that they would want us all to be happy and to live our lives."

It was then that she sat up.

"How many years did you give Voldemort? How about Dumbledore?"

"Too many" Severus replied.

"My point exactly! Now is our time to live, not for those we were trying to defeat, or trying to protect. Now is our time to be selfish and focus on the future – our future."

"How can you love me knowing all that I've done?" Severus asked, flabbergasted at her response.

"You are the only one that truly understands me." She replied as she lightly ran her fingers over the scar on her neck. "I knew I loved you the moment you first kissed me here. I knew I would have given myself to you in that very moment, without hesitation if you would have wanted it."

"Maybe I should be thankful too." She said before she kissed him again. He ran his fingers through her wild mane of hair, and pulled her back to him as they fell into sleep. His stomach fluttered at the thought that she wanted a future with him, a real future with all that it entailed. A tear threatened to leave his eye at the thought that this time last year he didn't have much to look forward to, and now he had everything.


End file.
